He shared private pictures online

[feelingexposed]

Hello, I am actually very embarrassed to post this but needed to know if its happened to others and get some advice.

My husband has been taking pictures of me in private for years, sometimes sneaky ones other times he asks me to let him. As you can imagine i am in various stages of dressed in them, usually not at all. I didnt like it but let it slide because I thought all hubbies do that kind of thing.

This was okay until last week, some stranger messaged me on FB and was saying pervy comments and then sent me a picture of myself, fully nude asleep. I flipped out big time and asked him where he got it. Apparently he got it on an image sharing site when men share pics of their wives. I blocked the person and rang my husband immediately. He was really panicked and told me the whole story.

For the past 2 years he has been sharing my pictures on forums and websites specifically for unaware wives, he says he really enjoys it and it helps him de-stress and get off. He then said he has never shared my details and gave me a fake name (as if that made it okay). We have been trying to have a child for a number of years now and he claims it helps him manage his EJs. He said he never meant to hurt me and he is really sorry i found out.

What on earth do I do now? hundreds of men have seen these pictures and I love my husband so its really hard to make any decisions or talk to him right now. AIBU or is this justified? he has never cheated or anything like that.

Help

Op This is so horrible to have to go through. I’m usually extremely pragmatic and completely understand why you want to forgive him, however OP this is assault and if he loved or respected you as much as you do him he could have never done what he did.

You are a possession and not a person to this man. Please report him.

Sorry, correction of what I wrote earlier! -

You're not over reacting. I'm NOT normally someone who shouts 'leave the bastard' on Mumsnet as soon as a problem arises.....but seriously......please pack your bags and tell the police too. And yet, he's a pathetic, fucked-up bastard.

OP there is something very very wrong with this man. He is not a loving partner, you have found out about this pictures because some random has traced you. So, your privacy has been repeatedly violated, you have had your naked images shared with god knows who, he has left the door open to rapey perverts to find you in person. Ask yourself, what else might be lurking around the corner? What else is he capable of? You cannot have children with this creature, and you need to get him out of your life. Also, he probably has hidden cameras everwhere, including the loo.

Wow, this is truly one of the worst threads I've read I'm so sorry OP. He has zero respect for you and has treated you as an object. Disgusting. I could never get over that. Leave him.

I don’t usually say this, but you have to LTB!

This is abuse. I’m so sorry you were betrayed like this

You are in shock and that's probably why you are questioning what to do. It IS hard to switch from loving someone to hating them but, oh my god, when that shock wears off and the anger kicks in, throw him out. It is utterly vile what he has done to you.

OP those images are now saved everywhere, that is what those sites are for and how people build a wank bank. What other things will he want you to do to help with his sperm problem? He is a voyeur, it is illegal and, for you, dangerous.

There will be other things.
And you have to choose.
If you make the choice to stay with him and the next bit of shit hits the fan we'll still be here to help and support you.
Sure some people will say told you so.
Hell I might even do that.
But you know in your heart that you won't leave him.
Because you believe this is his first and only mistake.

It's not. No man does just this.

LTB and ring the police.
Do not have children with this man

Be safe OP

His sperm failing and wanting other men to cm for you?
Seriously?!
That's deplorable OP he has been taking photos of you fully nude & asleep and posting them to a sexually graphic website without your knowledge or consent.
That in itself is a crime and now he's manipulating you into thinking because he's otherwise relatively good to you that you should let 2 years of horrendous secretive behaviours slide.
Im sorry I don't care how unfindable those pictures are a man messaged you because he's seen them I can only imagine how many other have, you as a deserve better you said yourself you weren't very comfortable in the first place but thought it was a very normal thing between husband and wife, he destroyed that when he felt the need to have in his words
'other men cm for you'
I can only imagine your the stress your under right now but I implore you to see past your 10 years and think of this as a one time situation between a man and woman, what he has done is a crime. What he has inflicted upon you is disgusting and you deserve better, please don't be manipulated into believing any of his excuses and he's already given himself away as an offender by saying he's sorry you found out, not he's sorry for doing it?!? It's just abhorrent all of it.

I'd kick him sooo fucking hard in the balls he'd be smelling my shoes for weeks. Incredible.

He said all of the sites he used use temporary pictures so there is nothing permanent online, just the ones people have saved.

Sorry love but everything on the internet is permanent.

There's Nothing stopping any other user from re-uploading a naked picture of you while you were sleeping, that they saved to their hard-drive, that your husband uploaded. None whatsoever.

