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Original poster

Done something really stupid and I’m so ashamed

761 replies

BeenSuchaStupidCow · 01/04/2021 23:23

NC for this because I’m so ashamed of myself, I’ve been so stupid. For the last few months I’ve been chatting to a guy I met through OLD. Because of COVID we’d never met yet. I found out a couple of weeks ago he’s married and I’m gutted, I really really liked him. Tonight I’ve done something I shouldn’t and I wish I hadn’t but it’s too late and I’m disgusted with myself. I found his wife on FB and I sent her a message telling her her man’s a cheat. And I sent her some photos he’d sent me in our chats. Now I feel so guilty that I’ve ruined this poor woman’s life and I wish I’d never said anything. It was a stupid impulse after I’d had a couple of drinks and I wish I could take them back. I can see she’s read it but she’s not replied. I keep thinking of what I’ve done and going hot with shame. Why was I so stupid and destructive?

OP posts:
cherrytreesa · 06/04/2021 14:38

No, I've never insisted they're wrong , or shout anyone down

My point was that answering that this was a cruel selfish move by OP with 'well we would want to know' isn't an answer

Not sure what your problem is with me cherry

Oh for goodness sake stop it. Problem? If you can't cope with a discussion then maybe you should leave the thread. That is pitiful, honestly.

You didn't answer me as to why you think it's cruel. Also, here's a few of your comments shouting us down.

"PPs are missing the point that it's not about them"
"And your arrogance that she would want to know is astounding"
"Il take my ignorance over your arrogance everyday of the week. It's not about you."

That's only from this page, no doubt there's others on the rest of the thread. YOU wouldn't want to know, that's fine, you do NOT speak for the majority on here.

Butwasitherdriveway · 06/04/2021 14:40

@cherrytreesa

No, I've never insisted they're wrong , or shout anyone down

My point was that answering that this was a cruel selfish move by OP with 'well we would want to know' isn't an answer

Not sure what your problem is with me cherry

Oh for goodness sake stop it. Problem? If you can't cope with a discussion then maybe you should leave the thread. That is pitiful, honestly.

You didn't answer me as to why you think it's cruel. Also, here's a few of your comments shouting us down.

"PPs are missing the point that it's not about them"
"And your arrogance that she would want to know is astounding"
"Il take my ignorance over your arrogance everyday of the week. It's not about you."

That's only from this page, no doubt there's others on the rest of the thread. YOU wouldn't want to know, that's fine, you do NOT speak for the majority on here.

I won't be leaving the thread on your say so cherry no (bizarre that you've picked three sentences with a different opinion and claimed it's shouting down then told me to leave ) 🤣

If you as a fully grown adult need it explains to you why Ops actions were nasty I'm not sure I can help.

cherrytreesa · 06/04/2021 15:04

Butwasitherdriveway

Why is it cruel?

Butwasitherdriveway · 06/04/2021 15:11

Because OP did it because she was pissed off to punish him.

That is a selfish act.

cherrytreesa · 06/04/2021 15:31

@Butwasitherdriveway

Because OP did it because she was pissed off to punish him.

That is a selfish act.

This is just going round in circles. That doesn't explain why it's cruel. This thread shows that most women wouldn't care what the motivation was behind being told.

How is it cruel to inform a woman that her husband was sending sleazy photos and misleading women that he was single? The motivation behind it is irrelevant.

Butwasitherdriveway · 06/04/2021 15:36

That's because you can't seem to understand that motivation is everything.

Zancah · 06/04/2021 16:22

Jesus. You could argue with a bloody mirror!

Butwasitherdriveway · 06/04/2021 16:33

@Zancah

Jesus. You could argue with a bloody mirror!
Absolutely.
cherrytreesa · 06/04/2021 16:46

That's because you can't seem to understand that motivation is everything.

Oh right, more put downs, yet you say you didn't do that. As you refuse to answer, I can only conclude that you don't actually have an answer. You would have saved a lot of time by just saying that.

Butwasitherdriveway · 06/04/2021 16:51

@cherrytreesa

That's because you can't seem to understand that motivation is everything.

Oh right, more put downs, yet you say you didn't do that. As you refuse to answer, I can only conclude that you don't actually have an answer. You would have saved a lot of time by just saying that.

