He shared private pictures online

[feelingexposed]

Hello, I am actually very embarrassed to post this but needed to know if its happened to others and get some advice.

My husband has been taking pictures of me in private for years, sometimes sneaky ones other times he asks me to let him. As you can imagine i am in various stages of dressed in them, usually not at all. I didnt like it but let it slide because I thought all hubbies do that kind of thing.

This was okay until last week, some stranger messaged me on FB and was saying pervy comments and then sent me a picture of myself, fully nude asleep. I flipped out big time and asked him where he got it. Apparently he got it on an image sharing site when men share pics of their wives. I blocked the person and rang my husband immediately. He was really panicked and told me the whole story.

For the past 2 years he has been sharing my pictures on forums and websites specifically for unaware wives, he says he really enjoys it and it helps him de-stress and get off. He then said he has never shared my details and gave me a fake name (as if that made it okay). We have been trying to have a child for a number of years now and he claims it helps him manage his EJs. He said he never meant to hurt me and he is really sorry i found out.

What on earth do I do now? hundreds of men have seen these pictures and I love my husband so its really hard to make any decisions or talk to him right now. AIBU or is this justified? he has never cheated or anything like that.

Help

Better to ‘throw away’ the last 10 years then waste the future with this man. What he has done is a crime, it is a form of sexual assault, it was done without your consent. This wasn’t just a one off incident, he’s clearly uploaded multiple photos of you and over a sustained time period. How would you ever trust him again? If you stay with him and are TTC you will no doubt go through harder times than low sperm count, how will you trust that he won’t try and make himself feel better by sharing photos online again?

Plus if he was sharing images of you then he was almost certainly looking at images of other non-consenting women on the same website - do you really want to be with a man who gets sexual gratification from looking at photos of women who have not consented to their images being shared? What he’s done is no different to a man hiding in the bushes looking through women’s bedroom Windows - do you really want to be with a peeping Tom? Honestly if it was me I don’t think I would ever be able to look at him again without seeing a sexual predator.

Report to the police. They'll be able to help you get the images down in the first place. And it will be the external proof that what he did was not ok - he clearly won't believe it from you, as it just isn't possible he can value your opinion the way he should and do this.

Don't take on his shame OP. You should be able to tell people - tell you mum, get her support. If this was an ex who did this, you'd be reaching out for support. think clearly why you can't do that now.

Obviously the pictures aren’t deleted and they are downloadable and they are shareable.

The pervert who contacted you shared your picture with you.

If that one person tracked you down and sent you a picture he downloaded of you in a state of undress. Then how many more men have pictures of you.

The pictures are and have been downloaded and shared.
A picture was shared with you.

I’m also shocked you don’t want to run, and are wilfully lying to yourself.

And no not all men do this to their wives.

I'd go to the police and it would be over for me. Don't think you'd ever be able to trust him again.

Most blokes who do shit like this do it as revenge to punish, hurt and violate the ex partner. Your husband who says he loves you,did this to you!?!

Any good man out there wants to love, care, cherish and protect their partner.

Your husband has violated you in the worst way possible, he has taken away your right to safety and privacy.

Most women worry when leaving home about sexual predators- you are living with one.

Just realise NOW that you have a basic right to feel safe in your own home and he has taken that away from you!

This can never be worked on or forgotten about, it will only escalate from here if you don't leave him.

Also, not to put anything on you but if you report to the police it could possibly save another poor woman going through the same thing as I think anything of this nature would flag up on a Sarah's Law check.

This has to be one of the worst things I've ever seen on here! I'm physically sick for you!

That's one quarter of your relationship.

He would have been looking at, using other unaware women for his sexual gratification.

Again, he has dehumanized you, reduced you to a wanking tool for himself and uncounted other men too.

Please, don't let him persuade you this is normal or that you have to accept it. It is really weird and freaky!

Well I'd be putting a lock on the spare room door and sleeping in there for a start. Tell him he could be prosecuted for what he's done, stop trying for a baby with this creep and have a good long hard think about your future.

OP this is absolutely terrible, a complete violation.

It sounds as if you're minded to minimise/forgive this, please think about it, you deserve far, far better.

In our 10 years together this is the only bad thing he has done

It's not just a "bad thing" though is it? A bad thing is staying out all night because he got drunk or being rude to a friend of yours because he was in a bad mood.

It's a massive violation not a bad thing.

It wasn't was one time offence either - he uploaded god knows how many pictures of you.

You say you don't want to tell anyone in RL.

I'm guessing that's because you know they'd be horrified as is everyone whose responded to your thread. They'd tell you to leave and report him to the Police.

It's not about throwing 10 years of your life away it's about protecting the next 30/40 years by not living with a man who pimps out your naked image on the internet.

There's no excuse for what he's done. None.

Fucking hell. I am staggered at this. I’d go to the police and pursue a conviction. Ghastly. He’s utterly put you in harms way.

Oh OP, this breaks my heart.

