Cut off :(

[mynamesjefff]

I have been dating a man for a couple of months now and things were going really well. We’ve been on several dates and I felt I could really laugh with this man, there’s no awkwardness and we always have a good time. He sends really lovely texts in the mornings and has recently been saying things like how he’s excited for us to do things when places open again, and how he feels really happy. I’ve felt really comfortable and happy with the pace and I do believe he is really into me. From the beginning, we have both been clear we both want a relationship, and I’ve been developing feelings.

Last week, I met a few of his friends for a socially distant picnic. He was saying about how excited he is to introduce me to them as he thinks I would fit in perfectly. And I had a really nice time!
We had plans to meet yesterday and he texted me in the morning saying he couldn’t wait to see me 🥰

We met up and I instantly knew he was completely different. He seemed very quiet, down and a bit funny with me. But we went on our walk and to grab a bite to eat and I had a nice time with him. He was being off but was still holding my hand, giving me hugs etc. I excitedly gave him some ideas of what we could do on the weekend and he agreed to them all. We also went to the shop to buy some drinks for the evening.

Later in the day, I ask if everything is okay as he was being really unresponsive. He says “yes, absolutely, nothing at all”. Then, out of nowhere he comes out with “I’m not ready for anything”. Of course I was shocked and reacted to this, saying he was acting like he was ready, said all these things to me and has basically gone from 100 to 0.
He said he isn’t over his ex and me being at the picnic just made him think of her doing all those things, and he isn’t ready for anyone to fill that gap - he was adamant it was nothing to do with me.
He seemed so unsure about things and it was all so sudden, he said some contradictory things, and said his “head was f**ked” and he seemed very anxious:

• He let me go to the shop and buy food for the evening, and excitedly plan the weekend, when apparently he knew all day that this all wasn’t going to happen, but “didn’t want to upset me”. But he only told me when I asked if he was okay. He said he “wanted to take the day to think/see”. Now I feel like if I didn’t ask, things might be okay? ☹️ He said me asking made him realise I wasn’t happy with how he was being, and that this wasn’t good to continue.
  
• He said at first he was really unsure and maybe we can still FaceTime tonight. He then decided suddenly that he 100% does not want to speak to anyone - never wants to speak to me or hear from me again.
  
• He texted me that same morning saying he couldn’t wait to see me and was so enthusiastic.
  
• He said everything about me is perfect for him and he couldn’t have found a better match for him, but he wants to cut me off.
  

This has been so hard for me to hear and the biggest shock, especially as it seemed to be him pushing towards a relationship and, a matter of days ago, telling me he’d never been so happy, he sees me in his future and he can’t wait to get to know me even better.
He was very teary as I left and said he was disappointed in himself but knows he needs time for himself. He seemed so unsure about everything he was saying but we said goodbye and now I am devastated.

I’m very teary this morning as it feels so weird going from so much to never hearing from someone again and I’m finding it hard to adjust to him not calling or texting this morning. What do people make of this and what do I do? ☹️

[RosaMoline]

Something practically identical happened to me!
Was completely loved bombed, wanted to make plans with me, see me all the time, meet his friends, I met his mum and brother very early on…
Turns out I was a rebound. He basically used me to make his ex jealous and it worked.
One morning he was calling and texting me, but the evening I’d been dumped (as she’d probably been in touch)
My guess is, that your man has actually gone back with the ex.
So sorry ❤️

[xsquared]

@mynamesjefff

He is officially blocked, ignored and out of my life forever 👋🏻 Thank you everyone! Definitely realised my worth and it’s much more than him 🌸

So pleased to hear this @mynamesjefff.

[pigeonpies]

@mynamesjefff well done! Now go and live your life!

[mynamesjefff]

He is officially blocked, ignored and out of my life forever 👋🏻 Thank you everyone! Definitely realised my worth and it’s much more than him 🌸

[Sakurami]

First op, super well done for going NC. You were left reeling because of the sudden turn around.

This man love bombed you and then dropped you. Then played stupid games and now wants to reel you back in. Whoever you thought he was, the guy you liked, that isn't the real thing.

I dated a man a few years ago. He completely love bombed me, saying ridiculous things like we were meant to be together, he wished I was the mother of his children (after only knowing me a few weeks). Then after a few months suddenly coming up with reasons why we couldn't see each other. At the time I told him that if he had changed his mind that it was no problem, we could be friends. He insisted that no, that wasn't the case and then a friend saw him on a dating site. Creepily he had changed his bio to describe basically my personality and not his.

I called him out and deleted all his messages and never contacted him again. He calls me every 6 months or so and looks at my linked in.

At the beginning I was upset but I moved on, dated other guys and just over a year ago started dating my amazing boyfriend. He loves me and leaves me in no doubt about it. don't waste another second thinking about that loser.

[pigeonpies]

This is going to come across as mean but I promise you it's not my intention.

You are becoming a little pathetic and this will only eat you up in the long run. If he wanted to speak to you, he would have and wouldn't let a 10 week silence stop him.

If he really wanted you he would tell you upfront. He's playing games as others have said. He knows you're waiting for him, he sees your weakness and he's exploiting it.

I HAVE BEEN THIS WOMAN! And I cringe when I think back to all the ways I tried to convince myself that this guy secretly did like me and that all I had to do was x y z to get him back.

You've done yourself no favours my keeping a line of communication open. You need to block and delete him from EVERYTHING! Don't respond. He doesn't want to be with you.

As long as you have him in your communication the longer you will have him in your mind. Accept it is over, accept he's not as perfect for you as you thought, shout at yourself every time this man pops in to your head.