That's not a put down.

The reason I think it is cruel is because of the motivation.

MarshmallowAra · 06/04/2021 16:57

Is butwasitherdriveway still going lol, I haven't looked in this thread for days.

MarshmallowAra · 06/04/2021 17:01

Even if we consider it "cruel", it would have been inadvertent cruelty to the cheating bloke's wife/partner, it wasn't intended to be cruel to her, it was intended to hurt and punish him because he mistreated op.

In any case there is a huge argument around whether disclosing someone's partner's infidelity is truly cruel
... Esp in comparison to letting them continue ignorant of it.

MarshmallowAra · 06/04/2021 17:05

That's because you can't seem to understand that motivation is everything.

But it's not.

Lots of people have found out about infidelity by accident or due to revenge on the part of the ow/on or the ow/om trying to force the cheater to choose etc etc. By the time the while thing is played out and the betrayed spouses has chosen their path; it doesn't really really matter how they found out and what the whistle blower's main motivation was ... Just that they found out.

Sansaplans · 06/04/2021 17:10

She won't think so, but you did her a favour. Do you think he created a fake social media profile just for you? He's probably been chatting to several women, sorry if that's hurtful OP I don't mean to rub that in, but don't feel bad- he is the one who has been doing this to his wife.

Sansaplans · 06/04/2021 17:12

@Butwasitherdriveway

Because OP did it because she was pissed off to punish him.

That is a selfish act.

Makes no odds, if OP had made it up then yes that's vindictive. They didn't, the intent doesn't matter, they are telling the truth.
Zancah · 06/04/2021 17:16

@Zancah

Your posts go over my head *@Butwasitherdriveway* I can instantly recognise your username as always being the one arguing the opposite opinion on pretty much every contentious thread. You like an argument and go after it hard, it seems. Meh.

I refer you back to the comment I made 4 days ago that you continue to prove right on the money.
I can't take anything you say seriously because I don't think even you believe what you say, you will just carry on arguing for arguments sake. It's tedious as fuck!

Butwasitherdriveway · 06/04/2021 17:20

Ironically enough that post went over my head Zancah.

However, thanks for quoting your own post to remind me twice that you said you aren't interested in my posts 🤣 I mean....

Zancah · 06/04/2021 17:20

😂👌🏽

Butwasitherdriveway · 06/04/2021 17:21

@MarshmallowAra

Is butwasitherdriveway still going lol, I haven't looked in this thread for days.
😴😴😴😴
Butwasitherdriveway · 06/04/2021 17:22

@MarshmallowAra

Is butwasitherdriveway still going lol, I haven't looked in this thread for days.
😴
Butwasitherdriveway · 06/04/2021 17:23

@MarshmallowAra

Is butwasitherdriveway still going lol, I haven't looked in this thread for days.
😴😴
Butwasitherdriveway · 06/04/2021 17:25

Oh god sorry Marshmallow bit of a glitch there!!

People can shout me down and take the piss out of me all they want. I won't be bullied into agreeing that OP acted well here and that motivations don't matter. It's just my bloody opinion. It's allowed.

Sansaplans · 06/04/2021 17:26

@Butwasitherdriveway

Oh god sorry Marshmallow bit of a glitch there!!

People can shout me down and take the piss out of me all they want. I won't be bullied into agreeing that OP acted well here and that motivations don't matter. It's just my bloody opinion. It's allowed.

You're right it is allowed, but it's just another way people make excuses for men's behaviours by blaming women. Boring.
MarshmallowAra · 06/04/2021 17:36

People can shout me down and take the piss out of me all they want

I haven't actually seen anyone do that.

What you seem to miss in your viewpoint is that op not disclosing his infidelity leaves a woman being cheated on, very possibly unknowingly - and very likely as a pattern.

That's the bottom line.

The purity of op's motivations are rather irrevelent.
And fwiw people lash out when they are mistreated, it's understandable. His wife has had this brought to her because he mistreated another woman - as well.as her - he's 100% at fault.

Not sure why you're so utterly determined to argue that motivations matter etc etc. Are you a betrayed spouses - have you still.not put all fault where it belongs?

MarshmallowAra · 06/04/2021 17:37

*spouse