He shared private pictures online

[feelingexposed]

Hello, I am actually very embarrassed to post this but needed to know if its happened to others and get some advice.

My husband has been taking pictures of me in private for years, sometimes sneaky ones other times he asks me to let him. As you can imagine i am in various stages of dressed in them, usually not at all. I didnt like it but let it slide because I thought all hubbies do that kind of thing.

This was okay until last week, some stranger messaged me on FB and was saying pervy comments and then sent me a picture of myself, fully nude asleep. I flipped out big time and asked him where he got it. Apparently he got it on an image sharing site when men share pics of their wives. I blocked the person and rang my husband immediately. He was really panicked and told me the whole story.

For the past 2 years he has been sharing my pictures on forums and websites specifically for unaware wives, he says he really enjoys it and it helps him de-stress and get off. He then said he has never shared my details and gave me a fake name (as if that made it okay). We have been trying to have a child for a number of years now and he claims it helps him manage his EJs. He said he never meant to hurt me and he is really sorry i found out.

What on earth do I do now? hundreds of men have seen these pictures and I love my husband so its really hard to make any decisions or talk to him right now. AIBU or is this justified? he has never cheated or anything like that.

Help

Please do not have children with this man

and he is really sorry i found out.

This stood out. He isn't sorry he did it - he is just sorry you found out. How will you be able to trust him other than wearing a full PJ set?

Don’t be so naive, your image will be everywhere! Other websites and dark web, saved to Pervy
Men’s hard drives you need to get rid of your husband. I’m sorry but he doesn’t respect you. If he loved and respected you he wouldn’t want other men looking at you, especially naked! He’s taken advantage of you. Just because these people are strangers doesn’t make it better! He’s completely violate you and your marriage. And what he’s justifying it but saying it helps
Him and could help you have a child?! How disgusting

Your husband has committed a serious sexual assault against you. I think you need to go to the police about this - it is a massive violation.

Report it then @Goatsgetmygoat - I have been with a man as vile as this, these sites exist, you are naive if you think this doesn’t happen. Giving the OP the support she needs and the benefit of the doubt is my inclination. If you think it’s not true, you don’t need to respond - troll hunting is against guidelines for a reason.

This is abuse. Exploitation and criminal.
How can you love this manipulative liar? Who taught you about relationships? No, husbands don’t do this sort of thing!! Do you really think this is how men behave?? Your husband is disgusting and a perv and a sexual deviant. This is not normal. You should report him to the police and divorce him and find yourself a normal life. Christ. This is shocking. Utterly shocking

Put the image into Google image search. I bet you anything it's out there and not only on one site.

That doesn't even cover how many phones and computer hds it's on too.

Remember how it felt when you got that first message. How violated and scared and the fast heart beating. Your husband caused that by doing something against the law. If you split with him and just let him carry on with no punishment and police involvement imagine what he could do with the images, maybe videos and the info he has on you,.

This is harsh and I'm purposely writing it that way. He has put you in DANGER. He is not a loving caring husband or partner who only wants the best for his wife or partner. By assigning ip adddresses they may have even made it easier to track you.

I don't want to scare yoy, he has done enough of that. I just want to help remove the scales from your eyes so you can see what another person had done to you

Ffs this was a crime committed against you, which has put you in actual danger. Ltb and phone the police. This is much worse than cheating imho

How will you be able to trust him other than wearing a full PJ se

I don't think this would help. He's probably the type to set up cameras in the house.

In our 10 years together this is the only bad thing he has done, he has been perfect and loving in every other way. He keeps saying that the stress of not being able to conceive is what started this because he felt his "sperm was failing and somehow having other men cum for me helped*

He's not perfect and loving. He's a pervert who put his needs before yours. Please stop excusing him. He's disgusting. Normal husbands don't do this.

One of the most horrific things I've ever read in here op. Actually feel sick.

Straight to the police.
Theres no excuse for this. He has violated you in so many ways and put you at risk if being harassed and stalked by other perverts.

Jails should be filled by men like your husband. They are everything that is wrong with the world.

If my husband cheated on me, I'd leave him. If he did this to me, I'd report him to the police and do whatever I could to have him put on the sex offenders register, whilst also leaving him. This is so far beyond the boundaries of acceptable and so much worse than cheating. I'm horrified for you, OP. Please don't stay with him. This is an unforgivable violation.

I would phone the police to report this and I would immediately file for divorce.

