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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Am I too suspicious?

102 replies

Caffeineprincess · 08/04/2021 14:17

Ok so I have been through a couple of mills and do not want a repeat.

I've been with this guy since the end of July last year. It been for the most part pretty lovely. We see each other every other day, met each others kids, always talk on the phone, have keys to each others houses etc etc.

But I've noticed a few things. he gets lots of work calls but quite often when its a womans name on display he wont pick up while I'm there, although he picks up most other calls. Sometimes these calls are pretty late, due to the nature of his job not unusual but still I don't have men calling me at say 11.30pm unless emergency...

I've noticed he also has some women's names saved with the fire emoji next to it.

And yesterday he removed a tag of himself of a post I put on facebook, thanking various people in my life as had a bit of a crazy start to the year. This tag was there since feb but it disappeared yesterday and when I asked him he got very angry and defensive and said it wasn't him and he doesn't know how it happened. He has since deleted Facebook. ( although I know this has to be a lie)

he also had tinder installed on his ipad still a while ago, I asked him about it and he deleted it but got annoyed at me that I asked about it.

I have also had someone create a fake facebook profile and message me about him.

Whenever I try and talk to him about it, he gets annoyed and angry, says I do not trust him and then says he will spend less time with me and keep his weekends to himself from now on or he'd be happier single and similar.

Ok so fair enough when I saw he removed the tag ( pathetic I know) I did get angry and raised my voice a bit, but didnt swear or say anything rude. we had a couple of arguments. But I apologised for my reaction and he accepted it but refused to come a visit me that night as planned.

He has had issues with me and can be very aggy and rude. I feel like I'm always apologising.

I do love him, and do want to give him the benefit of the doubt but would any of you question the above?

OP posts:
MumblingMom · 08/04/2021 14:22

Nope. I think I’d be pretty suspicious about all of that too, especially as he’s getting so defensive.

seensome · 08/04/2021 14:25

Omg every single paragraph about him is blatantly telling you he's a cheat, I think you are not wanting to accept this until now?
Women calling a night especially with a fire emoji next to their name, is not innocent.
Tinder installed on his iPad, very fishy
Getting angry and wanting his weekends free, so he still see other women!

100% ditch him now and don't look back

anunexaminedlife · 08/04/2021 14:26

Firstly, the fire emoji saves next to peoples names when you add their number from tinder.

Secondly, you're not being suspicious enough! Dump him.

SleepySundays · 08/04/2021 14:26

I’d question a lot of it, particularly all added together. Plus if someone was a bit suspicious of me ( my dh for example) I’d want to prove I had nothing to hide, I would be getting aggressive. I think aggression = guilt.
Did you notice tinder on the ipad before? If it’s a new thing , he’s cheating (rather than left over from the past)
What did the fake Facebook message say
He sounds like he’s horrible any way and sending your instincts haywire, so I’d throw him back where he came from

SleepySundays · 08/04/2021 14:27

Wouldn’t be aggressive

Shelovesamystery · 08/04/2021 14:29

Run!

Whenever I try and talk to him about it, he gets annoyed and angry, says I do not trust him and then says he will spend less time with me and keep his weekends to himself from now on or he'd be happier single and similar you've got yourself a master manipulator there. Honestly he's not worth it, I'd bet my mortgage he's either cheating on you or trying to, too many suspicious things going on. What bloke in a committed relationship has fire emojis next to a woman's name in their phone fgs? Hmm

Aquamarine1029 · 08/04/2021 14:30

Red flags are everywhere with this one. What on earth is to love about him? You want to love him, but you really don't. How could you? Raise your standards and dump.

Bluntness100 · 08/04/2021 14:30

What was the message you got from the Fake Facebook profile?

Caffeineprincess · 08/04/2021 14:32

@anunexaminedlife

Firstly, the fire emoji saves next to peoples names when you add their number from tinder.

Secondly, you're not being suspicious enough! Dump him.

Does that happen on tinder I didnt know that
OP posts:
edwinbear · 08/04/2021 14:32

There is no need to be suspicious OP, it's blatantly obvious he's a cheating scumbag! It's not even worth a conversation with him, just chuck him back and find a better one.

expectopelargonium · 08/04/2021 14:34

I feel like I'm always apologising.

Oh dear. He gets angry with you when you question all the social media shenanigans he's up to, and he then makes you say sorry for not trusting him. And 'punishes' you by spending less time with you. There's obviously plenty to hide then.

This relationship isn't going anywhere, is it? I'd cut your losses now.

Caffeineprincess · 08/04/2021 14:41

@Bluntness100

What was the message you got from the Fake Facebook profile?
it was basically

@you know xxxxx? You are his girlfriend..you think you are? laughing emojis

OP posts:
MayorGoodwaysChicken · 08/04/2021 14:44

Oh dear OP there couldn’t be many more red flags could there? An innocent man doesn’t get angry when you ask him about these things which are very reasonable to question. Please don’t entwine this man with your children any further, he sounds gross Sad

anunexaminedlife · 08/04/2021 14:45

Yes, it saves automatically after their name like this.

Am I too suspicious?
Bluntness100 · 08/04/2021 14:45

Yeah ok, I think it looks likely he’s over the side op, I’m sorry. In this instance it’s walking and talking like a duck so it’s pretty much a duck, I’m sorry,

DG123 · 08/04/2021 14:54

Yes, I agree with everyone else. He's got something to hide. Dump him ASAP!

HollowTalk · 08/04/2021 14:56

I'm horrified he has keys to your house! Get those back and then dump him.

Sillysandy · 08/04/2021 14:59

There's too much OP. Get rid, no explanation, just block and forget.

ThebirdsAndBeesWhereThere · 08/04/2021 15:00

Bin him!

Rubyrecka · 08/04/2021 15:00

Omg you need to get rid pronto!! I wouldn't even bother confronting him. Just delete him from your life.

Itlod1982 · 08/04/2021 15:01

@anunexaminedlife

Yes, it saves automatically after their name like this.
Yup and a bee for bumble!!
Trixie78 · 08/04/2021 15:03

There's red flags all over this hon. Listen to your instincts, they're screaming at you for a reason. Don't let him make you feel you're being unreasonable, you're not. His anger and defensiveness would be a deal breaker for me x

WisnaeMe · 08/04/2021 15:05

Ditch Ditch Ditch 😏

Ritascornershop · 08/04/2021 15:07

Why do (mostly) men do this? Find a nice woman, cheat on her all over the place, then not only keep her dangling but get all grumpy when she has questions. It is brutal this trail of breadcrumbs thing. Brutal. Btdt. Dump him. He is definitely up to no good.

Caffeineprincess · 08/04/2021 15:08

I just dont get where he has the time. he calls me every night before bed or is with me, we see each other every other weekend all weekend.

OP posts:
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