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Original poster

Does this text message sound okay to send to the man I like?

121 replies

SLG86 · 05/04/2021 00:26

I started texting a man at the end of January but as he often works all over the country, I've only met him four times. However, we text every single day and I really like him so I want to know what he is looking for from a woman. I saw him today before he left for his next work placement but felt too scared to ask him so I've drafted this text message:

"You know we were talking about Tinder and Plenty of Fish yesterday? I realised I hadn't asked you this before but what is your situation at the moment? Are you seeing other people, just looking for someone to have something casual and fun with, or looking to date someone for an eventual relationship? X x"

Do you think this would freak him out or does it sound okay to send?

OP posts:
Orangerunner10 · 05/04/2021 11:05

Tbh if you have to ask I think you know the answer, sorry. I would back off and see how he reacts.

BrilliantBetty · 05/04/2021 11:06

When are you supposed to see him next? Would it be worth waiting and talking in person, I find texts can be a bit ambiguous because no one ever wants to sound like a shit / give the wrong answer. So you might get the reply you want rather than a truthful answer. I think it's easier to interpret what someone actually means in person. Or FaceTime might work too

dopeyduck · 05/04/2021 11:09

I think remove the choices and just ask an open ended, we've been texting / meeting up for a while now and it's been great, what are you looking for?

That way you'll get an honest answer back without guiding him one way or the other or 'scaring' him about what you want.

Runway · 05/04/2021 11:09

Have you considered he may already be in a long term relationship....

HollowTalk · 05/04/2021 11:12

Have you actually sent the message, OP?

badatcrochet1996 · 05/04/2021 11:13

I agree, state what you want.

Original poster
SLG86 · 05/04/2021 11:15

So we didn't actually meet from online dating. He's the friend of one of my work colleagues. The reason we were talking about online dating is because he knows I am on there.

I've literally just sent this and now waiting for a response:

You know we were talking about Tinder and POF yesterday? I was just wondering where you are at in terms of what you're looking for from a woman? X x

OP posts:
UhtredRagnarson · 05/04/2021 11:15

And I agree with doing it in person. You want to see his behaviour when you ask.

bangheadhere40 · 05/04/2021 11:20

Good message

rainbowrainfall · 05/04/2021 11:22

Why do people think just because he travels for work he doesn't want a relationship or must already be in one? People have made assumptions.

I met my husband on plenty of fish, he worked all over the country he wasn't in a relationship with anyone else.

OP, I'd be direct and send what you've drafted.. then judge your next move by his response. Only way you'll know.

AzraiL · 05/04/2021 11:27

The message you sent was good. I wouldn't have recommended telling him what you want, because you don't want to run the risk of him just telling you what you want to hear.

LavenderLollies · 05/04/2021 12:24

I would have gone with the first example given in your replies. If I got that message I’d think it was asking what I wanted in a guy and respond with stuff like ‘funny, kind, ambitious’ etc. It doesn’t read obviously as you asking what he’s looking for in a relationship sense and it’ll be awkward if he says something like ‘someone who enjoys travelling’ and then you have to re ask again but being more specific about whether he’s after commitment.

Original poster
SLG86 · 05/04/2021 12:28

So I've copied and pasted the conversation we had:

Him: Im just chilling not rushing, wanting to get to know a person and corse have a bit of fun. What bout you? xx

Me: I'm wanting to get to know someone and see where it progresses to but I'm not looking for anything casual x x

Him: Are you looking for something serious then? xx

Me: Not immediately as I want to get to know someone properly first but in the long run, yes. I've done the whole casual sex thing and it's not what I'm looking for. I enjoy talking to you and meeting up with you but I don't want to be a casual fling or someone's go-to for sex so that's why I'm asking x x

Him: I get ya. Shall we just get married then lol xx

Me: You idiot lol. I'm being serious. I don't wanna waste my time if all you're looking for is sex x x

Him: I can get sex when I want tbf. It seems you want something really serious. We've only met each other a couple of times, it takes me a while to like and get with someone so if youre looking for something serious now Im not that guy xx

Me: I'm not looking for something serious immediately but I want to be meeting up with someone to see where it goes and if something will eventually develop x x

Him: Well that's kool, I'm up for that x x

OP posts:
UhtredRagnarson · 05/04/2021 12:31

He’s not looking to become serious with you OP. That’s a very clear example of telling you what you want to hear without committing to any of it. This is your notice. Pay attention to it.

WaterBottle123 · 05/04/2021 12:33

Hi OP

  1. He's not into a having a relationship with you. 'Just chillin' is not the response of a man ready for a serious relationship

  2. He can't type, punctuate or spell, you can definitely do better.

AtrociousCircumstance · 05/04/2021 12:34

I don’t know - I think that was ok? It’s a mystery at this stage but he seems to be open to seeing how things go?

He could be playing you but it sounded quite straight forward.

bangheadhere40 · 05/04/2021 12:35

Drop him for spelling alone!

bangheadhere40 · 05/04/2021 12:36

He can get sex when he wants too....slightly arrogant.

AtrociousCircumstance · 05/04/2021 12:36

Having said that, this bit seems Hmm :

Him: I can get sex when I want tbf. It seems you want something really serious. We've only met each other a couple of times, it takes me a while to like and get with someone so if youre looking for something serious now Im not that guy xx

TheWaif · 05/04/2021 12:36

He's not looking for serious AT ALL.

The 'i can get sex whenever I want' bit is his way of saying 'if you don't keep fucking me I will go elsewhere'. He's stringing you along. And he probably already is going elsewhere anyway.

CoconutQueen · 05/04/2021 12:36

I agree; unfortunately he is not into what you want, clearly. You do deserve better from someone who wants a proper relationship.

CornishTiger · 05/04/2021 12:37

Step away.

He’s telling you he’s not that guy then believe him.
Date others. Don’t message daily and definitely no more today.

TheWaif · 05/04/2021 12:37

He does not seem open to seeing where it can go in the slightest.

Diamondella · 05/04/2021 12:39

I read his response as he’s keeping his options open, he doesn’t want a serious relationship with you. Don’t make the mistake that most of us make and ignore the signs. If you’re looking for commitment he’s not offering it. Read the books “I lost him at hello” by Jess Mcann it’s about women and dating and it’s brilliant x

Horehound · 05/04/2021 12:39

Run away!