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Original poster

Dating Thread 202: Here's hoping the lockdown loneliness and longing eases up soon...

994 replies

SpringlikeBunk · 11/04/2021 17:05

Come ye all!

OP posts:
Thread gallery
17
Danceswithwhippets · 14/04/2021 10:13

Man here.

The cocklodger theme has faded.

What please is the correct expression for the female equivalent?

ThisTooShallBeFantastic · 14/04/2021 10:23

Can't see why 'cocklodger' wouldn't apply for both genders?

Original poster
SpringlikeBunk · 14/04/2021 10:24

@MotherForker

Welcome
I agree it can all seem quite overwhelmingly especially if you live somewhere there’s a big turnover of people ? Overall I tend to find one iron catches my eye after a few weeks though everyone is different

You can play the situation to your advantage though - it means you can just stop using the apps/dip in and out as necessary according to your own schedule?

And you don’t need to to get hung up on one situation if you feel it’s not working out , just make a new profile in a months time and it’s a fresh start

OP posts:
GaraMedouar · 14/04/2021 10:26

Danceswithwhippets - gold diggers?
I have heard from guys I’ve chatted with that there are a lot of women who are only interested in what job the man has, how much money and they get a lot from overseas ladies too .
Funnily enough the only ‘walk’ date I had was with a well off guy and initially he was cagey about his job/position etc - probably just to check I wasn’t after his money. Which I wasn’t as I’m employed, have own house (mortgaged but hey ho) etc

VanGoghsDog · 14/04/2021 10:33

@ThisTooShallBeFantastic

Can't see why 'cocklodger' wouldn't apply for both genders?
Well, I'm a woman and I don't have a cock, so it would be odd to refer to me as a cocklodger.

I think freeloader covers both sexes.

VanGoghsDog · 14/04/2021 10:34

I'm not a freeloader by the way! I am very independent and if anything am the opposite and hate being beholden to anyone, especially financially.

bangheadhere40 · 14/04/2021 10:38

I'm really disliking how many men put "no crazy ex" on their profiles.

It's not funny...just stop please ffs.

Original poster
SpringlikeBunk · 14/04/2021 10:43

@bangheadhere40

“Why do you match and not talk?”

Grin

I agree it’s frustrating sometimes for both genders but definitely a good idea to try to keep any negative statements out!

OP posts:
BelladiMamma · 14/04/2021 10:50

@GaraMedouar

Danceswithwhippets - gold diggers? I have heard from guys I’ve chatted with that there are a lot of women who are only interested in what job the man has, how much money and they get a lot from overseas ladies too . Funnily enough the only ‘walk’ date I had was with a well off guy and initially he was cagey about his job/position etc - probably just to check I wasn’t after his money. Which I wasn’t as I’m employed, have own house (mortgaged but hey ho) etc
I'm so careful about how I present myself. I have some friends who help me with my profile pics etc and one of them is great with the aesthetics but not so good with the self protection and has come out with classics such as, you should put a picture of your house up, it's really beautiful & maybe your horse? Makes you look really cool.

Er no, actually, it makes me look like a prime target for a freeloading cocklodger.

Original poster
SpringlikeBunk · 14/04/2021 10:54

@BelladiMamma

That’s such a good point - I think just being fairly neutral and vague and seeing anyone who is TOO curious about living situations/assets etc as a red flag is important

Also important to be mindful that people can and do “look stuff up” say LinkedIn profile or job title etc.

Overall I’d say time is the only way to really gradually get to know someone and suss them out!

OP posts:
VanGoghsDog · 14/04/2021 10:55

I find men with photos of their houses and or other possessions a bit odd and tend to give them a swerve.

OnwardsEverStridingOnwards · 14/04/2021 11:03

@VanGoghsDog

I find men with photos of their houses and or other possessions a bit odd and tend to give them a swerve.
Me too 😟
ThisTooShallBeFantastic · 14/04/2021 11:07

@VanGoghsDog but the transaction is sex for accommodation whichever gender is freeloading, so 'cock' covers it - gives cock if freeloader is male, provides services for cock if freeloader is female. The word conveys more than just freeloading - I feel it's more pejorative for a start - so I don't think freeloading women should get off any more lightly than freeloading men.

GaraMedouar · 14/04/2021 11:07

What a nice pic of their shiny red sports car? Grin

Shall I put on a pic of my mud splattered Kia ?

