He shared private pictures online

[feelingexposed]

Hello, I am actually very embarrassed to post this but needed to know if its happened to others and get some advice.

My husband has been taking pictures of me in private for years, sometimes sneaky ones other times he asks me to let him. As you can imagine i am in various stages of dressed in them, usually not at all. I didnt like it but let it slide because I thought all hubbies do that kind of thing.

This was okay until last week, some stranger messaged me on FB and was saying pervy comments and then sent me a picture of myself, fully nude asleep. I flipped out big time and asked him where he got it. Apparently he got it on an image sharing site when men share pics of their wives. I blocked the person and rang my husband immediately. He was really panicked and told me the whole story.

For the past 2 years he has been sharing my pictures on forums and websites specifically for unaware wives, he says he really enjoys it and it helps him de-stress and get off. He then said he has never shared my details and gave me a fake name (as if that made it okay). We have been trying to have a child for a number of years now and he claims it helps him manage his EJs. He said he never meant to hurt me and he is really sorry i found out.

What on earth do I do now? hundreds of men have seen these pictures and I love my husband so its really hard to make any decisions or talk to him right now. AIBU or is this justified? he has never cheated or anything like that.

Help

Your husband has committed a criminal offence against you. A sexually motivated offence.

He's not only violated you, he's put you in direct danger and that is proven due to the man who already found you and contacted you.

He has made you wank fodder for other men, because that is the wank fodder he enjoys. He has objectified you to other men who also take and secretly share pictures of their partners.

It would be unthinkably selfish to have a child with this man and it is absolute madness that you're considering staying with him.

He hasn't done 'just' one thing. He's done a number of terrible things (secretly taking, sharing, taking more, sharing more etc) over the course of years it's just you've only found out now. He's led a campaign of sustained crimes against you. Literal crimes that could be pursued legally, something it sounds like you aren't ready to consider but really should.

Answer this question honestly if you are unsure what to do next: Thinking about the lines he's crossed and the unspoken boundaries he's broken - is he really a man you think should be the father of your future children? What's your honest answer to that?

I don't know how you can even stand to be in the same room as him. My skin is crawling hearing about him and I am raging on your behalf.

He sees you as his property for men to cum over. Again, is that someone you want to be the father of your future children?

*despicable not disputable

He keeps saying that the stress of not being able to conceive is what started this because he felt his "sperm was failing and somehow having other men cm for me helped".*

That’s a load of BS. I really hope you don’t work anywhere like a school where this would be very frowned upon,

This is a weirdly similar story to an old thread entitled 'husband taking photos without my consent' also been together 10 years.
It sounds like an extremely distressing situation if it's true.

That’s a load of BS. I really hope you don’t work anywhere like a school where this would be very frowned upon

So true...

OP how many men now have naked images of you ?

you have been violated over and over .. if ONE man can find you online.. how many others will do the same.. you are extremely vulnerable and could be considered at risk, from strangers now.

you must Report this.

Your husband has put you in danger if men can track you down on the internet. What he has done is unforgiveable, and if it is a crime, then I would seriously consider reporting him to the police. I know it will be difficult because he is your husband, but he deserves it.

Instead of talking to you about his feelings, he put dirty pics on the internet for other men to wank over to make HIM feel better......

I rarely say LTB, but seriously, LTB. You deserve so much better than a man who can treat you like this. Do you really to to have children with a man like this?

You don’t appear to realise the enormity of what he’s done.

Your husband, the man who is supposed to love you has taken photos when you’re at you’re most vulnerable and posted them for other men to get their kicks from, presumably whilst getting his from similar photos. The website is for this purpose specifically so all the sick fucks that use it know full well that it is non consensual.

He then tells you he’s sorry you found out, not sorry that he did it. Beggars belief.

Then as if it wasn’t bad enough, one of the sickos that use the website manages to track you down and contact you. He has compromised your safety.

These ‘men’ are sexual predators, your husband included. They have no respect for women at all. I would, without a shadow of a doubt, be calling the Police.

This possibly isn’t the only bad thing he’s done in 10 years, you may not know about others and how long has this been going on for? Even if it was a one off it’s so serious it changes nothing.

OP your husband is a sex offender who is sexually abusing you. Abusers are skilled at manipulating their victims and presenting an image of themselves to the world that allows the abuse to continue undetected. This is why you think of yourselves as a golden couple and that this is one isolated mistake, it is part of the abuse and manipulation that you have been subjected to. It is in his interests to change your thinking and perception. You need to go to the police, who will take this very seriously. Sexual offences are all about control. He has said he enjoys the fact that you were not consenting to any of this. So he enjoys the total control he has over your body and uses that control for his own and other's sexual gain. To say this is a red flag is putting it mildly. With sexual offences there is often an escalation in patterns of behaviour that involve control and then move on to physical assaults. This is why the police take flashing so seriously and why that gets you put on the sex offenders register. Your husband's actions are far more serious and worrying. Please tell someone in real life OP. You are a victim here and no one would treat you as anything else. Do not stay with him. There is no reason at all why he would not do this to any daughters that you had if you stayed. The element of control and abuse would be the same, and that is what he enjoys.