The notion of "temporary" is a farce. A lure to get dickheads like him to upload photos of you.
How awful for you.

apart from this one thing we have had a perfect live together to the envy of all our friends

Oh honey . If you told your friends about this, would they truly envy you? Or would they be saying you should leave him?

Your Masters etc is beside the point. Doing a good thing doesn’t cancel out the bad thing, and it’s not out of the ordinary that he funded some education for you and doesn’t then hold it over you. That’s normal for a couple that love one another.

What isn’t, is taking and posting naked photos of you without your consent and then posting them online for others to wank over.

Holy fucking shit this is shocking. I honestly would be ending this in a shot and I'd be reporting him to the police what he has done is hugely illegal. How fucking dare he. Its all very well him saying no one could trace you but how does he know your next door neighbour, boss, brother, or anyone could also be on that site seeing it all! This is the biggest breach of trust i can imagine a husband ever doing. Also the taking pics of you asleep is creepy and perverted. As long as its helping his stress tho eh!

You will look back on this and thank God you found him out when you did.
Imagine further down the line where it could end up? Hidden cams, recording you? Your kids, work and family finding out?
This is not normal behaviour and I'm so sorry this has happened to you.

@InkieNecro

Of course they aren't temporary. Have you never heard of the print screen button, or even taking a photo on your phone?

You get to choose who sees you naked and nobody else. He has taken this away from you because he didn't think it was important. He's given strangers access to your body who are clearly unstable based on those messages.

He deserves to be arrested, charged and divorced. How fucking dare he! I don't think I've been so angry about a post for years!

And BTW, not all partners take sneaky pictures of their partners. Only weirdos do that.

This.

@feelingexposed - I am utterly appalled on your behalf. I think what he is done is a completely unforgivable breach of trust, and the damage done is irreparable.

Not to mention the fact that he takes semi-clad/nude pictures of you when you are asleep - this is a sexual violation.

Please don’t have children with this man. If you have boys, would you trust him to play his part in raising them to be respect women and girls? He doesn’t understand that women are people, with feelings - he will teach that to his sons. And if you have girls, would you trust him not to take pictures of them? How could you and he teach your daughter that she has bodily autonomy, and that no-one has the right to use her body as an object when he clearly believes women are objects for his relaxation and gratification, and for the sexual gratification of strangers, and when you would know what a hypocrite he was being?

You do realise he won't stop? He will have many photos of you to share - jo doubt he is wanking over other men's wives too. How degrading for them and you. Do they chat on the site - is he sharing intimate details as well as pictures?

He is not a good husband. He has shared you with other men. Where will he stop? What if you have a daughter - how would you feel if someone did the same to her - would you be telling her to stay in this 'perfect' marriage??

He's a creep and a pervert - I bet your friends reAlly already know this

And also think about that creep who contacted you. He was searching for you online. He may not be the only one...

Jesus just when you think you've heard it all...and his justifications for doing this are pathetic. If you let this go op you'll be giving him the green light for god knows what else.
How can you trust someone who's taken nude photos of you asleep ever again?

Yes this is classed as sexual abuse. It's fucking awful.

I hear everything you are saying about your relationship but he has surpassed so many boundaries how in earth can you realistically continue with him.

It's an extremely perverse and abusive way to resolve his own anxiety as he claims. He genuinely has issues with how he views women and what he thinks is ok, and make no mistake he has also been wanking off on other women's photos who are being abused In the same way.

Bastards.

You can't condone this by staying with him surely.

There was a thread on here a few weeks ago about a group of men who had identified a woman on instagram from the porn site onlyfans, and were making it their business to trace women in this way apparently, they were a pretty disgusting sounding bunch. Your husband has served you up to revolting creeps like this. You are potentially in danger.

He's sorry you found out? What an arse.

Total violation and irreparable damage, I'm sorry but you should call it a day for your own self respect.

Wow. Sexual coercion, violation of privacy, allowing other men to violate your privacy. Years and years of it. Photos of you are over the internet by now.

You may think you love this man, he doesn't love you. These aren't the actions of a person who loves and cares about you.

@wewereliars

There was a thread on here a few weeks ago about a group of men who had identified a woman on instagram from the porn site onlyfans, and were making it their business to trace women in this way apparently, they were a pretty disgusting sounding bunch. Your husband has served you up to revolting creeps like this. You are potentially in danger.