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Relationships

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Original poster

I am CEV dp doesn’t want vaccine....

148 replies

Workinghardeveryday · 01/04/2021 23:05

I am extremely clinically vulnerable. Had my first vaccine begin of April. Because of my condition we already know the vaccine probably won’t work on me. DP has been very supportive of me shielding for over a year. But he doesn’t want vaccine! He can have it now well before he would be normally qualify. He is a bit anti vaccine!

Am I wrong to feel a bit miffed?!!

OP posts:

AlwaysLatte · 02/04/2021 12:30

That would be the end of the relationship for me, I'm afraid.

Goleor · 02/04/2021 12:33

@HollowTalk I think it's up to each individual on what they want to do. Personally I've had quite severe reactions to vaccinations all my life starting with the mmr , reactions have gotten so bad that with my last one the dtap I was on steroids for months to calm my immune system reaction. This is all caused by my rare immune system disorder and I was told I probably didnt have any immunity to it anyway after the jab due to how my immune system functions. So all that misery for no protection just didnt seem worth it to me.

CatpissEverdine · 02/04/2021 12:36

I think name calling and saying that people who have doubts about the vaccine are 'stupid' is as bad as the people who call the believers in the mainstream media and government 'sheeple'. Can't we all just try and be a bit more tolerant and open minded. The link was interesting and backed up what ex-colleagues have said: The vaccine is still in trials; nobody really knows the outcomes especially the effect on transmission rates - those vaccinated have not been studied for long enough to have any idea. They also intimated that this wasn't a 'vaccine' as such and that coronavirusses are particularly difficult because of something called a 'titre' (I didn't pretend to really understand). I need to ask questions and we haven't really been able to talk amongst ourselves (apart from on social media) so I made a point of asking people who might know. They acknowledge that their industry is involved in the process of making vast amounts of profit

canigooutyet · 02/04/2021 12:40

Name calling us just childish. I mean how would people like it if I started calling the vaccinated fuck wits for being treated as guinea pigs?

SorsDici · 02/04/2021 12:48

I'm cev and also on antibody blocking drugs, 4 different immunosuppressants and lung disease.

The vaccine is unlikely to work on me. I'd love antibody tests to see if it has worked!

I would feel very unsupported if Dh didn't get vaccinated.

My ds 19 is booked in for vaccine next week, and dd 16 whenever the Pfizer come to town next. They are also pleased to be able to protect me.

AlexaShutUp · 02/04/2021 13:00

They acknowledge that their industry is involved in the process of making vast amounts of profit

The irony being that the AZ vaccine is the one that is being supplied at cost.

nether · 02/04/2021 13:34

JCVI restored the immediate household if the CEV to priority 6 for vaccination - was originally in that group, but suspended until there was sufficient evidence of effect on transmission. I don't know what the evidence is, but it's sufficient to persuade the senior scientific advisers

Horrible position for you OP - but it is his decision.

However, you cannot as a household move away from lockdown rules when you are wide open vulnerable (look at your de-shielding letter - you and he should follow the advice to remain on the 'essential only' reasons to leave your home, to socialise with v v few people and outdoors (or extremely well ventilated) only.

Which is shit, but he has to face the consequences of his choice on you and your family.

Shadowingshadows · 02/04/2021 13:43

@CatpissEverdine a titre / titer is simply the concentration of antibodies as measured in the blood.

You’re right, you don’t get any of this.

So perhaps stop talking anti-vax shit online and pretending you’re ‘in the know’ because you answered the phone at a pharmaceutical company once and the top virologists there are giving you secret info. It’s laughable

MaLarkinn · 02/04/2021 13:51

Christ, there are some nasty, nasty comments here.

You will meet many people in your life that won't have had the vaccine either, friends, family, shop assistants etc. What will you do, stay at home forever?

It's his body, his choice. Women are always banging on about about how their partner should get a vasectomy because they don't want to be taking the pill, it's my body blah blah. If he doesn't want to inject himself with a virus then he doesn't have to.

DIshedUp · 02/04/2021 13:55

@CatpissEverdine how can you have worked in pharmaceutical companies for years and yet not know what a titre is?

What do you think the virus is? Are you trying to say it was manufactured by China?

Even if it was a man made virus, how do you think we treat a man made virus? Do you think all the varyious pharmaceutical companies making vaccines are in on it?

And even if they were. Even if its a man made virus created by the pharmaceutical companies to make profit, now its out there how do you propose we deal with the pandemic? Without a vaccination?

CurseMyTinyThumbs · 02/04/2021 13:59

You will meet many people in your life that won't have had the vaccine either, friends, family, shop assistants etc.

Unlikely to be sharing a bed with them though.

AlexaShutUp · 02/04/2021 14:03

You will meet many people in your life that won't have had the vaccine either, friends, family, shop assistants etc. What will you do, stay at home forever?

Well, obviously we can't avoid the anti-vaxers altogether, but I will certainly be giving friends a wide berth if they have chosen not to have it. That's my personal choice, just as not vaccinating is theirs. Thankfully, my family are all sensible enough to have had it.

