I am CEV dp doesn’t want vaccine....

[Workinghardeveryday]

I am extremely clinically vulnerable. Had my first vaccine begin of April. Because of my condition we already know the vaccine probably won’t work on me. DP has been very supportive of me shielding for over a year. But he doesn’t want vaccine! He can have it now well before he would be normally qualify. He is a bit anti vaccine!

Am I wrong to feel a bit miffed?!!

@AlexaShutUp

Do people not realise that it doesn't stop you getting it or passing it on?!

Why do people keep saying this? Are they deliberately trying to spread misinformation, or do they just not keep up to date with the news?

This is from the Oxford AZ website for it.

The trial was designed to show whether the vaccine prevents you from getting ill; we will continue to gather data on asymptomatic infection, and other outcomes.The results of the trial so far (interim results) did show that the vaccine prevented people from getting severe COVID-19. There were no cases of severe COVID-19 in participants who had the vaccine, and there were two cases in participants who had the control or placebo vaccines.

So yes you can still pick it up after the vaccine it just won’t be as bad. .
That information is from 2 weeks ago as we are still classed as the trial stage.

I'm well aware that you can still get covid after the vaccination. I'm also aware that you can still pass it on, but all the evidence to date clearly indicates that the AZ vaccine significantly reduces the risk of transmission, so it does in fact stop many people from passing it on. So why do people keep claiming the opposite?

Bizarre, I think all you can do is gather some rational news reports. But it’s extraordinary to me he wouldn’t have it knowing that if he passed it onto you you could become very ill. It’s not how someone who loves someone behaves, so I’d find it very difficult if i were you.

He sounds to me like a QAnon disciple. Seriously OP check out what that bunch of twats are all about. Fed up with the naysayers here. Just get the fucking jab. And if he is conspiraloon please leave him. Not worth the bullshit.

I'm sorry you are going through enough and it must hurt like hell to realise he doesn't want to do this to protect you. Even if there was a risk in the vaccines, surely your risk to covid death should be enough to make him take that chance. When you love someone wouldn't you do pretty much anything to protect their life? Some partners would lay down their own lives in a heartbeat if it could save the life of their loved one.

Are you dependent on him as your carer?

If not I would have him leave your home to stay with family or his friends until he either gets vaccinated to be able to live with you again and to not put your life at extreme risk, or until there is a miraculous cure or it dies out on it's own. Latter two unlikely. So you can only hope he will come around and see how dangerous this is for you, and perhaps absence will make his heart grow fonder and not take you for granted.

@CatpissEverdine

I worked with many pharma companies in change management and worked across all divisions, particularly in Pricing Strategy. I was at both AZ and Pfizer and also got to know many of their higher level directors in R&D. I was led to believe that a CV titre is different to that of a rhinovirus, for instance. I know that AZ are selling at cost BUT they are not having to shell out any money on lawsuits should anything go wrong which has been a big part of their budget (not as big as Pfizer's though) and factored into their pricing. It's not what it seems. Scientists working on vaccine development are doing this for the good of the population but this one has been rushed through and it's very plainly said that the vaccine is still in trial and is experimental - hence the indemnity of organisations against having to pay out for damages. I have probably said it all wrong but I am not going to get myself and kids vaccinated against something which is so little understood. I would also be very hesitant to have it if I was planning on starting a family

@CatpissEverdine unfortunately don't assume you/your family will definitely be fine, long Covid is a real long term problem in some people without any underlying conditions. It makes no sense whatsoever to focus on potential unlikely long term effects of the Covid vaccine but not of the known long term effects of Covid itself!

Also please explain how you suppose we get out of this pandemic if we don't have these vaccines and people like you and your family refuse to be vaccinated? People who are CEV and vulnerable are not in the ones driving this pandemic, it's everybody else.

Most of the very people who refuse to vaccinate are also not stringent with handwashing, strict social distancing, limiting social contacts, mask wearing over mouth and nose etc. The irony is that the very people against Covid measures are the ones continuing to drive this pandemic and cause this horrible misery to continue for everyone.

The blunt truth is that it's people like you and your family in the general population who are spreading Covid and killing people and putting them in hospital. Aside from these individual tragedies, all of these hospitalisations and other impacts has meant the NHS is overstretched and many many other people with other conditions have not got the treatment they need. Plus when NHS is stretched to a certain point, we have these lockdowns since normal Covid measures aren't enough. We can't keep having lockdowns forever, people actually have to start taking responsibility and realise we don't live in our own family planets and their choices are directly impacting the very lives and wellbeing of others.

Leaving wouldn’t solve the risks given the children are in school and not vaccinated and studies show the first case in a household is more likely to be a child.

Feeling very confused about how I feel today about it all. Mostly hurt that he can’t think that much of me not to be vaccinated. Then immediately think it’s his choice, his body etc. Then I think the kids being at school is a massive worry and always has been. I did home school all this time until they all went back recently. I am no teacher and they were not getting the education they deserve.
So ultimately am I wrong to expect him to get it as the kids are mixing at school?... I don’t know, maybe I should just go and live in the woods or something!!

So ultimately am I wrong to expect him to get it

You're silly to expect him to get it when he's told you he won't and has very strong feelings about it. YANBU to feel hurt and confused by his decision, though.

You can't control another person's behaviour, only your reaction to it. You've established that he's not budging and that there's nothing to be gained by expecting him to get vaccinated as he's not going to do it.

I think at this point, you have to work with your actual situation as opposed to the one you'd ideally like to have, and plan accordingly.

I get the “his body, his choice” thing. But choices have consequences.

You have a choice whether you want to live with someone if you feel doing so puts you at risk.