This is utterly, utterly unforgiveable. How dare he?

@Happylittlethoughts

I could tell by your tone from the beginning you were not looking at this as others do from outside. You are desperate to move past or mitigate the worst effects of this issue to save your marriage/life you had from being destroyed. Your world could be destroyed and you dont want that, even above the reality of what has happened to you. I could hear it in your voice. As I said before though, the 99% of nice doesn't matter- the 1% of this man who perpetrated this crime on you is too awful. Women(and men) live in marriages where they know there are huge problems like infidelity, emotional or physical abuse, rape, paedophilia and other horrors. I guess some can't see a way to being free, or find a way to make it acceptable to maintain their life. I think you deserve better. I wish you did OP.

Especially as no kids involved.

This is so sad to read. NO ONE deserves the abuse you've had, OP.

It doesn't matter what he says about you and photos being temporary and untraceable. You ARE traceable - a man found and messaged you.

Your relationship would never be the envy of your friends if they found out the truth.

Watermark or not - You've no idea where your photos are right now and nor does your husband. He knows what he has shown you, that's all. He has no control over the internet.

This is a difficult read as it's repulsive. Your husband is a pervert and is using you to get off on his kink, no doubt discussing online with other men using you as wank fodder too.

I hope you find some closure whether you stay or not.

@nitsandwormsdodger

Future employment could find out as they do SM checks

And future children may happen upon it down the line.

“In our 10 years together this is the only bad thing he has done, he has been perfect and loving in every other way. He keeps saying that the stress of not being able to conceive is what started this because he felt his "sperm was failing and somehow having other men c*m for me helped".

I don't know what to do, apart from this one thing we have had a perfect live together to the envy of all our friends, I also really relay on him financial and he founded my masters. At no point has he ever thrown that in my face. I know what he did was really evil but I don't know if i can throw away 10 years and start again sad“

“Apart from this one thing we have had a perfect life together...” @feelingexposed this one thing is SO huge though!! He’s abused you and he’s trying to manipulate it to look like he’s doing it to help you conceive a child?!? Please think long and hard before you decide to stay with him- and DEFINITELY consider whether this is the type of man you want to father your children. 💐

Also op you do know that he will have been looking at other women on this site too. Women that like you, have no idea their men are doing this to them. It's fucking sick.

I'd be calling the police

Surely this isn't real?

There was a post on here the other day, the OP had caught her partner in a creepy chat group where these guys made it like a game to locate Only Fans girls, looking for clues in photos etc.

This guy who contacted you made it his business to track you down, that's really creepy and he probably gets a kick from your distress.

Oh my God I'm so sorry 💐

Even though this guy over the net was a perv, in the end I think it was a good thing that he contacted you so you know who you're living with.
on forums and websites specifically for unaware wives, he says he really enjoys it and it helps him de-stress and get off. He then said he has never shared my details and gave me a fake name (as if that made it okay). We have been trying to have a child for a number of years now and he claims it helps him manage his EJs

What the actual fuck?????? Oh my God OP, don't believe it. Part of the thrill for them is the lack of consent. It's satisfaction that you don't even know about it and knew you would be really upset if you found out. Disgusting. Please don't stay with a man like that.

You say you love him but he has hidden a very dark part of himself away from you.

He said all of the sites he used use temporary pictures so there is nothing permanent online, just the ones people have saved

Mind blown. Just the ones people have saved??? Of you naked??? Oh that makes it all ok them!! The thing about temporary pictures is fucking nonsense. Anyone can easily screenshot anything these days. There is no such thing as temporary and he bloody knows it.

The only truthful thing here is that yes, I'm sure he's sorry you found out!!!

You're not over reacting. I'm normally someone who shouts 'leave the bastard' on Mumsnet as soon as a problem arises.....but seriously......please pack your bags and tell the police too. And yet, he's a pathetic, fucked-up bastard.

Please call the police and then a divorce lawyer! This is illegal.

There's a programme about this, it was on last night on BBC three called when nudes are stolen. Please watch it. There is a lawyer on there that works with women to get these pictures removed from the internet. She helps
Revenge porn victims for free.

This is not your fault, you should not be embarrassed. Your husband has abused your trust in the worst way possible

@feelingexposed “having other men cum for you” is even more shades of wrong not an excuse.
This is criminal and I would be asking him to leave. Sadly nothing in the internet is temporary or private. This is absolutely game over if it was me. He would be in a hotel tonight.