SorsDici · 02/04/2021 14:04

Some people on here don't get how serious cev is. The latest data for my condition is saying 25% mortality, so I'm obv going to be careful.

Opentooffers · 02/04/2021 14:08

You can't always argue with stupid ( aka conspiracy theorists). However, it's totally fine to apply pressure on him, and if he will do it for you, that's problem solved.

LonginesPrime · 02/04/2021 14:11

I mean what do you actually say to someone with these beliefs to make them understand without making them feel pushed into a corner

I don't think there's much you can say to convince him to have the vaccine if he thinks it's a big conspiracy - anything you say will just be branded sheeple-talk because of confirmation bias.

The only thing you can really control is whether or not you're prepared to carry on living with him and what your own judgement of the risk is. If he's adamant he won't have the vaccine, then that's what your decision needs to be based on.

I guess I'd be trying to understand from him what he actually believes about the vaccine specifically, not Covid generally - but what are his concerns about the actual vaccine - is he worried something else is in it? That it's unsafe? Does the fact you've had it and survived factor into his thinking?

I'd also ask him - what if he's wrong? What if things are the way the NHS says and the vaccine really is protecting people? How would he feel if he didn't get vaccinated and then infected you?

iVampire · 02/04/2021 14:12

What will you do, stay at home forever?

We don’t have to stay at home (even when shielding was in force we could go out for necessary medical appointments and daily exercise)

But we are told to minimise the number of people we have contact with, and to maintain pretty rigid social distancing

Being CEV is Not Much Fun

The response rate to first jab can be as low as 13% after 5 weeks for some CEV conditions. So yes, staying at home is also a totally appropriate response

Canigooutyet · 02/04/2021 14:14

Whatever happened to my body my choice? To having autonomy over our bodies?

AlexaShutUp · 02/04/2021 14:21

Whatever happened to my body my choice? To having autonomy over our bodies?

I think bodily autonomy is a good principle, but it's problematic when one person's choices about their body start to impact negatively on other people's bodies. Personally, I would respect someone's right to choose whether or not they have the vaccine, but I would struggle to stay in a relationship with someone who was happy to put me at risk in this way.

Ferrylights · 02/04/2021 14:23

Are we married to the same man ? My OH is prepared to die on a stake rather than be vaccinated. He's convinced the MMR vaccine caused his child to have Autism

TroysMammy · 02/04/2021 14:23

I've had both doses because I work in a GP surgery. My partner who is a diabetic and works with vulnerable adults has decided he doesn't want it, spouted some conspiracy shit about it's a step to being controlled. Fine, his choice but what's pissed me off the most that he didn't bother to cancel the appointment but was a DNA. I've also told him if anyone asks me if he's had the vaccine or if anyone brings up the subject with him when I'm there I'm not going to lie or listen to lies. I'm also not going to be his nurse of he gets it and is very unwell either.

iVampire · 02/04/2021 14:25

@Canigooutyet

Whatever happened to my body my choice? To having autonomy over our bodies?

I think that people, including OP, recognised this

But some of us also recognise the impact this will have on the family, who will ease have to continue on lockdown rules (plus perhaps a bit of socialising with other very low contact people)

It’s not a decion that is free from consequences, because the need to protect the CEV continues. And got those who are unlikely to get the benefit of the vaccine themselves, so cannot rely on vaccine protection, that means they cannot have close household contact with people who are out and about mixing freely especially indoors

He would be totally unreasonable if he tried to insist OP should also be isolated from her immediate family, if he were not willing to face the consequences of his choice - which is continuing to SD to lockdown extent.

Refusing the vaccine is I think a poor choice, but one that is his to make. But if in addition to that he refuses to protect his partner by the remaining means available (the full deshielfing advice that is very close to lockdown rules) then he would be utterly unreasonable

TroysMammy · 02/04/2021 14:26

I've also told him that if vaccine passports are introduced for things like the theatre and restaurants then I won't be sitting at home with him missing out.

RantyAnty · 02/04/2021 15:26

It is a bit silly for him not to have the vaccine.

Clearly he can see you've had one so far and you're fine. You didn't sprout another arm or anything.

I'm old and I don't remember vaccine refusal being a thing when I was younger. People just took their DC to get them and adults too and just got on with it. I even remember getting the smallpox one many years ago.

Where did it even come from?

Shadowingshadows · 02/04/2021 15:46

@RantyAnty the internet allowed people who aren’t very bright to talk rubbish to other people who aren’t very bright around the world. Now they feel empowered in their not very bright online community. Trouble is everyone else suffers.

Original poster

Workinghardeveryday · 02/04/2021 15:51

We talked for ages about it today. He really doesn’t want to have it. He feels that it’s not safe as no one knows how it will affect our bodies in years to come. He said even if he gets the vaccine his life isn’t going to change at all, we will still be shielding and going nowhere and seeing nobody. If he is vaccinated he could still pass it onto me even though he showers every time he has been out of the house for work or local shop.
He said he doesn’t listen to conspiracy theories about Covid he thinks those are rubbish, all his opinions are what he has come up with himself!

OP posts:

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