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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

He shared private pictures online

607 replies

feelingexposed · 08/04/2021 15:32

Hello, I am actually very embarrassed to post this but needed to know if its happened to others and get some advice.

My husband has been taking pictures of me in private for years, sometimes sneaky ones other times he asks me to let him. As you can imagine i am in various stages of dressed in them, usually not at all. I didnt like it but let it slide because I thought all hubbies do that kind of thing.

This was okay until last week, some stranger messaged me on FB and was saying pervy comments and then sent me a picture of myself, fully nude asleep. I flipped out big time and asked him where he got it. Apparently he got it on an image sharing site when men share pics of their wives. I blocked the person and rang my husband immediately. He was really panicked and told me the whole story.

For the past 2 years he has been sharing my pictures on forums and websites specifically for unaware wives, he says he really enjoys it and it helps him de-stress and get off. He then said he has never shared my details and gave me a fake name (as if that made it okay). We have been trying to have a child for a number of years now and he claims it helps him manage his EJs. He said he never meant to hurt me and he is really sorry i found out.

What on earth do I do now? hundreds of men have seen these pictures and I love my husband so its really hard to make any decisions or talk to him right now. AIBU or is this justified? he has never cheated or anything like that.

Help

OP posts:
noodledoodler · 08/04/2021 18:52

OP this man is a sex offender, he has committed multiple sex crimes against you, his wife over years without your knowledge or consent. He has been tricking you into living a lie as what you thought was a loving relationship was anything but. You have a choice now, to not live with the lies and abuse anymore or become complicit in his lies. Do you really want to spend the rest of your life pretending that your life is perfect, this man is a loving and decent partner and pass him off i.e. lie and cover for his crimes and abuse to family, friends and everyone else in your life? Those photos will re surface eventually and you will have to explain why you stayed with a sex offender. Oh, and if you have children with him that will affect them for the rest of their lives too, but he may have already found other ways to sexually exploit them. Out of interest, were you very young when you got together, is there a big age gap? This is one instance where I wish mumsnet could take action to protect the OP in some way, so hard to read this account of manipulation and exploitation of OP.

Wanderlusto · 08/04/2021 18:52

Imagine if you has had a daughter with him, you'd spend the rest of your life worried that he might be secretly filming her too.

I'd be checking the bathroom for hidden cameras.
Don't get pregnant with this creep now whatever you do.

Ardvark111 · 08/04/2021 18:52

Lesson learned in 1 respect. However pics when your asleep is something else, it's ultimately upto you but you could involve the cops 're my latter comment... he will then having his own picture taken in a police custody mugshot, and if it goes to court even newspapers and online court cases,!!

PissTestRightNowDaniella · 08/04/2021 18:55

Jesus.

You go to the police as what he has done is criminal.

Then you divorce him.

Peachy66 · 08/04/2021 18:59

That would be the end of the relationship for me.
Why are you setting your bar very low for this vile person.!!!!!!
What is he going to come out with next. Sell your body to all and sundry as it will turn him on watching other men having sex with you.
You should leave this low life, name and shame him and let the police deal with him.

mbosnz · 08/04/2021 18:59

How would he feel about you uploading photos of him, without his knowledge or consent? Is he up for a photoshoot, where he's the subject, whether he knows and consents or not? No? Thought not. He's an abusive criminal bastard, who has knowingly potentially exposed you to who knows how many creeps and perverts that would get off on stalking you. Once on the internet, always on the internet. And I do not believe that your husband was so naive as not to know this. He just doesn't care.

DrMorbius · 08/04/2021 18:59

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Mangofandangoo · 08/04/2021 19:01

Report to the police - they will take it really seriously

hedrivesmecrazy · 08/04/2021 19:01

This is truly shocking. Not only has he violated you & is sexually abusing you he also put you in danger. What if this other bloke was obsessed with you & started stalking you. He went to the trouble of finding out who you are. Your DH has put you in such a vulnerable position. You would be crazy to stay with him. So fucking what if he paid for your masters. Please get rid of him.

pixiecircles · 08/04/2021 19:02

I'm not sure why this is even a question. call the police, and kick him out. If you're smart about it they may take his laptop/phone. and do NOT have a child with this man.