It will get easier but only when all ties are cut

Realise your own worth and know you deserve so much more than this man is willing to give. Show up for yourself and nobody else. Be strong!

[AnaViaSalamanca]

What a pathetic attempt to reel you in. Do you have the strength to block him @mynamesjefff? If you just don’t reply he will up the game more and more until you do. Don’t put yourself in that position. Just block him and delete his contact info.

Don’t undo the healing that you have done so far.

[HollowTalk]

I wonder whether his story of his ex cheating was accurate or whether he was the cheat.

Either way I would ignore his message. If he thought you were using his card (how?) then he would act differently now.

[MsDogLady]

Jefff, he is fishing for ego-supply. Protect your self-respect and emotional health by not answering.

[2bazookas]

I'd bet his Ex is no longer Ex.

[Honeyroar]

I wouldn’t be surprised if he did get back with his ex and it’s all going wrong again. Just reply “no of course not” then block/delete all traces of him. DO NOT let him try and worm his way back into your head or life. He had you, he didn’t value you or put you first and he was cold in how he went about it. Don’t be stupid enough to go back for more.. You have done so well. Keep your dignity. I hope you meet someone that deserves you in the near future.

[Birkie248]

Just block him.. it sounds like he got back with his ex and promptly dumped you.

[squid12346]

@JungleBeats

Urgh I dislike men like this. Block him and move on.

You have written a fairytale in your head that is far, far removed from reality.

This!

[squid12346]

It sounds like he love bombed you. Said all the right things, made you feel special, made you think he was in this for live...but probably didn't feel the same way he was making out. Its only words to him.

If I was you I would be angry op. He's let you fall in love by saying everything you want f to hear, but everything he said was a fabrication. Don't say it was real, because if he truely felt you were the one etc, he would still be with you now. You should be mad that he made you truely believe that he was 100% in, then took it all away in an afternoon.

Please don't keep going over it and over it op. Its done now. You need to heal and move on. You won't heal if you keep dwelling on this fabricated person that made you love them.

[JungleBeats]

Urgh I dislike men like this. Block him and move on.

You have written a fairytale in your head that is far, far removed from reality.

[larkstar]

@ekidmxcl

I’d say he is not seeing you exclusively and has been found out.

It all sounds very cryptic and although this is shocking and hurtful for you now, it’s better to discover that he is at best very strange and at worst a total liar now rather than later.

I'd agree - that was my first thought - "found out"

I don't find his abrupt change in behaviour and the explanation he's given to be believable.

[Confusedmelon]

Oh, and that new message is definitely a hoover attempt.

Please don't respond and block him on everything. I promise it will save so much heartache in the future. Narcs are not ones to mess with.

[Confusedmelon]

I really feel for you OP, I used to find myself in these situations alot.

This guy sounds narcissistic. He has alot of red flags e.g. saying his ex was horrible and comparing you favourably to keep you in line, saying he was cheated on (they are usually the cheater), future faking knowing full well he had no intention of keeping promises, ghosting you, toying with you by looking at your social media.

I bet he never really was single. These relationships hurt like no other, narcissistic love can be like a drug and the withdrawal is intense.

I would recommend staying away from dating for a while and take some time to learn about red flags and narcissistic personality disorder. When you realise how fake they are, you will realise there really is nothing to miss and you have dodged a bullet.

[chaosrabbitland]

ignore the text , i woulnt even give him the satisfaction of even a one word reply

[WatieKatie]

You sound like a really nice person OP and deserve so much more than him.

Please for your own sanity block him on everything and don’t respond. He isn’t the nice, decent chap you thought he was.

[lachy]

@mynamesjefff

So I was unblocked on one platform today and he messaged me to ask me if I’d accidentally used his card details for something 🙄🙄 completely thrown by it and no idea if he’s being genuine ffs

He is definitely not being genuine.

Bait on a hook. Don't bite and don't respond.

[xsquared]

@mynamesjefff

So I was unblocked on one platform today and he messaged me to ask me if I’d accidentally used his card details for something 🙄🙄 completely thrown by it and no idea if he’s being genuine ffs

Absolutely not genuine. He's hoovering you and playing mind games. Do not rise to it. Chances are he met someone to play with when he cut you off and now he's bored a d wonders whether he can still pull the strings.

Do not be like me. A narc "friend" yelled "just forget about me!" before he hung up on me because I couldn't talk to him right there and then. Months later he emailed to tell me that his email address would expire on a certain date. I didn't reply and that date came and went and guess what yup he emailed again to "apologise" for his behaviour. I was stupid and responded, cue further months of toxic behaviour.

He is doing this to hook you into his web of control again and fuck with your mind.

To him, you're Teddy, and he decided to ignore Teddy to play with Barbie. When Barbie wasn't fun anymore, he wanted Teddy again.

Do not spare him another thought. If you want to send him a final message, just reply "No and please do not contact me again. We are not friends."

All the best op. Cutting you off the first time was actually a blessing.

[schoolsweats]

I think he's fishing to see if you're still holding out hope for him. I recommend this book to support your resolve. You have done amazingly well so far and he will try and pull you back into the beginning just to have the whole merry go round again.

Don't Call That Man!: A Survival Guide to Letting Go https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/0786884274/ref=cmswwrcppapiglttfabc5Z2E536TN3JWW2RYN6N2

[Teedeepie]

Believe me when I say they will try anything to open up any line of communication. Even a ridiculous question weeks/months down the line. To see if you bite. Which means you are still on his hook. It’s an ego boost. Don’t set yourself back weeks. Ignore and block and keep moving on.

[lolacola77]

Please just block him from everything. He's very immature and trying to worm his way back in. Be strong and move on or you'll have months of.heartache