Pregnant and boyfriend is acting up

[mumb3]

I'm a mum of two with a previous partner, and 8 weeks pregnant with 3rd with my partner of three years. He's always had his issues with drink and drugs. It's not every day or even every week but for the most part of our relationship his bad habits have caused us problems. He is a compulsive liar, extremely self centred as seems to change his priorities and personality faster than the seasons. We have had amazing times where he shows me loads of interest and priorities me and the family and is adamant he wants to settle then he can change at the click of a finger and be off somewhere lying to me drinking with his mates and not care how his actions may upset me. Anyway tonight he went to his brothers to play darts. He told me he'd be back by 8:30 latest and to makes sure if I had my as he put it "fat friend" over to make sure she was gone before that time so he could chill. Anyway I didn't invite her over as by time my girls were in bed it wouldn't be worth her time coming over. Come 9pm he wasn't gone no text or anything so I rang his brothers partner whom I'm close with to put him on. I asked his intentions as I'm tired and want to go to bed and lock up an as I've not been sleeping well I don't want to b woken up to let him in (he's lost his key in he last day or so and hasn't bothered to get another cut). He cut me off trying to talk to him and said I'm playing darts and put the phone down on me. Anyway about 10:15 he rang asking if door open and got moody when I said well it was at half 8 but now you've woken me up so I'll have to. When he came in I tried to speak to him and raise my concerns about his behaviour and consideration of my feelings and he just kept saying can't be ar*ed to speak. And kept rolling his eyes like I was out of order. There's been several incidents like this in the last few weeks, this by comparison was mild one time he didn't come home or answer at all and I didn't know where he was and he then rang at 9am the next day for a lift home from his friends and got nasty when I said absolutely not! Also this week we had arranged to go carp fishing together something I paid all the money for the equipment for and I enjoy. I planned the trip and we invited his friend and brother who we have been with a few times before But yesterday he turned round and said I've changed my mind I don't want to go with you now We've invited my other friend and proceeded to call me pathetic and jelous and controlling when I got upset over it. Anyway back to tonight, so he got annoyed at me trying to talk to I'm got dressed again and went to leave, i asked to talk first and expressed how anxious I am and he just kept saying get the keys now or your locking me in over and over and it drove me insane. I got the keys unlocked the door and he went to a neighbours flat (bloke) to carry on drinkinG and hasn't answered since. I'm so scared to be having his child. I love him, I don't want to loose him and see him move on and not care but at the same time I wish I could just leave him and forget he ever existed wipe away any emotion or feeling I have towards him. I'm so scared to leave because I don't want to feel the pain and go through the grieving process. I have emotional receptor issues so when I feel sad for instance it consumes my whole body and it's so debilitating on times. I can't take my usual medication during pregnancy. I guess at advice would be welcome sorry it's so long and all over the place, it mirrors how all over he place my head is at the moment. Also want to note that I have zero family and his are mostly narcissistic types and all self loving and self centred, every one should love us and fear us and want to be us types of families! Thanks in advance

I’m also interested in this claim that everything happens for a reason. Presumably you were using contraception for a reason, so you wouldn’t get pregnant with this utter loser. I’d see it as a sign that your contraception wasn’t up to scratch or wasn’t used properly, not as a sign from a higher power...

Stop inflicting this shit head on your kids

Leave. Why is a termination out of the question? You’ll be tied to this ‘man’ for the rest of your life otherwise if you go through with this pregnancy- and a single parent to 3 children. Will you have the means to provide for 3 children? What plans have you got in place job/career wise? This ‘man’ doesn’t care, or have any respect for you or anyone else in your life. You AND your children deserve better.

The termination advice is because in this case the OP has two children already that are clearly not her priority.

Scummy men are her priority.

So bringing another child into a situation where she clearly doesn't prioritise the children she has, isn't a good idea.

In fact it's incredibly selfish.

The OP's post is all about herself and not about her two innocent children who have to put up with her drinking, drug taking, compulsive liar of a boyfriend.🙄

These children never have a chance, growing up neglected, ignored, and damaged.

All because waster boyfriends were always their mothers priority rather than them.

So yes, a termination is a better option than adding another poor casualty of a child to the mix.

OP you need to wake up.

You don’t love him. What is there to love?
He is horrible to you and a terrible TERRIBLE influence to have around your kids.

At best he is a deeply flawed selfish prick and at worst he has the ability to turn into a full on domestic abuser.
Do you want to be knocked around? Do you want to bring your children up in an environment where their step dad hits them and their mum?

End the relationship, have the baby If that’s what you want but don’t put him on the birth certificate for gods sake.

You do realise that you are CHOOSING this life right? No one can make you do anything you don’t want to. You can choose to end it, heal and move on to a much happier life.

You don’t love him and he doesn’t love you. This is an absolute shit show and you need to put your children before any ridiculous notion of making this “relationship” work.

@billy1966

The termination advice is because in this case the OP has two children already that are clearly not her priority.

Scummy men are her priority.

So bringing another child into a situation where she clearly doesn't prioritise the children she has, isn't a good idea.

In fact it's incredibly selfish.

The OP's post is all about herself and not about her two innocent children who have to put up with her drinking, drug taking, compulsive liar of a boyfriend.🙄

These children never have a chance, growing up neglected, ignored, and damaged.

All because waster boyfriends were always their mothers priority rather than them.

So yes, a termination is a better option than adding another poor casualty of a child to the mix.

It would be better if kids like this could be adopted into healthy families, it’s not the kids fault, the ones that are here or the one to come. I find it hard to get my head around the termination of a healthy baby. I don’t understand why women tolerate wasters, especially when they have children. I don’t understand those who have kids with multiple men after 5 mins of knowing them. Sort yourselves out ! There are people I know desperate for a child who would be wonderful parents and put them first 💔

Good grief op. This man is already bringing you such heartache. Why would you even consider staying with him? He sounds like a reckless teenager.

