Cut off :(

[mynamesjefff]

I have been dating a man for a couple of months now and things were going really well. We’ve been on several dates and I felt I could really laugh with this man, there’s no awkwardness and we always have a good time. He sends really lovely texts in the mornings and has recently been saying things like how he’s excited for us to do things when places open again, and how he feels really happy. I’ve felt really comfortable and happy with the pace and I do believe he is really into me. From the beginning, we have both been clear we both want a relationship, and I’ve been developing feelings.

Last week, I met a few of his friends for a socially distant picnic. He was saying about how excited he is to introduce me to them as he thinks I would fit in perfectly. And I had a really nice time!
We had plans to meet yesterday and he texted me in the morning saying he couldn’t wait to see me 🥰

We met up and I instantly knew he was completely different. He seemed very quiet, down and a bit funny with me. But we went on our walk and to grab a bite to eat and I had a nice time with him. He was being off but was still holding my hand, giving me hugs etc. I excitedly gave him some ideas of what we could do on the weekend and he agreed to them all. We also went to the shop to buy some drinks for the evening.

Later in the day, I ask if everything is okay as he was being really unresponsive. He says “yes, absolutely, nothing at all”. Then, out of nowhere he comes out with “I’m not ready for anything”. Of course I was shocked and reacted to this, saying he was acting like he was ready, said all these things to me and has basically gone from 100 to 0.
He said he isn’t over his ex and me being at the picnic just made him think of her doing all those things, and he isn’t ready for anyone to fill that gap - he was adamant it was nothing to do with me.
He seemed so unsure about things and it was all so sudden, he said some contradictory things, and said his “head was f**ked” and he seemed very anxious:

• He let me go to the shop and buy food for the evening, and excitedly plan the weekend, when apparently he knew all day that this all wasn’t going to happen, but “didn’t want to upset me”. But he only told me when I asked if he was okay. He said he “wanted to take the day to think/see”. Now I feel like if I didn’t ask, things might be okay? ☹️ He said me asking made him realise I wasn’t happy with how he was being, and that this wasn’t good to continue.
  
• He said at first he was really unsure and maybe we can still FaceTime tonight. He then decided suddenly that he 100% does not want to speak to anyone - never wants to speak to me or hear from me again.
  
• He texted me that same morning saying he couldn’t wait to see me and was so enthusiastic.
  
• He said everything about me is perfect for him and he couldn’t have found a better match for him, but he wants to cut me off.
  

This has been so hard for me to hear and the biggest shock, especially as it seemed to be him pushing towards a relationship and, a matter of days ago, telling me he’d never been so happy, he sees me in his future and he can’t wait to get to know me even better.
He was very teary as I left and said he was disappointed in himself but knows he needs time for himself. He seemed so unsure about everything he was saying but we said goodbye and now I am devastated.

I’m very teary this morning as it feels so weird going from so much to never hearing from someone again and I’m finding it hard to adjust to him not calling or texting this morning. What do people make of this and what do I do? ☹️

[mynamesjefff]

Thanks everyone, struggling today 💛 I really did fall for this guy and I do believe everything he said was truly genuine, and we would make a really good match, but it’s just poor timing for him, which is a shame ☹️ He only came out of a very long, messy relationship a few months ago and I truly believe he needs the space.
Its just hard when he seemed so right for me and ticked all the boxes x

[mynamesjefff]

Hey guys I know this may sound pathetic but it’s been a weeek today and I’m really really struggling. Just want to talk to him 🥴

[FourTurnings]

He doesn’t know what he wants. I would advise you to find someone who does.

[Bopahula]

You've gone a week. If you go back and message, it puts you back at day 1, and you have to do it all again. It gets easier. Just keep getting through each day.

[mynamesjefff]

I know it’s bad but I’ve gone the week just hoping he would contact 😢 I know it’ll get easier with time but right now it feels like shite

[Bopahula]

It does. I get it. Can you block him? If you don't and he does message you will get sucked back in.

You're doing great. It's pants. But you're getting through it. Each day/hour gets a tiny bit easier.

[mynamesjefff]

I think I might, it may take the expectation away? Thank you @Bopahula that’s really encouraging to read 💛x

[Bopahula]

It gives you control. Rather than hoping he might contact you, you decide you're ok with not having him contact you. I know it might not feel like it. But how he's behaved is awful. If he did message. Then what? You start again? Great, but you'll always wonder if it's coming again. Or you just hash out stuff and never get closure.
You've done really well. Keep going!