Original poster
SpringlikeBunk · 14/04/2021 11:12

Not sure if it’s the tinder or bumble algorithm but does anyone else find they have a run of fairly “not many people swipe on this guy” types for a while?

Then some days when there’s a higher ratio of more attractive matches

Either that or no one is swiping on ME so I’m just in the “computer says ugly, know your place!” category now Grin

OP posts:
VanGoghsDog · 14/04/2021 11:14

[quote ThisTooShallBeFantastic]@VanGoghsDog but the transaction is sex for accommodation whichever gender is freeloading, so 'cock' covers it - gives cock if freeloader is male, provides services for cock if freeloader is female. The word conveys more than just freeloading - I feel it's more pejorative for a start - so I don't think freeloading women should get off any more lightly than freeloading men.[/quote]
But it is the "cock" that is lodging. I've never seen it as being about providing sex, even if you don't have sex a bloke freeloading off you is a cocklodger, a lodger with a cock.

No-one is suggesting that women should "get off any more lightly". Just that MN doesn't really have a term for it that way around, probably due to being a female led site - though I have seen comments along the lines of "what you have there is a female version of a cocklodger".

Original poster
SpringlikeBunk · 14/04/2021 11:18

Is it not all on the SAHM vs working mother AIBU threads though?

Theres always one up there along with a neighbour dispute/university dispute/dating thread there Hmm

OP posts:
Mayzee · 14/04/2021 11:32

I would always try to suss out what someone does for a living when I’m chatting- not because I’m a gold digger looking for a millionaire but I want to be sure they have a job! To avoid ending up with said cocklodgers. But once I’m dating someone I hate them paying for all meals etc, I like to pay my way.

HairyArsedMan · 14/04/2021 11:39

@bangheadhere40

I'm really disliking how many men put "no crazy ex" on their profiles.

It's not funny...just stop please ffs.

Another bit of the online dating lingua franca - so many profiles specifically ask that there's not a crazy ex lurking in the background, so it might seem perfectly reasonable to put that one to bed for some. They will find one another: "Oh my god, he/she hasn't got a crazy ex-" "Oh my god, they want someone whose ex- isn't crazy - we're made for each other!"

@VanGoghsDog - Yeah I got what you meant, and I see where you get that impression from, but I see it more as expressing a (dating) world weary tolerance on the small issue of height.

I was exercising this morning and thinking about all these stories of being hidden away and furtively squirreled into men's homes posted yesterday. It really got to me. Nothing much else to say except that really, just kind of stunned at what happens out there.

VanGoghsDog · 14/04/2021 11:51

@VanGoghsDog - Yeah I got what you meant, and I see where you get that impression from, but I see it more as expressing a (dating) world weary tolerance on the small issue of height.

Ah, see, I left swipe anyone who shows world weariness! I've got enough of my own if that!

I was exercising this morning and thinking about all these stories of being hidden away and furtively squirreled into men's homes posted yesterday. It really got to me. Nothing much else to say except that really, just kind of stunned at what happens out there.

What!!??

HairyArsedMan · 14/04/2021 12:15

What !? ... That I was exercising in the morning !? Smile

No, that was what I was thinking really @VanGoghsDog. What the hell kind of dating experience is that ? Who offers it and justifies it, how ?

MotherForker · 14/04/2021 12:16

I really hate "own house and car" stuff in the profile. I find it weird.

Height thing. Hmmm. Well I'm 5'6" and would love to be enlightened enough to date someone shorter than me. But I'm not the skinniest Minnie and being the tallest also makes me feel hefty. My ex husband was 5'9, but I do prefer tall men.

VanGoghsDog · 14/04/2021 12:17

@HairyArsedMan

What !? ... That I was exercising in the morning !? Smile

No, that was what I was thinking really @VanGoghsDog. What the hell kind of dating experience is that ? Who offers it and justifies it, how ?

Yes, the exercising comment has outed you as a troll!

No, what stories of what being hidden in what men's homes? This sounds bizarre!

bangheadhere40 · 14/04/2021 12:25

Ha HAM yes...😄 a match made in non crazy ex heaven!

bangheadhere40 · 14/04/2021 12:29

I do want to know a man can support shelf due to 2 previous cocklodgers. I'm not going down that road again!

Excessive tightness puts me off too though, my last iron was very wealthy but used to whine on about a few quid on parking charges etc.

Just a nice sensible iron please...not too extravagant/ not a poser / but also not tight.

I can live in hope.