When you were diagnosed with emotional receptor issues were you offering counselling as an alternative to medication?

As awful as he is, I get it will hurt to split up. However, in time this will stop. No break up is painful for ever.
If you stay though, the hurt will happen over and over again.
You're hurting now, and worried and anxious as well. You're probably constantly worried and anxious, waiting for the next time he does something that hurts you, out of the blue, no warning.
If you leave, it's like bringing it on rather than waiting for it. Like ripping a plaster off.
You control it, you get it over with, and then you can move on.

I suspect you know what people on here were going to say and it’s awful but it’s true.

If you decide to proceed with your pregnancy you should do it alone and stay alone for such time you can actually say you’re happy and fulfilled as a mother of 3 without a man in your life because you need to learn to love & like yourself so you will never be treated badly by a man like him again. But it’ll not be easy he doesn’t sound like a nice person or someone I’d want round my children. You have to decide who is more important him or your kids including the unborn one?...because right now you’re not prioritising your kids. It’s so hard to be alone, but I’d rather make sure my kids were ok than chase a man who isn’t really interested in me mad causes my family harm.

Do what’s right op, you know what that is. It’s just doing it that’ll be tough to begin with.
Give your babies the life they deserve

@SleepySundays Honestly.

@MyGorramShip yeah honestly - I advocate fostering a child as opposed to termination, which is the go to advice on here, because honestly life is precious and honestly people who put their kids through crap and make constant poor choices should get their contraception sorted or give these poor kids to a loving family. That’s my honest opinion

Have a termination and try and enjoy your life.

@UhtredRagnarson

Honest advice? Have a termination and get as far away from him as possible.

Next best thing: keep the pregnancy and get as far away from him as possible- but you’ll always have to tolerate him in your life.

I second this.

Having a child with a person like this will be never ending drama, stress.and hostility.

He has shown where his priorities lie, he wont change. If you have a baby to him, you'll just put up with it even more cos you wont want to be single man with 3 kids so you'll be a doormat, he will know this and his behaviour will get more erratic.

I'd rather be a single man of 2 kids then a single man of 3 with this arsehole tied to me forever.

@AnneLovesGilbert

I’m also interested in this claim that everything happens for a reason. Presumably you were using contraception for a reason, so you wouldn’t get pregnant with this utter loser. I’d see it as a sign that your contraception wasn’t up to scratch or wasn’t used properly, not as a sign from a higher power...

This 100%.

Your contraception failed..if you wanted a kid with this abusive tosser, you wouldn't have been to prevent it.

He's a drug user and a heavy drinker. Whatever he is to you, he is that first.

Do you really want your children being brought up with that kind of man in their life??

Do the right thing for your children and get rid of him. The fo the right thing for you and ho to counselling and discover the reason why you let someone so toxic in your life.

@SelkieBoru

Have a termination and try and enjoy your life.

100% this too.

You'll be sad to have a termination for a few months. It will save you 18 years of utter heart ache, stress, abuse. Why you want to have your children around this guy, is pretty alarming in itself.

I would terminate the pregnancy or you will have to keep contact with this loser. You have two children already - put them first. I’m sure there will be other opportunities to have another baby with a decent guy in the future.

'He always had issues with drink and drugs' - I didn't get past that tbh... you knew this and still chose to have him around your children. Get rid of him you children deserve better.

Another one saying have an abortion. It’s irresponsible to the children you already have to have this baby with this man. Saying it is out of the question is a cop out.

Oh my goodness. Re-read your post and ask yourself why on earth you think you don’t deserve more than this selfish man? If you’re not married I’d be getting me and baby as far away as poss!

The termination advice is because in this case the OP has two children already that are clearly not her priority.

Scummy men are her priority.

So bringing another child into a situation where she clearly doesn't prioritise the children she has, isn't a good idea.

In fact it's incredibly selfish.

The OP's post is all about herself and not about her two innocent children who have to put up with her drinking, drug taking, compulsive liar of a boyfriend.🙄

These children never have a chance, growing up neglected, ignored, and damaged.

All because waster boyfriends were always their mothers priority rather than them.

So yes, a termination is a better option than adding another poor casualty of a child to the mix.

I never ever would have been brave enough to say the above but i agree with every word of it.

@billy1966

The termination advice is because in this case the OP has two children already that are clearly not her priority.

Scummy men are her priority.

So bringing another child into a situation where she clearly doesn't prioritise the children she has, isn't a good idea.

In fact it's incredibly selfish.

The OP's post is all about herself and not about her two innocent children who have to put up with her drinking, drug taking, compulsive liar of a boyfriend.🙄

These children never have a chance, growing up neglected, ignored, and damaged.

All because waster boyfriends were always their mothers priority rather than them.

So yes, a termination is a better option than adding another poor casualty of a child to the mix.

Agree.

She's just said she definitley doesn't want a termination yet you all keep banging on about it. Why are you trying to change her mind when she's expressly said she doesn't want to? It's her body and her choice. Some people simply don't want to terminate whether you lot like it or not. The judgemental 'why didn't you use contraception' replies piss me off too.

OP you absolutely need to get rid of this wanker, but don't be bullied into a termination by strangers on the Internet.

You do owe it to your children and yourself to leave this waste of space and live a better life - try to find someone who can support you through this. It will be difficult at first but you will never , ever look back.

Ffs. Every day there’s threads like this. Are some women really so desperate for cock they’ll drag any useless waster into their kids lives