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Original poster

Does this text message sound okay to send to the man I like?

121 replies

SLG86 · 05/04/2021 00:26

I started texting a man at the end of January but as he often works all over the country, I've only met him four times. However, we text every single day and I really like him so I want to know what he is looking for from a woman. I saw him today before he left for his next work placement but felt too scared to ask him so I've drafted this text message:

"You know we were talking about Tinder and Plenty of Fish yesterday? I realised I hadn't asked you this before but what is your situation at the moment? Are you seeing other people, just looking for someone to have something casual and fun with, or looking to date someone for an eventual relationship? X x"

Do you think this would freak him out or does it sound okay to send?

OP posts:
AtrociousCircumstance · 05/04/2021 00:29

I reckon it should be more about what you want.

“Hey, it’s been great chatting to/getting to know you recently! I’m at a stage where I’m looking to date someone, potentially leading to a relationship. Where are you with that right now?”

Be clear and confident about what you want.

Isla2021 · 05/04/2021 00:29

Great response above!

Changingwiththetimes · 05/04/2021 00:31

Agree with PP. State what YOU want. He either responds in kind or not.

seensome · 05/04/2021 00:33

I might be cynical but I guy that travels all over the country for work probably isn't looking for a relationship. You should of asked before you met him.

Chattycatty · 05/04/2021 01:19

Ye definitely don't ask I'd he's out for fun unless you are too.

Chattycatty · 05/04/2021 01:19

*if

HeddaGarbled · 05/04/2021 01:27

I don’t think this is a conversation you should be having by text message.

CatAndHisKit · 05/04/2021 01:49

I think it's fine, though it does show that you aer being careful not to reveal your own agenda wit hthis approach.
It might be that you are unsure of what you want anyway or want smth light-herted, in which case it's a good text, but if you ARE sure than as others said, best to be open about it.

LifesNotEnidBlyton · 05/04/2021 01:59

I think your text is ok OP and I'd send it like that or just ask what hes looking for without giving choices. You'll know by what he puts (or doesn't put) what he wants. I think if you text what YOU want he might just say what he then knows you want to hear. By asking him he has to actually put what HE wants and you can make your choice if you're ok with it.

Sakurami · 05/04/2021 02:02

I would say: I've really enjoyed talking to you but I'm looking for xx . If you're also looking for xx then I'd love to keep talking to you and seeing where it leads. If not then all the best.

avamiah · 05/04/2021 02:04

Just ask him don’t text .
I used to do all this texting but sometimes it doesn’t come out the way you want it to be.

avamiah · 05/04/2021 02:07

When you say met him?
Like a date in person ?
And No I’m not the Covid police lol
I’m just wondering why you didn’t bring this up in person .

OldWomanSaysThis · 05/04/2021 04:00

So, basically you've seen him once a month for 4 months?
The texting every day thing can give you a false sense of intimacy.

I'd probably reduce the texting volume and frequency, get back on OLD and date others. This man is "logistically incompatible" as we say.

He sounds like one of these men on OLD who are just seeking business trip dates - various women in different cities.

joysexjoysex · 05/04/2021 04:04

Why do you want a relationship with someone you might only see 12 times a year?

avamiah · 05/04/2021 04:32

Sounds like he is in a relationship to me ?

blisstwins · 05/04/2021 04:37

@Sakurami

I would say: I've really enjoyed talking to you but I'm looking for xx . If you're also looking for xx then I'd love to keep talking to you and seeing where it leads. If not then all the best.
I like this approach.
Cantwaittomoveon · 05/04/2021 05:58

Let us know if you do send, I’d love to know the response.

midnightstar66 · 05/04/2021 09:21

I also think you should make it clear what your eventual intentions are and word it as to see if he's on the same page. There's a couple of good examples above.

Marineboy67 · 05/04/2021 09:51

The text is fine and clear to the point. If you haven't already I'd send it. No point analysing it until the cows come home.

Fireflygal · 05/04/2021 10:38

You know we were talking about Tinder and Plenty of Fish yesterday? I realised I hadn't asked you this before but what is your situation at the moment, are you seeing other people ?

I would first check if he is seeing other people (also is he definitely single?) I know a man who works on projects all over the UK, the first thing he does is find a local women on dating apps. All of his colleagues know he is doing this.

Gildedbrooks · 05/04/2021 10:51

Please don't send that. Use your god given superior woman's instincts here. No he's not looking for a relationship, he travels all over working. So at best at the minute he's looking for a regular landing spot. You ok with that? If not, he's not the one regardless of if he's seeing other people which he either definitely is in other places or has no time to do because of his work. Also relationships grow from regular contact they're not a promotional level you're bound to reach. Trust your instincts.

UhtredRagnarson · 05/04/2021 10:53

@AtrociousCircumstance

I reckon it should be more about what you want.

“Hey, it’s been great chatting to/getting to know you recently! I’m at a stage where I’m looking to date someone, potentially leading to a relationship. Where are you with that right now?”

Be clear and confident about what you want.

I disagree with this.

If he isn’t interested in a proper relationship but wants to carry on seeing you he will lie and say he is.

Ask him what it is he is after and let him talk. Don’t fill in gaps with what you want to hear.

2me2u2u2me · 05/04/2021 10:56

When I was online dating I had it in my profile what I was looking for, ie, to meet someone with the potential of a relationship, if this isn’t you then we won’t be suited, kind of thing. I also made it clear that if we met for a few dates I wouldn’t be chatting/dating anyone else as I’d like to see where this goes and I’d expect that in return.

You need to be clear from the get go, otherwise you could end up falling for someone that’s no intention of it becoming serious.

I’d definitely have the conversation with him before you get too keen .

Sillysandy · 05/04/2021 10:58

I love it, send it. I wish more of us were clear and assertive.

I wouldn't bother stating what you want. You already know what you want. You want him to tell you what he wants. Leave it open and you are likely to get a more honest response.

But if your wants and his wants don't align then please don't hang about for inevitable hurt.

PandaFluff · 05/04/2021 10:58

Speak to him in person when you next see him