Pregnant and boyfriend is acting up

[mumb3]

I'm a mum of two with a previous partner, and 8 weeks pregnant with 3rd with my partner of three years. He's always had his issues with drink and drugs. It's not every day or even every week but for the most part of our relationship his bad habits have caused us problems. He is a compulsive liar, extremely self centred as seems to change his priorities and personality faster than the seasons. We have had amazing times where he shows me loads of interest and priorities me and the family and is adamant he wants to settle then he can change at the click of a finger and be off somewhere lying to me drinking with his mates and not care how his actions may upset me. Anyway tonight he went to his brothers to play darts. He told me he'd be back by 8:30 latest and to makes sure if I had my as he put it "fat friend" over to make sure she was gone before that time so he could chill. Anyway I didn't invite her over as by time my girls were in bed it wouldn't be worth her time coming over. Come 9pm he wasn't gone no text or anything so I rang his brothers partner whom I'm close with to put him on. I asked his intentions as I'm tired and want to go to bed and lock up an as I've not been sleeping well I don't want to b woken up to let him in (he's lost his key in he last day or so and hasn't bothered to get another cut). He cut me off trying to talk to him and said I'm playing darts and put the phone down on me. Anyway about 10:15 he rang asking if door open and got moody when I said well it was at half 8 but now you've woken me up so I'll have to. When he came in I tried to speak to him and raise my concerns about his behaviour and consideration of my feelings and he just kept saying can't be ar*ed to speak. And kept rolling his eyes like I was out of order. There's been several incidents like this in the last few weeks, this by comparison was mild one time he didn't come home or answer at all and I didn't know where he was and he then rang at 9am the next day for a lift home from his friends and got nasty when I said absolutely not! Also this week we had arranged to go carp fishing together something I paid all the money for the equipment for and I enjoy. I planned the trip and we invited his friend and brother who we have been with a few times before But yesterday he turned round and said I've changed my mind I don't want to go with you now We've invited my other friend and proceeded to call me pathetic and jelous and controlling when I got upset over it. Anyway back to tonight, so he got annoyed at me trying to talk to I'm got dressed again and went to leave, i asked to talk first and expressed how anxious I am and he just kept saying get the keys now or your locking me in over and over and it drove me insane. I got the keys unlocked the door and he went to a neighbours flat (bloke) to carry on drinkinG and hasn't answered since. I'm so scared to be having his child. I love him, I don't want to loose him and see him move on and not care but at the same time I wish I could just leave him and forget he ever existed wipe away any emotion or feeling I have towards him. I'm so scared to leave because I don't want to feel the pain and go through the grieving process. I have emotional receptor issues so when I feel sad for instance it consumes my whole body and it's so debilitating on times. I can't take my usual medication during pregnancy. I guess at advice would be welcome sorry it's so long and all over the place, it mirrors how all over he place my head is at the moment. Also want to note that I have zero family and his are mostly narcissistic types and all self loving and self centred, every one should love us and fear us and want to be us types of families! Thanks in advance

Honest advice? Have a termination and get as far away from him as possible.

Next best thing: keep the pregnancy and get as far away from him as possible- but you’ll always have to tolerate him in your life.

I could've written this nearly 2 years ago...I was with someone who treated me the same(if not worse) and he ended up leaving me during the pregnancy....I was alone pregnant and he was off enjoying his life. The hell he put me through nearly destroyed me. He won't change they very rarely do so you have to decide if you want to be single with a baby dealing with his shit and a newborn or do you want to terminate and have no future ties to him. If you continue the pregnancy be prepared to do it alone.

Sorry forgot to put that a termination is outdo the question for me. While we were taking precautions to prevent this I will absolutely be keeping. Everything happens for a reason. Should also note that if we aren't together I am almost 100% sure he won't be there for the baby anyway so I'll be doing it alone.

Option 2 then. Leave and don’t look back. Get your existing children away from this piece of crap. You’ve subjected them to him for 3 years. That’s enough. Put them first now.

Put your kids first.

Read this description back and do some thinking about how you let this man remain in their lives for three years:

He's always had his issues with drink and drugs. It's not every day or even every week but for the most part of our relationship his bad habits have caused us problems. He is a compulsive liar, extremely self centred as seems to change his priorities and personality faster than the seasons.

A drug user who lies and is volatile shouldn't be someone you bring into their lives.

