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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

He shared private pictures online

607 replies

feelingexposed · 08/04/2021 15:32

Hello, I am actually very embarrassed to post this but needed to know if its happened to others and get some advice.

My husband has been taking pictures of me in private for years, sometimes sneaky ones other times he asks me to let him. As you can imagine i am in various stages of dressed in them, usually not at all. I didnt like it but let it slide because I thought all hubbies do that kind of thing.

This was okay until last week, some stranger messaged me on FB and was saying pervy comments and then sent me a picture of myself, fully nude asleep. I flipped out big time and asked him where he got it. Apparently he got it on an image sharing site when men share pics of their wives. I blocked the person and rang my husband immediately. He was really panicked and told me the whole story.

For the past 2 years he has been sharing my pictures on forums and websites specifically for unaware wives, he says he really enjoys it and it helps him de-stress and get off. He then said he has never shared my details and gave me a fake name (as if that made it okay). We have been trying to have a child for a number of years now and he claims it helps him manage his EJs. He said he never meant to hurt me and he is really sorry i found out.

What on earth do I do now? hundreds of men have seen these pictures and I love my husband so its really hard to make any decisions or talk to him right now. AIBU or is this justified? he has never cheated or anything like that.

Help

OP posts:
YouBringLightInToADarkPlace · 08/04/2021 19:20

Oh my god I don't even know where to begin.
This is the most horrific thing I think I've read on here.
This is abusive, degrading, illegal, underhand, vile and humiliating to you OP. PLEASE give yourself the respect you deserve and leave.

Ask yourself this- WHY do you not want to tell anyone in your life about this? That's right, because deep down you know how horrendously fucked up that behaviour is.

I'm so sorry this has happened to you but please please leave him.

VodselForDinner · 08/04/2021 19:22

Ugh.

Please don’t have a baby with a sex abuser.

TedMullins · 08/04/2021 19:22

This is absolutely revolting. He’s a sex offender and what he’s done is a crime - look up revenge porn. What kind of sick, twisted, predatory and perverted mind does this man have to do this? He took photos of you while asleep - you couldn’t consent, he knew you didn’t like having intimate pictures taken even when he’s asked you, and he’s used your image as wank fodder for other sick perverts online. However nice he might have been in other areas of your life is meaningless - I’m sure you could find people who thought Harold Shipman was a lovely man and a great doctor! Abusers and criminals are nice people some of the time otherwise they’d never be able to get close enough to anyone to abuse them. It doesn’t matter whether his intentions were malicious or not, this is an unforgivable violation of your body and privacy and you need to go to the police and get away from him immediately.

Morgan12 · 08/04/2021 19:26

This is the worst thing I've read on here by far.

If you stay with this pervert then more fool you.

I'd go absolutely nuclear. I'd divorce him, report him and tell his friends and family exactly why.

pixiecircles · 08/04/2021 19:27

@Morgan12

This is the worst thing I've read on here by far.

If you stay with this pervert then more fool you.

I'd go absolutely nuclear. I'd divorce him, report him and tell his friends and family exactly why.

Seconded.

I hope this isn't real. But if it is, please don't minimise his actions here.

Arrivederla · 08/04/2021 19:28

This cannot be real...Confused

violetmonster · 08/04/2021 19:29

This is one of the worst thing I've read on here. What this man has done is a CRIME OP, plain and simple.

Beetlewing · 08/04/2021 19:30

He funded your masters?
You rely on him financially?
He's been perfect otherwise?
Sounds like grooming love.
I'm so sorry for you but really, this is illegal and abusive. You do not owe him anything. Sorry again. I hope you can see this is what has happened.

Tangledtresses · 08/04/2021 19:30

Absolutely disgusting....-
Just for reference most 99% of teal Jem /husbands would not do this!!! He was just grooming you for it ughhhhh

Candyfloss99 · 08/04/2021 19:31

He's the lowest of the low. A sex offender.

MadeForThis · 08/04/2021 19:32

This is one of the most shocking things I've read.

He's a sex offender.

He gets excited by abusing you and other women online.

Another man was able to track you down. What if he didn't approach you on Facebook? What if he had approached you on the street? Or came to the house when you were alone?

This man is trying to blame the fact that you are trying for a baby for his perverse offending. He is sick.

After 10 years he has no respect for you. Don't waste another minute with him. If you told friends or family what he had done they would beg you to leave.

He's sick and it's dangerous.

harknesswitch · 08/04/2021 19:33

Jesus I don't know what's worse, sharing you photos or taking photos of you undressed and asleep. He sounds like a complete sleaze. As for the fact the pictures are temporary, that doesn't stop people copying them and keeping them to use for their own pleasure. Watermark or no watermark. Just gross. This would be a deal breaker for me.

Tangledtresses · 08/04/2021 19:34

Interesting that op never posted again

Ugh some dirty fucker looking for a wank fest of other women's stories 🤮

grapewine · 08/04/2021 19:36

@Tinkling

Now you LTB.

That is disgusting. He is abusing you. This is CRIMINAL BEHAVIOUR. You can have him arrested right this very second. He would be prosecuted. He would go to prison and be added to the sex offender register. That is how serious this is.

Imagine if you had a child with this man and he did the same with your children! Fucking hell.

OP, this is what you need to do.

It's a crime. What a fucking sleaze he is.

Twistered · 08/04/2021 19:37

In our 10 years together this is the only bad thing he has done, he has been perfect and loving in every other way. He keeps saying that the stress of not being able to conceive is what started this because he felt his "sperm was failing and somehow having other men cm for me helped"*

What? Sorry .... Eh what???

You're surely not staying and forgiving this?
What the actual fuck

violetmonster · 08/04/2021 19:38

@Tangledtresses to be fair, even a regular user would probably name change for something like this

Noodle765 · 08/04/2021 19:38

If he murdered someone, would you still say "this is the only time he's done something bad in 10years" and consider staying? It's the same. He's a criminal. Only difference is this time he committed the crime against you.

grapewine · 08/04/2021 19:39

he felt his "sperm was failing and somehow having other men cm for me helped" *

This is actually disgusting. What a creep. He doesn't even see you as a person here.

BrilliantBetty · 08/04/2021 19:39

The saddest and most frustrating thing about this thread is that OP doesn't seem to realise the gravity of this.

I hope you wake up.

Figgygal · 08/04/2021 19:42

He’s a untrustworthy Pervy bastard who is justifying his shitness with a way he knows will invoke sympathy
I’d have called the police on him already op

cakecakecheese · 08/04/2021 19:43

He's been doing it for two years just think about how many men have seen you in a way you thought was solely for your husband. Horrendous.

Also he's sorry he got caught, so had you not been harassed by a creepy stranger he'd be carrying on posting naked pictures of you online and you'd be none the wiser.

His excuses are pitiful, plenty of men are stressed and have infertility issues but they can all manage to not do this to their wives.

I would suggest you call Women's Aid as I think you really need to speak to someone. It sounds like you're in a bit of shock which is understandable but you need to let this sink in and then get really really angry.

Butwasitherdriveway · 08/04/2021 19:45

I do hope this is real.

Tangledtresses · 08/04/2021 19:47

@violetmonster really? That's posted and no one replies??

TheWaif · 08/04/2021 19:47

@Butwasitherdriveway

I do hope this is real.
I do hope you mean isn't real.
Ninkanink · 08/04/2021 19:47

This is one of those times where you find yourself hoping the whole thing’s made up.

Sadly though it is reality for too many unsuspecting women.

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