It’s true for every woman whose photos have been posted on those sites and forums by despicable, depraved men...so it's entirely within the realms of possibility that these two threads are also true.

Im really worried about you and your situation OP, honestly Im literally afraid for you. 🥺

Im so sorry that is happening to you. 🌸

This is a criminal offence- revenge porn.
Please speak to the police and get some as advice
He is in the wrong and I can understand how shocked and betrayed you may feel
This is a total violation of trust

WTAF??!!!!

Make a report to the police and get him away from you (File charges if you can and hopefully it leads to a prison term!!).

The internet never forgets and this is something you will have to live with forever. He chose to do what he did, I personally would never forgive anyone who did this.

Get out Now!!!!!!

he felt his "sperm was failing and somehow having other men cm for me helped"*

Concerning that, knowing other men were wanking over images you hadn’t consented to being shared, didn’t strike him as being very, very wrong.

Call the police and then divorce him. I'm serious. This is one of the most disgusting things I have read on here. He has violated you and made you a target for any pervert or rapist out there. He is disgusting.

oh and you must shut down all SM right now - no photos nothing. The police would probably be the best ones to advise you how to protect yourself.

OP this is horrendous. I can't even begin to imagine how you're feeling.
It's illegal, awful, and if it was me he'd be out of the house and I'd call the police. End of.

As for 'they're temporary' 'watermarks' etc. What absolute bollocks.

As soon as something goes on the Internet it's there FOREVER. It can never be got rid of.

Proof that the 'watermark' doesn't work is that the creep that contacted you sent you a photo. Any number of people could, and almost certainly have, sent that photo to other people in exactly the same way.

Any creep who has found you and contacted you will have no qualms about sharing your name and details across the Internet.

Someone searching your name when you apply for a job is probably going to see those images.

Some pervert that sees your name or profile on FB could look at your info and see where you work, what pubs you go to, where you get your hair done, whatever. These are the type of creeps that would get a kick from sending people you know those pictures. Your family. Your colleagues.

Your husband needs to be on the sex offenders register. He doesn't see you as an autonomous person, but as a 'thing'. He's dangerous.

My recent ex was locked up for this sort of thing, I only found out after 3 months when someone told me and he admitted it. Thank goodness I'd not let him meet anyone I knew and was taking things slowly. I finished it straight away.

I don’t believe you have a perfect relationship apart from this. You’re lying to yourself and living in denial. Men who do this to their partners are not great partners the rest of the time. It’s part of a pattern of abusive behaviour.

You shouldn’t feel grateful that he doesn’t give you a hard time about supporting you while you got your Masters degree. That should be expected without question.

You’ll definitely find, if you have the courage to end your relationship, that there’s a lot of other disrespectful things he’s done and said that you can see more clearly when you’re not financially and emotionally reliant on him.

The fact that you haven’t immediately ended the relationship shows how little you value yourself. I bet he’s got your self esteem down to zero. Please tell someone else who loves you about this so they can try to protect you if you won’t protect yourself.

How absolutely bloody awful for you . I have no advice but you are not being unreasonable, I would be raging . Make him leave whilst you take advice and think about your next steps.

To give you an idea of scale. This morning I watched a 19yo get a six month suspended sentence for sending unsolicited dick picks to a 14 yo. So no general public sharing.

I would say what's happened to you is worse. It's available publicly forever. No consent. No right to privacy for the rest of your life. That's huge.

Currently your DH could get 2 years prison.
There is also an amendment to the law under consultation on this subject.

Sorry, I didn't mean to compare what happened to me with your horrendous situation at all.

This is genuinely shocking.
I couldn't ever trust him again and would not have children with him. Where is the line, what happens if you have a daughter? When will he share photos of her and her young adult friends?

His behaviour is repugnant. He is an utter disgrace. He is not a good man. His attitude and actions are horrifying.

This is unbelievably fucked up.

I cannot believe you're actually entertaining the idea of staying in a relationship with this man.

What the fuck

What a total and utter shit !

I feel sick just thinking about this. It would be over for me, and I say that as someone who threw or out a cheating husband despite the urge to not throw away 13 years. I would report this to the police without a doubt.

@sticktomygun

I appreciate this is hard but noone is going to tell you to stay with him.

I'm slowly losing sympathy the more you keep defending him.

If what you want to accept from life that your husband can only ejaculate after submitting photos where you're naked and exposed to other strange men, that's your choice.

You've been given plenty of advice on this thread that you're just ignoring so you can continue to make excuses to us on his behalf.

No-one here believes them.

(Surely that website should be reported to the police if the photos are non consentual?)

I agree with this. I can’t comprehend her defence of him. It’s bizarre.