He shared private pictures online

[feelingexposed]

Hello, I am actually very embarrassed to post this but needed to know if its happened to others and get some advice.

My husband has been taking pictures of me in private for years, sometimes sneaky ones other times he asks me to let him. As you can imagine i am in various stages of dressed in them, usually not at all. I didnt like it but let it slide because I thought all hubbies do that kind of thing.

This was okay until last week, some stranger messaged me on FB and was saying pervy comments and then sent me a picture of myself, fully nude asleep. I flipped out big time and asked him where he got it. Apparently he got it on an image sharing site when men share pics of their wives. I blocked the person and rang my husband immediately. He was really panicked and told me the whole story.

For the past 2 years he has been sharing my pictures on forums and websites specifically for unaware wives, he says he really enjoys it and it helps him de-stress and get off. He then said he has never shared my details and gave me a fake name (as if that made it okay). We have been trying to have a child for a number of years now and he claims it helps him manage his EJs. He said he never meant to hurt me and he is really sorry i found out.

What on earth do I do now? hundreds of men have seen these pictures and I love my husband so its really hard to make any decisions or talk to him right now. AIBU or is this justified? he has never cheated or anything like that.

Help

I feel sick at the thought of what he’s done to you. You poor thing. I hope you can stay strong and stick to your guns, not be talked into going back. I can’t believe he tried to blame the upset of infertility for his disgusting actions. Please, please do confide in someone, you really need someone to lean on. Nobody is going to judge you at all. He really doesn’t deserve protection. Even if you do go ahead and leave him he’s likely to do it to other women in the future. He should be on a sex offenders register.

Op I'm so pleased to see your update. It must be the most shocking day of your life and you've been so very strong to kick him out. Please keep him out and over time, look after yourself way, way above him. While it's so easy from the outside to say get the police involved, and I do hope you'll do it eventually, I'm wishing you all the best.

@HopelesslyOptimistic I've seen some horrific things on here that turned out to be made up. Not always to this extent but many were sexual in nature.

It's not that I'm naive enough to think it wouldn't happen and I'm aware things like this do unfortunately happen IRL. On this occasion it's the OPs attitude that didn't ring true but she could well be in shock.

I would expect absolute anger & rage but she seems pretty calm. Also if I'd just found this out about my DH, my first thought wouldn't be to post on MN, especially not in a very calm way making claims about how perfect my relationship was. I'd be going absolutely mental, shaking, crying, probably going absolutely pshyco and be on my way to the police station but we are all different 🤷🏻‍♀️

I also think you should re-consider your stance on not going to the police, as others have said he could continue uploading your photos plus those of other potentially un-suspecting women he may connect with later on. What he has done is a crime and he should be punished, keeping it secret is doing him or you no favours. It would be dreadful if he ends up doing the same thing to other women he comes into contact with, so by telling the police you would be helping to protect them. So sorry you are going through this but you are doing the right thing by leaving him.

You are 💯 doing the right thing by divorcing and stopping TTC. As pp said, please consider the police. I know it's hard at the moment but what he's done is abhorrent. Stay strong op c

@trevthecat

I'm genuinely concerned that you don't want to throw this relationship away.

Absolutely this.

Wow! That’s really something, does he not understand what he has done!? You could go to the local sweet shop and the guy there has seen you naked! Or knows that your husband does something behind your back- or a parent from the school run or a guy at the gym- it’s a complete invasion!!

If he gives a fake name how did the guy find you on fb- I doubt he just come across your profile as the chance of that actually happening is practically zero!!

I’d leave!

Apologies thread has moved on. Agree with those who say you should report to the police. You are much more vulnerable to being blackmailed in the future if not.
💐

This isn’t made up. Just search online and you get straight to these sites and you can tell by the pictures. I am so shocked.

Just read your update & am glad he's no longer around you to manipulate your feelings,
I can't believe he had pictures of you throughout your entire relationship saved for other peoples sexual gratification my heart breaks for you OP this is truly the worst thing I've ever read on here.
I hope to god you are eventually able to move forward from this and never look back he is truly a despicable human being and divorce is him getting off lightly IMO.
I understand not telling people in your life as this is such a breach of your confidence but I do think his family should be warned if there are young women around him.
However you are entitled to deal with this at your own pace, of course you are.
I'm very sorry again that this is happening to you and other women out there just a shockingly awful scenario I couldn't even behind to put myself in your shoes.

I am truly shocked, your husband is the lowest form of human being. I really think you should go to the police, if not them there are organisations that can help with this. Do not for one minute think that your pictures are deleted, they will be out there.