You only found out because that person tracked you down. Meaning DH isn't sorry he was doing it. he's sorry now he's caught if you hadn't of found out he clearly would still be doing it.

If you read about a man doing this to a woman he didn't know there would be absolute uproar. Its no different because you are married.

He's a sex offender.

OP you really need to think on what to do. Think what you would say to someone who told you this had happened to them. Think why you haven't told anyone. Think what he might do in future if you stay with him and send the message to him that this is nothing more than a bit annoying.
What he has done is a criminal offence, and he didn't just do it once, he did it for two years! He didn't even try to protect you as someone managed to contact you. This is horrific. Please leave and report him to the Police. You owe him nothing. Please don't stay because you love him, feel sorry for him, need his money or feel you owe him. Him supporting you through a Masters doesn't give him the right to do something like this; nothing does. Get angry and get gone!

Police. Divorce. End of.

I appreciate this is hard but noone is going to tell you to stay with him.

I'm slowly losing sympathy the more you keep defending him.

If what you want to accept from life that your husband can only ejaculate after submitting photos where you're naked and exposed to other strange men, that's your choice.

You've been given plenty of advice on this thread that you're just ignoring so you can continue to make excuses to us on his behalf.

No-one here believes them.

(Surely that website should be reported to the police if the photos are non consentual?)

How on earth can you ever trust him again?

He violates your privacy in your sleep. You are at your most vulnerable and turns you into wank fodder for other men.

There is zero respect from him there.

Op - you realise he's not just showing others photos of you, he's also looking at other women who have been assaulted by their husbands in taking photos of them without consent, and using that to get off.
He's betrayed you in every way, and he's violating other women too.
You don't know this man if he's capable of this. What if you have a child, a daughter, and in her teens he takes photos of her to swap with others? Would you stay then? If you do, and you have a child with this man, that child will be at risk. He is a sex offender.

"I didnt like it but let it slide because I thought all hubbies do that kind of thing."

This sentence was enough for me - if you don't like it you don't have to do it, however cool everyone else's wife are 🤬

And as for the rest, when deciding whether or not to LTB, remember he's not sorry he did it, he's sorry you found out.

This is appalling, do not have children with this arsehole, please leave him as soon as you can.

God almighty, what have I just read? I hope that this is not real because it’s horrific. And if it is real I hope it’s the shock that’s making you consider staying.

Jesus irs not just the fact he’s betraying your trust, or that it’s the most disrespectful sleazy thing, but your friends, your family, your neighbours, your colleagues, they could know. And just becayse it’s temp doesn’t mean these weirdos aren’t copying the pics and posting them on other sites. The humiliation of it.

You’ll need to find every single image and keep looking every single day to see where they pop up and have them removed.

I hope this isn’t real but if it’s not then it’s concerning what sort of person would make this up.

Men do not do this
It is not normal
And you should never let ANYTHING slide in a relationship that you don't like

This is horrendous. I’m so sorry OP.

His sexual fetish in no way justifies betraying your trust and undermining your privacy and personal dignity. What if your employer, family or friends see these photos? I couldn’t possibly forgive this.

What the actual Fuck have I just read?

My god, OP. This is horrendous. He has violated you in the worst way all so he can de-stress???

He keeps saying that the stress of not being able to conceive is what started this because he felt his "sperm was failing and somehow having other men cm for me helped".*
Jesus wept. So he gets a kick out of knowing men are wanking over your naked body? Fucking hell.
I am in shock.
I honestly did not think a husband would ever be capable of this. He is supposed to be protecting you, not prostituting you out.

And you want to have a kid with him?
And when you can't conceive a second time? To de-stress. You'd better hope to hell he isn't going to get a kick out of sharing images of your child. I mean, if he can share naked images of his wife for men to wank over, really where is his line???

The man is a pervert. And what he has done is a crime.
And if he is letting men wank off to your images, you can bet he's wanking off to images of other women who have no idea their naked pictures are being shared online.

Why the hell are you still considering staying with him? You should be reporting him and these disgusting websites to the police.

He has completely dehumanised you. He is NOT a loving husband. He is sick disgusting freak.

This is horrendous. He is a sexual predator who gets off on other men sexually objectifying you without your knowledge and consent. This is vile. It is a huge violation of your trust and hugely disrespectful of you.

He is not a good man, he is not a good husband, and he would absolutely not be a good father.

Get away from him.

Future employment could find out as they do SM checks

@FourWordsImMuNiTy

Much less forgivable than cheating.

I was thinking this. My husband has not cheated, but I have sometimes thought it might be forgivable to me.

This, definitely not. It would be the end of the relationship and I even think I would report a crime.

He belongs in a prison cell.

Please do not minimise his crime by saying he is lovely in other ways. This is nothing like cheating. In my opinion it is far, far worse. Having your intimate pictures shared around feels like an assault. Because it really is that.

The long term consequences for you of this betrayal are far worse than his pathetic (made up) concern about not being able to conceive.

Do not have a child with him, whatever you do. Report him.