Pregnant and boyfriend is acting up

[mumb3]

I'm a mum of two with a previous partner, and 8 weeks pregnant with 3rd with my partner of three years. He's always had his issues with drink and drugs. It's not every day or even every week but for the most part of our relationship his bad habits have caused us problems. He is a compulsive liar, extremely self centred as seems to change his priorities and personality faster than the seasons. We have had amazing times where he shows me loads of interest and priorities me and the family and is adamant he wants to settle then he can change at the click of a finger and be off somewhere lying to me drinking with his mates and not care how his actions may upset me. Anyway tonight he went to his brothers to play darts. He told me he'd be back by 8:30 latest and to makes sure if I had my as he put it "fat friend" over to make sure she was gone before that time so he could chill. Anyway I didn't invite her over as by time my girls were in bed it wouldn't be worth her time coming over. Come 9pm he wasn't gone no text or anything so I rang his brothers partner whom I'm close with to put him on. I asked his intentions as I'm tired and want to go to bed and lock up an as I've not been sleeping well I don't want to b woken up to let him in (he's lost his key in he last day or so and hasn't bothered to get another cut). He cut me off trying to talk to him and said I'm playing darts and put the phone down on me. Anyway about 10:15 he rang asking if door open and got moody when I said well it was at half 8 but now you've woken me up so I'll have to. When he came in I tried to speak to him and raise my concerns about his behaviour and consideration of my feelings and he just kept saying can't be ar*ed to speak. And kept rolling his eyes like I was out of order. There's been several incidents like this in the last few weeks, this by comparison was mild one time he didn't come home or answer at all and I didn't know where he was and he then rang at 9am the next day for a lift home from his friends and got nasty when I said absolutely not! Also this week we had arranged to go carp fishing together something I paid all the money for the equipment for and I enjoy. I planned the trip and we invited his friend and brother who we have been with a few times before But yesterday he turned round and said I've changed my mind I don't want to go with you now We've invited my other friend and proceeded to call me pathetic and jelous and controlling when I got upset over it. Anyway back to tonight, so he got annoyed at me trying to talk to I'm got dressed again and went to leave, i asked to talk first and expressed how anxious I am and he just kept saying get the keys now or your locking me in over and over and it drove me insane. I got the keys unlocked the door and he went to a neighbours flat (bloke) to carry on drinkinG and hasn't answered since. I'm so scared to be having his child. I love him, I don't want to loose him and see him move on and not care but at the same time I wish I could just leave him and forget he ever existed wipe away any emotion or feeling I have towards him. I'm so scared to leave because I don't want to feel the pain and go through the grieving process. I have emotional receptor issues so when I feel sad for instance it consumes my whole body and it's so debilitating on times. I can't take my usual medication during pregnancy. I guess at advice would be welcome sorry it's so long and all over the place, it mirrors how all over he place my head is at the moment. Also want to note that I have zero family and his are mostly narcissistic types and all self loving and self centred, every one should love us and fear us and want to be us types of families! Thanks in advance

“Leave. It's not fair on your unborn baby to have a compulsive liar, awful druggie and alcoholic father who has no respect for its mum.

What about your current kids? Do they see the way he treats you? Because they will grow up thinking it's acceptable to treat people the way you are treated and guess what, it isn't.

He lies to you, calls you names, doesn't have any respect for your feelings, can't have an adult discussion and has drink and drug problems.

Your children surely deserve to be kept away from that kind of behaviour. If you won't leave for you then you need to put your children's needs first.”

This with bells on, OP. What have you been thinking allowing a man like this into your DCs’ lives? It’s so damaging to them to have a man in their mother’s life who’s treating her badly. Doesn’t matter how dishy or amazing in bed he is (and I’m guessing he’s a selfish git in bed). What did you learn about relationships growing up that has caused you to tolerate this? Far better to be single than badly accompanied.

You need to prioritise your existing children and leave this abusive man. If it were me I would absolutely terminate for the sake of my children, regardless of my own feelings but if you absolutely won’t, the best you can do is get your own kids as far away as possible. Start taking some responsibility for their well-being, he will never change.

Why do you think you love him?

You surely can't love him? You might be used to him but seriously?

Your kids deserve better than having this druggie forced in to their lives. The new pregnancy deserves a better father. You deserve better.

Why do women put up with such low life's and say "but I love him".

Jesus, for thr sake of your children you need to leave. I also respect that it is your choice but honestly, you already have 2 kids who have had 3 years of his shit. You don't need to disrupt their lives further by bringing a baby into it, nor do you want him tied to you or, God forbid, him pushing for contact away from you. The courts will favour a relationship with him and then where will that poor baby be? Have the termination, leave him and then seek counselling to understand why your self-esteem is so low you've been prioritising a drug addict over your children for 3 years and are continuing to do so.