If the vaccine passport becomes a thing and he can’t go to the pub/a restaurant/on holiday without being vaccinated will he do it then? Because if he prioritises being able to go for a pint over your health I’d be steaming in your shoes.

@AlexaShutUp

I'm well aware that you can still get covid after the vaccination. I'm also aware that you can still pass it on, but all the evidence to date clearly indicates that the AZ vaccine significantly reduces the risk of transmission, so it does in fact stop many people from passing it on. So why do people keep claiming the opposite?

I think because it’s a new ish vaccine if you can still catch covid after it then there’s no evidence 100% proving you can’t transfer it. No vaccine is safe but most of them work.

I am extemely clinically vulnerable and also with the chance the vaccine won't work on me. My husband is needle phobic and can't be in the same room as me when I have my weekly injections. He was literally first in the queue to get his vaccine as he cares about me. He has kept me safe for well over a year.

Your boyfriend is being stupid. He can still have his weird beliefs and want to keep you safe by having the vaccine. It is his choice not to want the vaccine but your choice as to whether you can live with a boyfriend who is so stupid. Out of curiosity is your boyfriend also one of those anti childhood vaccine nutters? If not, why not?

Him moving out isn’t an option, he has nowhere to go and I think it would probably end our relationship if it went down that path.
I do just feel let down by him not wanting to get it, he’s always so loving and would do anything for me usually. I can’t imagine not doing it for him.
He says he just needs time to think about it, which usually means he will never get around to it.
I know it’s his body and everything, I get that. I just can’t help feeling as time is going on he is majorly letting me down and the kids. How will he feel when he has to tell them mummy is in hospital with Covid or worse!!
He’s also self employed so if he gets it and not working for weeks he won’t be earning, very cold to think but it will be my problem working out how to pay all the bills. What if he dies and I am left alone and have to sit the kids down and tell them daddy isn’t coming home. All of which could be avoided if he had the jab!!!

If he's low risk, the chance of him dying for it are low. But obviously the risk of his having to self-isolate and lose earnings (and possibly end up with long-Covid and off-work for ages, etc) are more likely.

Plus, sorry to say, the risk of you being hospitalised and/or worse are far far higher.

Have you made a practical plan for the children/finances, etc as to what would happen if you did end up hospitalised or if you died? As a carer, I did this at the start of the first lockdown as I needed to know my disabled DC would be taken care of and that others would have access to all their medical/education/financial info in order to care for them if anything happened to me.

It sounds like you need to sit down with DH and make a similar emergency plan. It may be that it jolts him into realising the reality of the risk he's taking and posing to your health, and even if he doesn't change his mind, at least you'll have a plan if the worst does happen.

@LonginesPrime yes that does sound like something I should have already sorted out really.

I will sort it myself, if I try to do that with him he will think I am pushing him and get defensive about it.

Tbh today I can hardly look at him because of it all but smiling sweetly to keep the peace.

@LivBa I have worked through the entire pandemic and caught Covid from the kids that I teach. I have been meticulous with handwashing from day one and also always wear a mask when in enclosed spaces such as shops - more to protect people who are still terrified. I am not a selfish person living in a bubble. My kids go to school. I am classed as vulnerable and I haven't seen one of my parents in over a year. I am an intelligent person who cares about others but I am in two minds about this vaccine and I think that's OK.

How will he feel when he has to tell them mummy is in hospital with Covid or worse

Why do you only think it’s him that will catch it and pass it to you? Will you guilt trip anyone who passes it on? As for finances, it shouldn’t be just on him to provide and I would be very if a girlfriend didn’t want me sick in case I couldn’t work so no salary.

I’m surprised you haven’t got a what if plan in place already tbh.
When I was diagnosed once the shock settled I put a plan in place. It made all my admissions easier as everyone knew what they need to do when I’m out of action. When I cannot get out of bed things just carry on without constant interruptions. And when I die everyone knows what needs to be done, where paperwork is and anything else I could think about.

Of course it’s an upsetting subject. And I understand not everyone is like me and I’ve been close to death more than once. My last bad admission was less than 2 ago and a&e worked hard on me to keep me alive. There was no way I could have predicted that.

I’ve had the virus and a multitude of other infections from people. When it’s high whatever season I take steps to minimise my risk but I don’t put this on others. I got caught out with CV back in February/March last year when we didn’t know.

I mean where would I start? I used to work in a school, the biggest risk was the fools doping their kids with calpol.

I’ve also caught stuff from my own and not just nits when looking after them and been lapse. Single parent so cannot rely on anyone else and still have school age in the house. If my health hadn’t declined as much I would still be working with children btw even though I would still be very vulnerable.

@IceCreamAndCandyfloss
Actually I bring a lot of finances to the household. I have a very stressful job which I have continued to do throughout as well as running a house and home schooling 3 kids.
Yes I could manage a big mortgage and all the bills on my own if I go down the tax credit road but I don’t want to do that.
And for guilt trip. An unfair comment, I have not done that at all, we have discussed his reasons for not wanting it, I have listened and we have sort have had an open conversation about it yesterday and most of his beliefs are unjustified because he didn’t know the facts. He still doesn’t want it, not at the minute anyway and like I have said in previous posts I would never make him or pressurise anyone into having it, I was venting off on MN.

Also, I was thinking, if one of the kids was CEV and he wouldn’t have it, I would loose all respect for him. Most decent parents would do anything to protect their kids, if by having the vaccine helped in the slightest I would be first in line and I think he would be too. So what does that say!!! .....

OP, if he won’t take the vaccine he is putting your life in danger. That is not a loving thingto do.

@thinkingaboutLangCleg
That’s how I feel but he really doesn’t think he is!! I don’t know what to say to him for him to understand?!