Cut off :(

[mynamesjefff]

I have been dating a man for a couple of months now and things were going really well. We’ve been on several dates and I felt I could really laugh with this man, there’s no awkwardness and we always have a good time. He sends really lovely texts in the mornings and has recently been saying things like how he’s excited for us to do things when places open again, and how he feels really happy. I’ve felt really comfortable and happy with the pace and I do believe he is really into me. From the beginning, we have both been clear we both want a relationship, and I’ve been developing feelings.

Last week, I met a few of his friends for a socially distant picnic. He was saying about how excited he is to introduce me to them as he thinks I would fit in perfectly. And I had a really nice time!
We had plans to meet yesterday and he texted me in the morning saying he couldn’t wait to see me 🥰

We met up and I instantly knew he was completely different. He seemed very quiet, down and a bit funny with me. But we went on our walk and to grab a bite to eat and I had a nice time with him. He was being off but was still holding my hand, giving me hugs etc. I excitedly gave him some ideas of what we could do on the weekend and he agreed to them all. We also went to the shop to buy some drinks for the evening.

Later in the day, I ask if everything is okay as he was being really unresponsive. He says “yes, absolutely, nothing at all”. Then, out of nowhere he comes out with “I’m not ready for anything”. Of course I was shocked and reacted to this, saying he was acting like he was ready, said all these things to me and has basically gone from 100 to 0.
He said he isn’t over his ex and me being at the picnic just made him think of her doing all those things, and he isn’t ready for anyone to fill that gap - he was adamant it was nothing to do with me.
He seemed so unsure about things and it was all so sudden, he said some contradictory things, and said his “head was f**ked” and he seemed very anxious:

• He let me go to the shop and buy food for the evening, and excitedly plan the weekend, when apparently he knew all day that this all wasn’t going to happen, but “didn’t want to upset me”. But he only told me when I asked if he was okay. He said he “wanted to take the day to think/see”. Now I feel like if I didn’t ask, things might be okay? ☹️ He said me asking made him realise I wasn’t happy with how he was being, and that this wasn’t good to continue.
  
• He said at first he was really unsure and maybe we can still FaceTime tonight. He then decided suddenly that he 100% does not want to speak to anyone - never wants to speak to me or hear from me again.
  
• He texted me that same morning saying he couldn’t wait to see me and was so enthusiastic.
  
• He said everything about me is perfect for him and he couldn’t have found a better match for him, but he wants to cut me off.
  

This has been so hard for me to hear and the biggest shock, especially as it seemed to be him pushing towards a relationship and, a matter of days ago, telling me he’d never been so happy, he sees me in his future and he can’t wait to get to know me even better.
He was very teary as I left and said he was disappointed in himself but knows he needs time for himself. He seemed so unsure about everything he was saying but we said goodbye and now I am devastated.

I’m very teary this morning as it feels so weird going from so much to never hearing from someone again and I’m finding it hard to adjust to him not calling or texting this morning. What do people make of this and what do I do? ☹️

[pearl19]

@BloodyGoodRep this was literally identical to my situation so thanks for posting! It literally came out of nowhere and the same as you - he had just split up with his ex a few months before we started speaking, in the back of my mind I always had a feeling he wasn’t properly over her😔 it’s been 2 weeks for me now and I’m just now starting to take care of myself again, eating proper meals and back to the gym which definitely helps. I still sometimes wake up during the night with crippling thoughts and sadness but normally once I wake in the morning I feel better. Even though it was only a few months we spent so much time together as I normally only saw him at weekends, so we’d spend like 3+ days together. Doesn’t matter the length of time, feelings are valid regardless xx

[mmollymeekinss]

You deserve better OP⭐️

Stay strong I have been in your position they are not worth your time!

I was head over heels for my chap met his family the whole nine yards and then 24 hours later dropped the bomb after a few weeks went by he came crawling back by that point I valued my self worth more and realised he was not the one for me how can you say you love me and then next day say nothing at all?