[PriestessofPing]

You’ve done well to stick to the week. A good way to build on that would be to try and take this next week and move your focus from him and hoping he will get in touch to you and doing nice things for yourself. If you think blocking will help kickstart that then do that. It does suck but it gets easier and it gets easier quicker the more you focus on you and not him.

[mynamesjefff]

Definitely something for me to think about! Feels like a big step but probably would be good for me. Thank you @Bopahula and @PriestessofPing that’s really lovely

[BlueDahlia69]

Im so sorry OP. I think He has behaved rather poorly, instead of just being honest, as you say just telling you earlier in the day instead of letting buy all those things and make further plans.

I hope you're okay, its not easy.

[aurynne]

Jefff, the low moments are so low aren't they? In those moments you feel it will never get better, no one else will make you feel the same, etc etc. But you know, and we are here to remind you, that that's just your heart talking. The way you are feeling now won't be how you are feeling later. There will be moments when you're feeling better, and those moments will be more and more frequents.

I agree with the consensus: no contact is the absolute best option, regardless whether he decides to contact you back or not. It will show him you're a woman who does not tolerate to be messed about, and that you won't be chasing him begging for crumbs. Keep strong! And come back whenever you need us to give you some more strength. You deserve only a man who is besotted with you and cannot even see anyone else!

[mynamesjefff]

Thank you so much everyone. Its strange because I feel this hurts so much more than the end of any longer actual relationship I’ve been in! I suppose I was in the “honeymoon phase” and it’s gone from me being so excited about it all, to absolute radio silence. It’s been a week and a half now and he’s still all I can think about, but I know it’ll get easier. Anyone got any tips to help? I am distracting myself and meeting friends etc but I can’t get him off my mind!

[RantyAnty]

Can you get on some dating sites and just chat to some guys.
Might help take your mind off of him a little.

[lucky1212]

@mynamesjefff

Thank you so much everyone. Its strange because I feel this hurts so much more than the end of any longer actual relationship I’ve been in! I suppose I was in the “honeymoon phase” and it’s gone from me being so excited about it all, to absolute radio silence. It’s been a week and a half now and he’s still all I can think about, but I know it’ll get easier. Anyone got any tips to help? I am distracting myself and meeting friends etc but I can’t get him off my mind!

I'm going through the exact same situation but slightly longer we were together and out of the blue he ended it after making future plans etc. I'm feeling so lost and tearful all day, struggling to focus on anything else and badly want to speak to him. I know how you're feeling xx

[mynamesjefff]

Hey guys. It’s been 3 weeks tomorrow and there’s been zero contact. The weirdest thing is, I’ve kept so busy and yet he is still on my mind 24/7 and this is so much harder than I thought!

In my mind we had so much in common and he really seemed good for me, and I’m struggling not to make contact.

I know he hasn’t, and I want to give him the space he needs, and I’d rather make contact when he’s ready as there’s a better chance he’d respond positively......but also at the time I said I “can’t just sit and wait for him” after he suggested staying in contact... so maybe he feels he can’t pop up first?

I dunno. All I know is that I miss him a ridiculous amount

[mynamesjefff]

I even went on a date this week and, as nice as it was, i can’t get this guy off my mind and feel like it’s not done yet

[Badtasteflump]

Sorry to hear you're still feeling crap OP. I think for your own peace of mind you need to go cold turkey with this man - block him on your phone & on social media and actively 'train' yourself to stop thinking about him. Every time he pops into your head, do not allow your mind to wander into thinking about him - literally tell yourself 'no, I'm not thinking about this' and actively think about/do something else, every single time.

[mynamesjefff]

Thank you! ❤️ He actually is hidden on all SM so I’ve not seen any updates or anything so it has all been cold turkey... it’s not made things any easier ☹️

[itsalifetimesworkfella]

If he wanted to make contact or be with you, he would.

He doesn't though. He said he wanted no contact and he's happy with that.

The pain will subside. You will make a fool of yourself if you try and sort of contact.

Move on.

[LivBa]

Did you sleep with him already OP? If so, sounds like he got what he wanted unfortunately. It's incredibly easy for men to pretend they're super into you at the beginning of a relationship as they all know from movies and experience, what makes women tick.

