Does this text message sound okay to send to the man I like?

[SLG86]

I started texting a man at the end of January but as he often works all over the country, I've only met him four times. However, we text every single day and I really like him so I want to know what he is looking for from a woman. I saw him today before he left for his next work placement but felt too scared to ask him so I've drafted this text message:

"You know we were talking about Tinder and Plenty of Fish yesterday? I realised I hadn't asked you this before but what is your situation at the moment? Are you seeing other people, just looking for someone to have something casual and fun with, or looking to date someone for an eventual relationship? X x"

Do you think this would freak him out or does it sound okay to send?

I agree that you have come across a bit needy, and you haven't actually got an answer to the question you asked.

He has told you he's not looking for something serious. If you are then this isn't your man.

He sounds immature and an arrogant prick. Run. Consider it a blessing you've only wasted 4 dates with him. He's keeping his options well and truly open and keeping you dangling. Raise your bar OP. This one is dead in the water and not worth your time or energy.

After texting a man of this type the “so where are things going?” text, you can expect him to begin going quiet or ghosting you pronto 💐

That whole conversation would be enough to give me The Ick!

Move on.

1. The spelling would put me right off.
2. If a man said to me “I can get sex whenever I want” I would laugh and then block.

Ewww. He sounds unintelligent, arrogant and rude. And rather juvenile in that he can't be straightforward in an adult conversation. I would definitely have the ick and block and move on.

He says "kool" I'd dump him for that
Ick!

@SLG86 I was going to say what @Lipz said - perspective really is personal.
Why would anyone confirm if they want a serious relationship after meeting someone a few times? that's too much - I understand you wanting to know what he wants eventually, but he mistook your text to mean that you want it to be a relationship right now.
The sex comment was him saying, if he wanted casual sex from you, he wouldn't be texting and meeting up with you, as he wouldn't need to bother getting to know you - he's not being arrogant at all, he's simply saying that it's not the only reason why he's keeping in touch with you.
Has anyone suggested you call him yet? Why text?
At the start of my relationship with my DH we chatted for hours sometimes on the phone, texting is annoying!

Just call him OP and say you want this to go somewhere, and you're not looking to commit to anything right now, but you'd like to be exclusive.

Don't turn it into a game.

To me, he sounds (and is acting) pretty interested.

I understand you wanting to know what he wants eventually, but he mistook your text to mean that you want it to be a relationship right

Why? Unless he cannot read? That is not what she said. Her message was clearly about what he was looking to find, not what their relationship should be right now, or indeed at any other time necessarily! If his comprehension level is so low I think the communication required for a relationship would be beyond him.

I think you should leave it to him to see what/when he texts you. Unless you now have the Ick

I don't really like his attitude & he's coming across as a bit thick & I don't do thick.

Depends how much you want to salvage something really. I'd probably leave it to him to contact me then I'd probably end up texting 'not interested in simply being a notch on your bedpost'

Casual sex is fine when that's what you want, but being treat like just one of his ports in a storm would not impress me one bit.

If I was him I'd be the one running for the hills! How can be possibly tell at this stage if you're the one to get serious with?
On the other hand it sounds like neither of you have strong feelings so if that's what you're looking for then I'd move on.

@SLG86

So I've copied and pasted the conversation we had:

Him: Im just chilling not rushing, wanting to get to know a person and corse have a bit of fun. What bout you? xx

Me: I'm wanting to get to know someone and see where it progresses to but I'm not looking for anything casual x x

Him: Are you looking for something serious then? xx

Me: Not immediately as I want to get to know someone properly first but in the long run, yes. I've done the whole casual sex thing and it's not what I'm looking for. I enjoy talking to you and meeting up with you but I don't want to be a casual fling or someone's go-to for sex so that's why I'm asking x x

Him: I get ya. Shall we just get married then lol xx

Me: You idiot lol. I'm being serious. I don't wanna waste my time if all you're looking for is sex x x

Him: I can get sex when I want tbf. It seems you want something really serious. We've only met each other a couple of times, it takes me a while to like and get with someone so if youre looking for something serious now Im not that guy xx

Me: I'm not looking for something serious immediately but I want to be meeting up with someone to see where it goes and if something will eventually develop x x

Him: Well that's kool, I'm up for that x x

He's just not that into you. Don't waste your time because he made it clear he's not interested in anything other than casual

I wasn't planning my wedding to my bf of 18 months after 4 dates (and I'm still not) but we did both say after date 2 that we were not seeing other people as we liked each other and wanted to see where it went. I think you can at least expect that after 4 dates.

It sounds like the problem is that you don't see each other enough to be able to take it up a level...once a month or so really isn't enough to get to know someone enough to know if you see things developing.

I'm with @Lipz and @VenusTiger. Team GSOH.

if youre looking for something serious now Im not that guy

At least he’s being honest. It comes across like you’re backing down and lowering the standards of what you’re looking for to fit with what he’s prepared to offer.

Dont fall into the 'let's see it goes' trap. You will take it to mean you are both looking at the relationship with potential. He will take it to mean nothing
changes.

Been there done that! And it never came to anything. It's just a way of fobbing you off while maintaining the status quo.

I'd look somewhere else for your serious relationship and write him off.

He wants casual dates and sex while seeing other people Aswell. You can tell by his profiles he’s not into you as a possible serious relationship type sorry. If you want serious keep looking.

@CharlotteRose90

He wants casual dates and sex while seeing other people Aswell. You can tell by his profiles he’s not into you as a possible serious relationship type sorry. If you want serious keep looking.

Replies not profiles

I dunno - I think he kinda took it good humouredly with his joke about marriage (that’s the sort of silly comment I would make to try and diffuse a conversation that risked getting intense) - and in general his position seems reasonable - he wants something casual for now but is open to the possibility of more developing in the future, and he wants to get to know the person, not just have ONS.

Whether this suits OP of course is a different matter. TBH I think the fact they can only see each other once a month or something would be more of a red flag for me. (And I found his texting style a bit grating - but that’s just totally personal, presumably OP doesn’t).

I don't think there was much wrong with his reply. You've only met in person four times, so you going in and asking about serious relationships etc probably took him by surprise a bit.
He said he likes to get to know people first, surely that's a good thing?!
I wouldn't reply now but wait and see what comes of it.

OP explains what she wants, and I could have sworn his response was kool he’s up for that

Don’t think so, OP started to backtrack and in her later texts had very much toned down what she was looking for almost to match what he was saying. He basically said “kool” only once she had more or less said she wasn’t ready for anything serious either.