You got this xxx

[mynamesjefff]

Awww thanks for all your replies - makes me feel slightly better that it’s not just me this has happened to. Sorry all of that happened to you all 😢 but glad to know it might get better! Thanks all for being lovely

It’s a really funny one - it’s been 3 weeks now and I still feel horrendous. I had a 4-year break-up that felt easier than this 😂 he literally had all my boxes ticked and had so much in common. I’ve been chatting to boys and even been on some dates and, as nice as they are, I’m just not interested cause they’re not him!!! Siiighhhhh

[seensome]

You will find the spark again with someone else, it's annoying having feelings you don't want to have but when you find another good connection all the feelings will fade away, keep dating and think this time next year he'll be a distant memory.

[mynamesjefff]

Just wanted to say thanks again for all your lovely replies.
Have managed to do 26 days no-contact, quite proud of myself 😂 but honestly I’m really down about the fact i’ve not heard a peep from him. I think about him more often than I like to admit!

[CirclesWithinCircles]

It will take you at least 3 months no contact not to feel like that, by my own experience. Now I do'n't care about him at all, and would go out of my way to avoid bumping into him.

[Shehasadiamondinthesky]

So much drama. i would just walk off I haven't got time for all that.

[pearl19]

I’ve also been 3 weeks and feel the same. Woke up today especially down as I had a dream about him. I know I will feel okay eventually I just wish I could fast forward time to then, I really do😟

[AnaViaSalamanca]

OP it sucks, but getting so attached after a couple of months of dating is symptomatic pf something else missing in your life. It really shouldn’t affect a person so much if they are in a good space. In a couple of months you would have only scratched the surface of getting to know him. Yes you might have been hoping for something beautiful to come out of it, but how much did you really know him? It looks like you only met his friends once.

Use this experience to do some soul searching and maybe see a therapist to get into a better place before dating the next person.

[AnaViaSalamanca]

BTW I am not trying to be harsh or dismiss your feelings, I know it feels terrible

[GLTM]

He's just not good enough for you. If he can muck you around and play with your feelings so intensely then he's not that nice after all and not good enough for you.

You feel sad now but in 5 years you might not even remember his name.

It's happened to me in the past. I'm now with someone wonderful and I don't remember the names of a previous guy I've dated despite remembering feeling sad at the time I couldn't give two hoots about them now.

[pearl19]

I hate when people say “you shouldn’t be so attached after a couple of months” that’s irrelevant. I was in a relationship for 3 years previous to this and this breakup was more hurtful after 5 months. It depends on how you click with the person and the dynamic of the relationship. I was way closer to the person in my 5 month one than my 3 year one. I know that’s the reason it’s effected me more so I’m just dealing with it, taking each day as it comes. Beating myself up for being too attached isn’t going to help anyone x

[mynamesjefff]

Hi everyone!
Just an update. It’s been 40ish days now, I’ve made no contact whatsoever. I’ve spent time in the gym, got a new job, even been on dates etc.

I’m no longer thinking about this guy 24/7 or obsessing over the situation. I do, however, still really miss him and do still consider reaching out to him at times. I know it’s probably hopeful thinking but at the time, when I was a bit annoyed, I did say I wouldn’t wait around etc and he can’t just drop me then make contact again. So maybe he wants to reach out but is hesitant to? I blocked all his content but he views my stories in like 3 minutes or less constantly....
🤷🏻‍♀️

[ALittleBitConfused1]

If he really wanted to reach out to you he would.
Just keep remembering he ended it for a reason I doubt much has changed in 40 days.
You've done the hard bit just keep on going.
In all honesty you knew a very small part of him, you're missing what you hoped it could be, what you wanted it to become. You can still have that but next time with someone who is ready to have it too.

[mynamesjefff]

Hey guysss, it’s been about 10 weeks now and there’s still been zero contact. I think it’s hit me that he most likely isn’t going to reach out at all now and it’s weirdly hit me like a truck this week 😢

It’s weird as I’ve never felt like this about anyone and im dying to reach out and I’m just so gutted that I’m not gonna be with the guy I really want to be with. I’ve been speaking to guys and going out on dates but they’re just not the same.

