Cut off :(

[mynamesjefff]

I have been dating a man for a couple of months now and things were going really well. We’ve been on several dates and I felt I could really laugh with this man, there’s no awkwardness and we always have a good time. He sends really lovely texts in the mornings and has recently been saying things like how he’s excited for us to do things when places open again, and how he feels really happy. I’ve felt really comfortable and happy with the pace and I do believe he is really into me. From the beginning, we have both been clear we both want a relationship, and I’ve been developing feelings.

Last week, I met a few of his friends for a socially distant picnic. He was saying about how excited he is to introduce me to them as he thinks I would fit in perfectly. And I had a really nice time!
We had plans to meet yesterday and he texted me in the morning saying he couldn’t wait to see me 🥰

We met up and I instantly knew he was completely different. He seemed very quiet, down and a bit funny with me. But we went on our walk and to grab a bite to eat and I had a nice time with him. He was being off but was still holding my hand, giving me hugs etc. I excitedly gave him some ideas of what we could do on the weekend and he agreed to them all. We also went to the shop to buy some drinks for the evening.

Later in the day, I ask if everything is okay as he was being really unresponsive. He says “yes, absolutely, nothing at all”. Then, out of nowhere he comes out with “I’m not ready for anything”. Of course I was shocked and reacted to this, saying he was acting like he was ready, said all these things to me and has basically gone from 100 to 0.
He said he isn’t over his ex and me being at the picnic just made him think of her doing all those things, and he isn’t ready for anyone to fill that gap - he was adamant it was nothing to do with me.
He seemed so unsure about things and it was all so sudden, he said some contradictory things, and said his “head was f**ked” and he seemed very anxious:

• He let me go to the shop and buy food for the evening, and excitedly plan the weekend, when apparently he knew all day that this all wasn’t going to happen, but “didn’t want to upset me”. But he only told me when I asked if he was okay. He said he “wanted to take the day to think/see”. Now I feel like if I didn’t ask, things might be okay? ☹️ He said me asking made him realise I wasn’t happy with how he was being, and that this wasn’t good to continue.
  
• He said at first he was really unsure and maybe we can still FaceTime tonight. He then decided suddenly that he 100% does not want to speak to anyone - never wants to speak to me or hear from me again.
  
• He texted me that same morning saying he couldn’t wait to see me and was so enthusiastic.
  
• He said everything about me is perfect for him and he couldn’t have found a better match for him, but he wants to cut me off.
  

This has been so hard for me to hear and the biggest shock, especially as it seemed to be him pushing towards a relationship and, a matter of days ago, telling me he’d never been so happy, he sees me in his future and he can’t wait to get to know me even better.
He was very teary as I left and said he was disappointed in himself but knows he needs time for himself. He seemed so unsure about everything he was saying but we said goodbye and now I am devastated.

I’m very teary this morning as it feels so weird going from so much to never hearing from someone again and I’m finding it hard to adjust to him not calling or texting this morning. What do people make of this and what do I do? ☹️

[Lovelydiscusfish]

@BashfulClam

I dunno why I keep thinking about him this last few weeks. It’s been making me feel sad ffs it was 17 years ago!

@BashfulClam I think it’s because he’s your one that got away. I think most of us have one. Most people I have spoken to about this over the years can relate.

And because we never got to know their flaws and annoying bits, they still remain this shining example of perfection in our imagination…..

He wasn’t really as great as he seemed tho. Nobody is that great. Try and remind yourself of this when it gets you down…..

[Lovelydiscusfish]

I had a lad at university - we were on off for a (fairly short) while but never even properly dating. I have him as a friend on Facebook, tho we haven’t spoken in well over a decade! But when he (very occasionally) likes or even comments on something I post, I still get a little flutter. Always have, probably always will, whatever my relationship status at the time and even when I am totally loved up about a fella I have in real life!

He’s not even that attractive. And objectively I know he was a bit of a dick. But, but, but……

[BashfulClam]

@Lovelydiscusfish aw I know it just the last few weeks he’s permanently on my mind despite the fact I have a lovely dh. I think I mourn the short thing we had as it was lovely until that last day and i can’t get that back as it’s gone. I’m so annoyed by it as we had a great connection and I miss the conversations that we might have had.