If you haven't slept with him then it sounds like he was also dating someone else and decided to go with her or he could have even still be seeing his ex on a lowkey basis. I've found that a lot of dishonest guys use the "ex" story as a cover for when they go off with the other woman/women they've been dating.

Either way he doesn't deserve you and SO many women I've had your experience with these sorts of men

[Treetops73]

Hey OP, I’m sorry to hear you are still struggling. It’s tough. Keep doing the things you’re doing - seeing friends, casually dating and trying to distract yourself from thinking about him. I definitely think that blocking him on your phone, if you haven’t already, is a really good idea; it empowers you (which feels good!) and takes away the wondering whether he might contact you. And anyway, given that he hasn’t in the last 3 weeks, it’s fair to assume that he is happy with the situation and so isn’t going to.

I had a similar situation with someone ending the relationship at a point when it seemed so great and he was lovely to me right up until he did a 180 and ended it. Part of the difficulty of getting over it that I was swept up in the thoughts of the future we could’ve had (and that he had talked about). But it helped to remind myself that the future was a fantasy, and he couldn’t give that to me as he had shown himself to be flaky.

So try to let go of the fantasy and focus on the reality, that he wasn’t able to commit to being with you. Better to find that out now than in the future, when you are even more attached.

Time to focus on you 💐

[DivorcedAndDelighted]

@mynamesjefff

Hey guys. It’s been 3 weeks tomorrow and there’s been zero contact. The weirdest thing is, I’ve kept so busy and yet he is still on my mind 24/7 and this is so much harder than I thought!

In my mind we had so much in common and he really seemed good for me, and I’m struggling not to make contact.

I know he hasn’t, and I want to give him the space he needs, and I’d rather make contact when he’s ready as there’s a better chance he’d respond positively......but also at the time I said I “can’t just sit and wait for him” after he suggested staying in contact... so maybe he feels he can’t pop up first?

I dunno. All I know is that I miss him a ridiculous amount

If he wants you back, he'll pop up and you can make your decision. If he was that lukewarm that he hesitated to get back in touch then it's not really viable, is it?
I'm no relationship expert, but I wouldn't block him, personally - I'd just mute him as you have done. Because it's not like he's been a total dick, so IF he were to get back in touch you might want to talk to him. But keep on dating and giving other men a chance. At the least it will keep you busy and take your mind off him. He ticked all the boxes except the most important one, unfortunately - being able to appreciate you so much that he wouldn't let you go.

[Froggytog]

I wouldn't text him OP.If he wants you he'll find you.

I had a similar thing happen (worse cos he failed to tell me he was divorcing til I accidentally discovered).He said he "wasn't ready".Except he was ready-just not for me and I found out this months later when he texted me out of the blue to let me know I wasn't actually his type and hopefully someone would appreciate me.Then he nevertheless tried to reel me in again only to reject me again.Then I saw a pic of him in the local newspaper clearly in a relationship.Now in my case the guy was a total dick as borne out my his lies but I did like him while seeing him.

I was upset I spent so long thinking about him but so so glad I retained my dignity by not chasing him after the initial dumping.If you text and he rejects you you'll feel even worse.Mostly when they say they're confused or not ready they just aren't into you and can't be honest.If you contact him he might just play you and dump you again.

You'll find someone better xxx

[BloodyGoodRep]

Hey op, just wanted to say I’ve been in the exact same place as you. We were ‘together’ for 5 months, had the best time together, made plans for the future (meeting friends etc) and then one day I was going to his house and rang him to say I was on my way and did he want anything picking up. And out of nowhere he said that he couldn’t carry on, that he was really hurt by his ex and wasn’t prepared to go through that again if we ended and would rather put a stop to it now rather then risking getting hurt in the future. I was so shocked. I managed to hold it together on the call but as soon as I hung up I sobbed and didn’t stop for about 3 weeks . It was just the shock and like you I really liked him, felt a real connection and just didn’t suspect anything. I immediately blocked him on everything and deleted his number so that I wasn’t tempted in the slightest even though I always kind of wished he’d turn up at my door. In hindsight he’d had a bad break up the year before and the week before we split, he’d been to a christening where his ex would have attended so either he a) got back with her or b) seeing her and feeling the pain just scared him.

Anyway, I’m going on a bit but honestly it does get better, one day you’ll wake up and he won’t be the first person you think about. You will get through this you just have to ride the wave xx