Any reassurance that this’ll get easier?🥲

[Lovelydiscusfish]

Only just seen your thread! I totally agree with earlier comments that break-ups from shorter relationships can often hurt more - I vividly remember a friend of mine had a whirlwind Tinder romance of about 3 weeks which broke up for ridiculous reasons I won’t go into here, and she said she was more upset by it than the demise of her ten year marriage previously!

But it’s worth remembering there’s a reason for this too. It takes a year or more to really show us a man. In the early months we have them on a pedestal, they are on their best behaviour, the sex is passionate and new, everything is marvellous. Over time the cracks ALWAYS start to show (even when they aren’t fatal ones).

I just thought it might help you to remember that in reality, there is no way this guy was as perfect as he seemed to be. Nobody is.

Meanwhile, keep going. Keep dating. You WIlL find that spark again. And congratulate yourself for how strong you have been - you are awesome!

[Umberellatheweatha]

I think you need to block the guy op so you don't keep sitting about waiting on contact.

It would be a bad sign if he did contact you because it would mean he thinks it's ok to drop ppl and reel them back and drop ppl and reel them back.

Time to put an end to it.

[bangheadhere40]

Also agree the shorter ones are the worst! I was more upset after a guy I'd been on a few dates with ended it than when my 4 year relationship ended.

You are doing really well...

[Honey83]

OP, having been in the exact same situation, you should block him and move on with your life.

There have been some really good points brought up by PP. Even if he did contact, he dropped you, told you he wanted to cut you off. How is anything recoverable after that?

He appeared to be perfect because that was his intention to make himself as appealing as possible to you and to throw himself fully into it.

After 10 weeks, it's doubtful he has any intention of reaching out. Don't break no contact because you won't hear what you want to hear. You've gone this long.

[5475878237NC]

I agree you need to block him totally to move on. I don't think he's a bad guy and it sometimes takes getting close to someone new to realise you're not over your last partner, and it sounds like he told you once he knew rather than string you along.

It is a really good thing he never contacted you again. It means you didn't get drawn into any drama about being a rebound.

[mynamesjefff]

Thanks everyone. Think I’m gonna block even though I have managed not to snoop and hid all his content!

It’s floored me how much this one has hurt - I’ve had a few break ups before and not one has hurt this much. It’s not even been in waves I literally miss him every single day :( I feel he’s perfect for me it’s just not his time sadly

[5475878237NC]

You'll be OK OP. Chin up. You've come this far.

[WatieKatie]

Just wanted to say well done for not contacting him OP. Onwards & upwards.

[BashfulClam]

I bbq sent through similar apart from it wasn’t about an ex, within a few weeks he was talking about our future and saying how head over heels he was for me and his friends were sick if hearing about me. He started to become distant over the course of 24 hours I had fallen for him by that point. I asked what was wrong and he said he didn’t see us having a future and he thought we should end things. I was devastated as I really fell for him. Ge says his feelings ‘just switched off’. He saidhe wanted a clean break but the kicker was we worked in the same office. That was hard seeing him everyday and on nights out, he even kissed me a few times when we were drinking which gave me false hope…I had to leave my job.

We are both married to other people now (from Facebook I learned he married someone within 9 months of meeting her). Strangely I have been thinking and morning that relationship a lot as he treated me amazingly until the end. I have to keep snapping away from what could have been. I am so angry that he didn’t let us get to know each other. A girl he didn’t even care for as much (it was a few years before I started at the workplace) he was with for almost a year…it was 17 years ago as I remember the Euros were on just after we broke up and I still feel angry at him! As a pp said I think he was avoidant and saw us becoming serious and he couldn’t do it. It does get easier but I totally feel your pain.

[BashfulClam]

I dunno why I keep thinking about him this last few weeks. It’s been making me feel sad ffs it was 17 years ago!