[bangheadhere40]

I have a one that got away 😔

I just loved the man but he never loved me so I have to try and move on rather than think what 'could have been'. I can't force him to like me anymore. Sad.

[bangheadhere40]

He's on my mind everyday too

[mynamesjefff]

Well.. I went to go unfollow/hide him and he’s now blocked me on everything including WhatsApp 🙃 it’s strange that he’s done this after 10 weeks no contact and me literally not bothering him once.

It’s weird how upset I feel, I think just because now I know it’s definitely over, and also because things ended so nicely and now I feel like it’s been tarnished/like there’s a bitter side to it.

Wish I had blocked him earlier but oh well ☹️ Onwards and upwards I guess!

[Lovelydiscusfish]

@mynamesjefff that’s tough - but try and stay positive if you can. Be proud of yourself - 10 weeks of resisting the urge to contact him is awesome! You sound like such a lovely person - I’m sure you will find someone even better than this guy, who will worship the bones of you.

Are you chatting to anyone else at the moment? Any irons in the fire? I know it’s not conventional advice, but I have always lived by the maxim that the best way to get over a man is to get under another….. If you feel ready of course…..

Even if you don’t want anything serious right now, a little flirting and distraction might help…..

[mynamesjefff]

Awww that’s so lovely @Lovelydiscusfish thank you 🥰 seems hard to believe right now but I hope there is someone out there for me!
I’ve been on a few dates and things and been chatting to a few guys, definitely not ready for something serious yet though!

[OrchestraOfWankery]

Ah, I know this game, jeff. He waited for you to beg him back, so he could continue his drama. He watched you getting on with your life - and not contacting him at all, let alone begging and pleading.....

So he's 'punished' you for not playing his game - by blocking you everywhere!

You're honestly well rid, although you may not think so now.

[OrchestraOfWankery]

And don't block him back.....you haven't even noticed he blocked you.....

[mynamesjefff]

Urgh that’s so annoying, literally the reason I didn’t beg him back/gave him space was because he asked for it and I wanted to respect him and not annoy him 😂😭 seems I was never going to win either way!
Hahah yeah I definitely won’t give him the satisfaction of him thinking I’ve noticed even though I absolutely have 😂
Maybe I am definitely better off. Screams immaturity...

[Etceteraaah]

@OrchestraOfWankery

Ah, I know this game, jeff. He waited for you to beg him back, so he could continue his drama. He watched you getting on with your life - and not contacting him at all, let alone begging and pleading.....

So he's 'punished' you for not playing his game - by blocking you everywhere!

You're honestly well rid, although you may not think so now.

This exactly. You've not begged for him back and have dented his ego, so he's trying to punish you by blocking you. How pathetic. You're so much better than this, OP. Onwards and upwards!!!

[mynamesjefff]

Pfft, and there was me only not making contact purely to respect him and let him heal (I so badly wanted to!). Literally punishing me for being nice, urgh, definitely onwards and upwards!

[ALittleBitConfused1]

I usually block remove and delete if something doesn't work out, it feels like a cleaner break. Alternatively maybe he is back with his ex or he was telling the truth about why he cut things off so suddenly and having you on S/M W/A etc was unsettling him. Whatever it was it's a positive. It's cleaner and you can now be absolutely sure it was the right thing not to contact him again, it's like ripping the plaster off.
While the hope of something restarting is nice it does stop you moving on. Now you can see things for what they are and concentrate on onwards and upwards.just remember 6 months ago you didn't know this guy existed, in 6 months time he will be a very distant memory.

[SVRT19674]

@BashfulClam I agree with another PP that he is the one that got away. Something like that happened to me and it was July 1992! and it still irks me. If I think about it I´m either sad or pissed off. Going from 100 to 0 it felt like a slap on the face and I thought I had forgotten it when wham, the memory came back some years ago. A psichologist friend of mine tells me that when it happened it was shocking to me and got filed in the right hemisphere of my brain, the side of feeling. That´s why I get this oppression on my chest when i relieve the moment in my mind. She suggested a cognitive therapy exercise to refile it on my left hemisphere, the side of logic. I have done this with other memories and it has worked so i think I will give it a try and see if I can get rid of this one.

