I am CEV dp doesn’t want vaccine....

[Workinghardeveryday]

I am extremely clinically vulnerable. Had my first vaccine begin of April. Because of my condition we already know the vaccine probably won’t work on me. DP has been very supportive of me shielding for over a year. But he doesn’t want vaccine! He can have it now well before he would be normally qualify. He is a bit anti vaccine!

Am I wrong to feel a bit miffed?!!

@Workinghardeveryday if he was happy for you to shield for a year to keep you safe, then surely this is just another step in keeping you safe?

I just don’t know what to say for him to understand! What do I say, ‘your being selfish and silly’?!!!

Ltb

@ValleysGirl72 he is just so anti vaccine and I just think I would hate to be pushed into having it if I didn’t want to. I mean what do you actually say to someone with these beliefs to make them understand without making them feel pushed into a corner!

Ultimately it's his choice just like it was you're choice despite you knowing it might not work for you.
I am cev and have told people it's their choice. I accepted a long time ago I cannot control what other people do. All I can do is take steps to protect me from the various viruses we live with daily.

Does "keeping you safe" for the last year involve him doing everything outside the house and you staying in all the time? Do you think that maybe in some way he's quite enjoyed protecting you like that? Having a vaccine is a much less active or macho way of protecting someone. His reaction would make me question whether his keeping you safe was really about protecting you at all, or whether he just enjoyed the role.

I did read an interesting article about how to argue with conspiracy theorists recently. It said that most of them consider themselves to be independent thinkers who look behind what they're being told and ask in who's in interest it is to be saying that. And that you should use this as your way in, to make them start to question the conspiracy theories that they're reading.

He does understand that it reduces transmission doesn't he? I know someone who's a mild sceptic and they thought there was little point in having it because they're healthy and less likely to be affected. They had missed the reduction in transmission bit and therefore couldn't see how it was a community issue.

What does he actually want to happen for us all to be safe? This is what I can't understand. Can you ask him for me? If he was in charge presumably he'd abolish the vaccines. How would he resolve this crisis?

The national crisis I mean, not the crisis going on within your own family at the moment.

@Firefliess I asked him this before his answer is it will go away by itself in time so no need for vaccines!!!!

It'll go away in time… well, maybe, but in the meantime how would he feel if he infected you and you got seriously ill? I don't know what if anything you can say to change his mind. It's a difficult situation.

[quote Workinghardeveryday]@Firefliess I asked him this before his answer is it will go away by itself in time so no need for vaccines!!!![/quote]
Could you maybe ask him how long he thinks it will take to go away, and whether he's willing to get the vaccine if it's not gone by whatever date he thinks? Will he be going back to an office soon? Or want to see friends? Would be agree to keep not doing these things until he's vaccinated? The scientific consensus seems to be that it's unlikely to go away especially if idiots like him won't get vaccinated though it is quite early days yet and we don't really know whether we might get enough people vaccinated that it does pretty much die out.

@HollowTalk so I asked him, he is saying, it started in China, it came here it’s worse here than China, if it was so contagious it would have been worse in China, the whole lockdown is controlling the nation, he’s never had any vaccine ever so why start now. He’s not starting now.
I am literally banging my head against a big brick wall aren’t I!
He’s getting annoyed because I brought it up 😣

I find it hard to believe he's never had a single vaccine, unless he was born somewhere other than the UK.

This would enrage me. YANBU.

He's never had a vaccine? Ever?

Are your children up to date with their vaccinations?

Erm he’s never had any vaccine ever? I doubt that. So you said he’s in the red section, he is a danger to himself and others. He ascribes to beliefs linked to racism and anti Semitism - is that really someone you want to be with? Something you endorse?

Even if you think the vaccine is a conspiracy (batshit of course) all through history people have made enormous sacrifices for those I love. He is thinking the vaccine might do x y a to me, if so it’s already done that to my wife, she’s ok now. and if my high risk wife dies of COVID then at least I’m not vaccinated? I can’t comprehend. Have you asked him if not being vaccinated will be sufficient emotional support to him if he kills you?

Oh gosh, OP, this is really difficult. I'm all for personal choice and bodily autonomy, but he is being an absolute fuckwit. I would feel so utterly let down in your position. He is potentially putting your life at risk and risking his children having to grow up without their mother.

The fact that he knows the vaccine is unlikely to work on you makes it even worse in my view, as it isn't as if he thinks you'll be protected through that. Does he propose to keep shielding indefinitely in order to keep you safe?

I really worry that our education system churns out so many people with such inadequate thinking skills. I mean, it isn't really a problem when your stupidity only affects you, but it is unacceptable to indulge in all of these nonsense theories when it means putting others at risk.

I really hope that he will look at the evidence carefully and reconsider.

Omg. I am so annoyed with him. Maybe he is thick. Just tried to talk to him about it, I only asked what his reasons were for not having it. He got all annoyed and said I am trying to manipulate him to having it and now sleeping on sofa ffs. Fuck him and his vaccine!!!

You'll never win through reasoning or trying to convince him. Have a look online for info on talking to anti vaxxers, there's lots out there.

The main thing is not to try and persuade him he's wrong as this causes whats known as 'the backfire effect' and can make him dig his heels in. Try asking him questions to understand his beliefs and expose holes in his thinking. Don't slate his beliefs, instead talk about everyone being vaccinated as a given so it's framed as him opting out of a massive community effort rather than you opting in. Highly praise all your vaccinated friends etc. but shut down any antivaxx/conspiracy rants with a polite 'I'm not interested'. Be stern and disappointed (but not rude) regarding anyone who opts out.

It's his choice to decline but he will need to live with the consequences and you will have to decide what they will be depending on what you feel safe with in terms of protecting your own health.

I did read an interesting article about how to argue with conspiracy theorists recently. It said that most of them consider themselves to be independent thinkers who look behind what they're being told and ask in who's in interest it is to be saying that. And that you should use this as your way in, to make them start to question the conspiracy theories that they're reading.

That sounds really good advice @Firefliess.

Seriously how can anyone be so sensitive over a nicely put question! I will look up and see what it says and also try what you said @StooriMelon thank you

No problem and good luck! x

I'm CEV, my husband is TERRIFIED f needles - when I self inject weekly he can't be on the same floor of the house , but he had the jab, because he loves me and would like me to stay alive.

@Firefliess also great advice, thank you, will try that