OP this is genuinely one of the worst things I've ever read on here. I hope you're okay.

Veryverycalmnow · 08/04/2021 19:04

Poor you OP. It sounds like you're somehow thinking about forgiving him, even after treating you and your body with total and utter disrespect. What else is he lying about? Creepy.

Alreadyinmypyjamas · 08/04/2021 19:05

Fuck that shit. This is worse than cheating. You'll never feel safe in your own home again.

WisnaeMe · 08/04/2021 19:06

Im not sure OP is 'getting' the criminality of what he is doing.. the violation of her personal private naked body ...

She maybe isn't seeing Him for what he is ...

How can we show her ? 🌸

Butwasitherdriveway · 08/04/2021 19:07

Police, and leave him.

Do not have a child with this man- he has shown you he is an abuser.

Deathgrip · 08/04/2021 19:08

OP, if you stay, you are telling him that what he’s done is okay. He will get worse.

I understand the impulse to want to minimise how bad this is but you can’t come back from this. How will you ever feel safe?

Butwasitherdriveway · 08/04/2021 19:10

What about the other women?? You need to report this site!

ginandgingers92 · 08/04/2021 19:10

Definitely a crime here..

He shared private pictures online
MrsGulDukat · 08/04/2021 19:11

I hope this aint real but it's making me feel quite fucking ill.

It's disgusting and you are contemplating forgiving him for what? 10 years doesnt mean shit when the trust is gone.

And for the love of god dont have kids with this man.

Would you seriously tell your daughter/field if this happened to them that because they did some nice things they should be forgiven?

He's served you up on a plate for pervs and you need to realise the danger he put you in.

Calmingvibrations · 08/04/2021 19:14

Woaaah - I would take cheating over this every single time. I mean, this is worse than cheating. Way worse.
You need to figure out why you aren’t more angry.
Fine, if it’s your thing - in which case you should be doing it together. But it doesn’t sound like it is something you are happy with.
It may also be helpful to try unravel why you went along with some of the photos when you weren’t happy with it. No, it’s not something all husbands do. And even if it was, doesn’t mean you have to do it.

Divebar2021 · 08/04/2021 19:15

So he’s published pictures with your face in them??????? Or he’s given your real name otherwise how would you be traced? If you have an image you can to do a reverse image search on one of the photos he’s taken and see where it is exactly. If he’s shared the picture from your FB you may find searching that will lead you to whatever this website is.

BananaHammock23 · 08/04/2021 19:15

Oh my god - this is one of the worst things I've ever read on Mumsnet! Im so sorry this has happened to you OP. I think it's very concerning that he's shared photos of your face as well as your body, as presumably these could be found by anyone (family, employers etc), not to mention it opens you up to some nasty experiences like the one you've had with a stranger online! Leave your husband and report him to the police. He's been sharing intimate images of you without your consent.

ParadiseIsland · 08/04/2021 19:16

Will you ever be able to trust him though?
Some of those pics are you sleeping. He could do it again and you would never know. Unless he is making a mistake which is less likely now...

You really can’t let him brush that under the carpet

YanTanTethera123 · 08/04/2021 19:17

@imalmostthere

Op - you realise he's not just showing others photos of you, he's also looking at other women who have been assaulted by their husbands in taking photos of them without consent, and using that to get off. He's betrayed you in every way, and he's violating other women too. You don't know this man if he's capable of this. What if you have a child, a daughter, and in her teens he takes photos of her to swap with others? Would you stay then? If you do, and you have a child with this man, that child will be at risk. He is a sex offender.
He’s effectively prostituting you online. Ffs kick him out and report him to the police before he gets a chance to post the photos elsewhere. He’s minimising big time hoping you’ll believe his lies.
AndromedaGal · 08/04/2021 19:19

Ummm no, that’s not ok. Who the fuck does this? You have your naked body displayed on the internet for random strangers to masterbate over. Wrong

Shehasadiamondinthesky · 08/04/2021 19:20

What a fucking wanker. Anyone could have seen them, your dad, friends, your employer and they are on there forever.
If that was me i'd be getting a divorce and calling the police.
"I didn't mean to hurt you", no he didn't mean to be caught.
He is the worst man I've ever heard of. If you don't ditch him then more fool you.