I think some counselling for you would be really beneficial especially at such a vulnerable time with the pregnancy, particularly as you say your mind is made up re termination - as is your right obviously.

How did you let him into your children's lives for years? You need to take real accountability for that in order to stop it happening again.

Absolutely what the others says. You are letting this total tear walk all over you and treat you like shit. Lock the fucking door and never let him back in. This isn't love. This is abusive and he is using you as a pit stop when he's not out getting pissed with his mates. He doesn't love you. He doesn't respect you. He's teaching your children to disrespect women and that you are a second class citizen. As others have said I would say terminate the pregnancy but if that's not an option for you, kick him out, leave his name off The birth certificate and settle in to do this alone. You would still be better off that allowing that piece of shot back in your domain. Stand up for yourself and show your kids what it means to have an awesome mother.

Why is a termination out of the question? Do you really want you and your children to be tied to this piece of shit?

You let that around your kids? Your a mug for it.

This isn’t a fairytale, get your head out the clouds, have a termination and leave. Why in the world would you even consider bringing a innocent baby into this complete car crash with a alcoholic drug taker as a father!!??

How you could not have seen this coming I don’t know!

I hope you sort it out, you deserve so much more than this!

Wow escape asap!

Has issues with drink and drugs
Won’t be in his child’s life if you are not together
Refers to your friend as fat
Lies to you
Calls you names
Is generally nasty and rude
Takes advantage of you
Doesn’t care if he upsets you
Isn’t even responsible enough to look after a house key
Cuts you off and is rude to you

I know you say you love him, but do you think maybe you just prefer to have him than no one? Because surely you’re not happy with all of that?

It would be very very hard to leave, but it sounds like you have at least one close friend, perhaps you could consider getting things together so you can leave if you ever need to.

You have two children and are prioritising an abusive relationship with a drug addict.

Get out, for their sake.

I agree with all of the others.

You should not have a man like this around your children. That was incredibly irresponsible and while no one wants to lecture a pregnant woman you need to realise how irresponsible that was and now try to limit the damage by ending it now.

If he won't be in the babies life if you aren't together then good, that says a lot about him and the type of father he would be anyway, a shit one! at least then he won't be in your other childrens lives either. If you let this man around your children and they end up with similar waster types when they are older then that will be because of the example of relationships that you set so please do the right thing.

Your poor children. They are the ones who will pay the price for your shocking lack of judgement.

Raise. Your. Standards. Jesus Christ.

Why do you think so little of yourself and your babies that you'd subject them to this penis (because that's all he is) for the rest of its/your life?

I would terminate the pregnancy or you will have to keep contact with this loser. You have two children already - put them first. I’m sure there will be other opportunities to have another baby with a decent guy in the future.

Poor kids...what dreadful role models

He won’t be in the babies life if you split ?

I call that a result

Oh he's an absolute loser.

Get shot.

I love him

He hates you. He treats you with utter contempt, is repulsive about your friends and actively tries to ruin things that bring you joy. He hates you.

Leave. I'd have a termination but I get that you don't want to.

Why on earth would you want to have his child?

Utterly ridiculous to say a termination of an unplanned pregnancy with an abusive addict is out of the question when you already have two children. You are choosing this for yourself and, worse, for your innocent children.

Well it is your choice about having this child but you really need to face up to the fact that he's a lost cause. You fear losing him or him leaving but he's already gone. He isn't 'in' this relationship with you. You're a convenience, and I suspect this pregnancy is adding responsibilities he doesn't want.

Does he work? How does he find the money for drugs and boozing? Who's house do you live in? What was your previous relationship like?

You will be so much better off without him.

Read this thread back to yourself, if your best friend came to you and said exactly what you said about her partner what would your advice be?

Does he work and pay towards the bills. I'm assuming it's your home.

Leave. It's not fair on your unborn baby to have a compulsive liar, awful druggie and alcoholic father who has no respect for its mum.

What about your current kids? Do they see the way he treats you? Because they will grow up thinking it's acceptable to treat people the way you are treated and guess what, it isn't.

He lies to you, calls you names, doesn't have any respect for your feelings, can't have an adult discussion and has drink and drug problems.

Your children surely deserve to be kept away from that kind of behaviour. If you won't leave for you then you need to put your children's needs first.

It sounds like you want to leave anyway you're just scared of being upset when it's over. It's either a short period of being upset or spending the rest of your life being treated like shit and potentially messing up your children too.