[BashfulClam]

@SVRT19674 I might need to look into
It. It’s haunting me the last few days. Euro 2004 was played just after it happened so there were several pub trips with work as everyone wanted to see the games and it was really, really hard at the time. I get a lump in my throat and feel like crying as I honestly would have settled down and spent my life with him. I felt we had so much more to do together. He dumped me on my birthday…he said ‘I was totally head over heels for you but it’s like a switch has gone off!’ I was devastated and young and didn’t handle it the best to ge honest, lost my dignity a bit. I luckily had some really good workmates who were lovely, one said ‘bashful has a lovely heart and is beautiful and well you’re just a jumped up wee man! You were definitely 20 leagues below her!’

[mynamesjefff]

Seems his ex has also blocked me.. I think they might be back together ☹️ Seeing as she cheated on him and he used to say how unsupportive she was and how I was a breath of fresh air compared to her, then it’s his loss I guess.... I mean good luck to em 😂

[JustACosmicGirl]

@mynamesjefff

Pfft, and there was me only not making contact purely to respect him and let him heal (I so badly wanted to!). Literally punishing me for being nice, urgh, definitely onwards and upwards!

He said he didn't want to hear from or see you again, nothing in that says he just wants space to heal. He never lead you on and never made any promises of coming back to you. After all this time without contact you still seem to think he just wanted some space rather than end things. If you had contacted him he would probably have ignored you.
The fact he has deleted you from everything probably means he has a new girlfriend and wants to make sure you done turn up to cause problems.

[mynamesjefff]

Having a wobble today ☹️ I stupidly miss him and am tempted to make contact (even though I absolutely will not). I’m just worried that because I went 10 weeks NC he thinks I hate him/am not at all interested and that hurt him and that’s why he blocked me.. when it couldn’t be less true, maybe he doesn’t know ☹️
I’m probably being very stupid...

[BashfulClam]

Stay by strong I know how you feel. I did the trick off ‘accidentally’ texting him, you know as he had the same name as a friend. Oh I sat and composed it carefully, he ignored me. I know he still had the same number.

[mynamesjefff]

Aww bless you, it’s so easy to do in the heat of the moment isn’t it.
I can’t sleep, I’ve genuinely just woke up from such a vivid dream about him blocking / me messaging him.. I’m so embarrassed about how badly I’ve taken this

[BashfulClam]

I get that I have dreams about it still 17 years later and I keep fixating on it. I told my DH last night that he’ll leave me ‘like everyone else’ last night after some drinks and cried. I have an amazing DH so why that short, hairy little toad is on my mind I have no idea.

[mynamesjefff]

Hope you’re ok @BashfulClam ❤️

He finally unfollowed me on the last platform he had me on, although it’s the only one he hasn’t blocked me on weirdly...

Finding it so hard to not ask him what I did wrong 😭 as it ended so nicely

[BashfulClam]

@mynamesjefffyoubdif nothing wrong and I bet you won’t get any answers that’s why it hurt me. He jumped on the wrong train the first night we met just to keep talking to me, told me everyday how lucky he felt that he loved talking to me, told me he really liked me, treated me brilliantly said he loved when I came to work with my bigger bag as it meant I was going to stay with him. He says he’d bored his friend rigid in the ounce just talking about mile. Then he said the L word and I let down my walls which I never do. 3 days later he dumped me the day after my birthday..hah he had the good grace not to do it on the actual day but he had started being weird and distant. I begged for a reason and all he said was ‘I was head over heels but I think something is wrong with me as it was like a switch going off!’ I’d rather have a reason but it never came and he just ignored me. I was really ill at work once and he did ask me if I was ok I remember being bitter and saying ‘why the hell would you care? Oh that’s right seeing me in pain is fun isn’t it!’ He kissed me when we were drunk which gave me false hope…it hurts but you’ll never actually know.

I think my DH was just shocked as I don’t usually act like that but I just cried and said ‘you’ll realise I’m rubbish and leave me…just like everyone else!’ He just told me not to be daft which made me cry more.

[mynamesjefff]

Would I be really dumb to ask him why he blocked me?
I’m not blocked on only one platform (just unfollowed). He ended things calling me an absolute angel and he hated hurting me.

He never actually asked for no contact though (actually suggested a FaceTime when we got home on the day he ended things) - I just thought he needed space and time and it might help us both. So maybe he took my 10 weeks no contact as me being horrible/bitter and that I have no interest (couldn’t be less true) as tbf i would probably think that too. Maybe it’s a misunderstanding?