Your husband has managed to make you believe that him taking these pictures of you, many without your consent is a normal way to behave in a relationship, it most certainly isnt. I would suggest you look at some counselling for yourself where boundaries can be understood. I would also advise you tell someone in real life as long term it will be very difficult to deal with on your own.

I am so sorry you are going through this OP, it is awful.

You can always change your mind and report it to the police at a later date. Please save all the evidence you can (eg: screenshots of the pictures on the website, texts from him addmitting what he has done ect). You never know how you might feel as time goes on.

But for now, well done on making the decision to get free of him. If you dont want to chat with anyone you know, you could speak with womens aid about what has happened. Sometimes its just good to hear a friendly voice who can listen and give any/sign post you to official advice you might need.

@KindChick

This isn’t made up. Just search online and you get straight to these sites and you can tell by the pictures. I am so shocked.

I know it exists and happens every day. There was a documentary on tv with similar issues last night. It's absolutely horrific!

It was OPs attitude towards it what didn't ring true but it's maybe a mixture of shock & 10 years worth of grooming. Personally I'd be straight to the Police than MN....but my skeptisim could just be a result of differing views. The OP was almost trying to defend it and it read to me as of it had been posted my someone who didn't think it was too serious an issue.

Glad to see she's leaving him but a bit worried about him not being reported and OP claiming she still loves him and always will

Sorry this has happened to you OP but in future you will thank your lucky stars you did not have children with him.His behavior is dangerous and other women should be warned, maybe seek informal police advice on this when and if you are ready. You are in shock now but in time you will be angry. Get any real life support you can.

I am a n such shock this is real- I’m gobsmacked sites like this exist- I just literally can’t believe it!!

I don’t even know you OP but my heart fucking aches for you- that is so so sad and no one deserves something like this to happen to them. I’m so very sorry for you.

You do not need to feel shame ( though know its easy for me to say that) you have done NOTHING wrong.
You don’t need to decide now re:police, but i am glad you are leaving him.

He DOES NOT deserve you.
You are WORTH MORE.

Well done OP. Keep all the evidence you can incase you decide you do want to go to the police.

Well done op and I don’t want to make this worse, but if you’ve got the pics you need to start reverse googling them, if they are on one site, they will be on many many more. People repost the images, if this is real, and one man has already found you, plenty of others will too and it’s likely people you know will have seen them.

You are doing the right thing divorcing him but please tell trusted friends and family. You will need support and this is a big traumatic event. If you keep this to yourself you may suffer mentally in future. Wishing you lots of strength and care 💐

it's terrifying the amount he must have taken over a 10 year period, and the damage he could continue to do to you with them, as soon as you start divorce proceedings.

You MUST involve the Police if just to protect the continual sharing of these photos.

It is now Revenge Porn.

@feelingexposed

I'd like to say thank you to everyone who has replied to this. You have all made me realise that I am still in shock and not reacting correctly.

I have told him to stay at his mothers and I have made my mind up that we are stopping TTC and I am going to end the relationship and divorce him.

However I am currently not planning on telling anyone in my life, I don't think I can bare people knowing that my naked body is spread across hundreds of hard drives for perverts and some people even trying to find them. This also means I am not going to the police, he has broken all my trust but I don't think I will ever stop loving him and I don't want to see him in prison. I know a lot of people won't agree with this but this is my current thinking.

He has shown me all the pictures he had in his file and there was a lot. 10 years worth of our relationship and my body in very clear pictures and 90% with my full face as well. I will however be reporting the site, I spent 10 minutes on there earlier and it is not good reading. I really hope this doesn't happen to anyone else.

Thank you all again

I am so sorry that you have been treated in such a horrific way. I can't even begin to know how violated and hurt you must be feeling by someone you trusted for life.

But wow what a strong response to the situation. You are 100% doing the right thing. This is not something you can forgive and forget, it's not something you can live or deal with, this is not a foundation for a healthy relationship or family or for you.

When the shock wears off and the anger kicks in, I would consider the police. What he did to you was disgusting and you deserve justice.

But whatever you do please don't take him back, ever.

Even if you don't to go to the police report the site. You owe it to the women in there.

I've never said this and won't abbreviate
Literally LEAVE THE BASTARD sue and divorce
What a utter scummy cunt

Thank you for the update OP - and brilliant you intend to report the website. It chills me to think such sites exist, let alone someone you trust taking such advantage. Like others have said, this has really shocked me today. I’m sorry you’re going through it. Please take care.