Sorry you are going through this, he sounds awful. No one should be advising you abort a wanted pregnancy. Though perhaps you should see your GP for some advice at this difficult time.

He sounds like he may progress to physical violence, he’s already emotionally abusive. He’s not going to change, your wasting your time and using you for free board and lodge. Being nice to you sometimes is enough to keep you around isn’t it? then he reverts back to his true self. You are worth so much more than this, so are your children. He will let them down time after time. I know you love him but he doesn’t love you, he’s not respectful or caring. It’ll hurt but you will get over it and eventually meet someone else if that’s what you want. You deserve to be happy and loved, life is too short to deal with this crap!

You might love him but he doesn't love you. He's an abusive, cruel and an addict!

Your children should not be around this man. He is a terrible role model and will damage them irreparably. Get away from him now for their sake. Frankly in your shoes I would have a termination to get this fuck wit out of your life for good. No child deserves such a father. Get the notion that everything happens for a reason. It really really doesn't. Things just happen full stop.

He's an addict.

Do your children see his awful behaviour? You need to put them and yourself first.

'Fat friend' wow. If my DP ever spoke about a woman or anyone that watched be out.

Get rid of him.

Way he would be out*

Re your title - he is not "acting up". This is who he is. He won't change. Up to you if you want the baby, but it would be awful to have to let a child have contact with him.

He's always had his issues with drink and drugs. It's not every day or even every week but for the most part of our relationship his bad habits have caused us problems. He is a compulsive liar, extremely self centred as seems to change his priorities and personality faster than the seasons

What a horrible person to bring into your DC lives never mind having a baby with

Put you and your kids first. Please leave him. He’s awful. You’ll basically be doing it alone anyway just as him as a 4th child. Do yourself a favour and just leave him.

You say you love him and don't want to lose him, you don't have him to begin with.

He clearly has no respect for you and will continue to do his own thing without a thought how it makes you feel. Put yourself first grow a pair and tell him to leave. This is also a very bad example you're setting for your girls., do you want them to think this is how a normal relationship is?

I'm fairly sure Social Services would take a dim view of you prioritising that scumbag over your children's wellbeing.

What a mess, prioritise your existing children ffs and get this man out of your life.
How will the two of you even support this unborn child?

How pregnant are you?

You say you don’t want to lose him. What exactly do you think you’ll be losing?

Do you rely on him financially?

Is your kids dad in the picture?

Is it your house? If so dump his stuff outside. If you have this baby you will be permanently linked to this awful man. How fair is it to bring a baby into the world who is unlikely to ever have a decent father? And as for your poor daughters who’ve spent so many formative years observing this...

Why are mn threads full of baby termination as the solution to a break up? It’s seemingly the first suggestion on a few posts I’ve seen ( even as late as 12 weeks pregnant)
The op has already said not an option and still someone posts it again after. It should be a last option in my mind and I’ve not seen any op give it any thought.
Hopefully, being a single mum and keeping a baby is manageable and the op has managed this with her two other kids.
I’m sure most of us can survive with kids and don’t need to terminate them if our dps are a waste of space like this guy. Yes, it may mean a lifelong connection, but with this type of guy, it’s unlikely he’ll stick around anyway (as op is also suggesting).

Jesus Christ OP. Don't give this any more thought. Get the hell out of there and fast!

Why in God's name are you trying to reason with this idiot? He sounds awful and you really need to raise your standards.

Btw Op please do not rely on him being uninterested in his child once it’s born. Nasty controlling men hit the jackpot when their victims have their child because they know it gives them access to that victim for life. He could make the next 18 years extremely painful for you, your existing DC and your future baby. And any future partners you have. That’s a lot of lives to choose to fuck up.

Put your kids first and kick him out .
Drugs , drinker , Off he trots !

So you'd rather not compromise on this, have the baby then be tied to this colossal arsehole for the next 18 years? Good luck. You'll need it.

Think long and hard about your current kids and what's in their best interests. I can guarantee it isn't staying with having a child to this waste of space.

Oh and SS will likely become involved too if you stay involved with him. And I include separating but keeping his baby in that.

Ohh God get him gone! Stop being selfish and think about the kids!
And just keep away from men if you have such issues!
I couldn't imagine not putting my kids first I don't understand women who don't
Maybe you need some professional/mental help

You are teaching your children what is 'normal' and what they can expect from an adult relationship. Don't tell me that they don't see it/are too young to take things on board etc. They will also be aware of impact on you.
This is such a sad, unnecessary situation that I hope you can reflect and see that.