DH masturbating after sex. Male advice welcome!

[HermionePotter123]

NC for this for obvious reasons. Just to start off I have no issues with my DH masturbating providing it doesn't replace our sex life (at one point he basically was replacing sex with masturbation but after a frank chat we got things back on track). Anyway, DH isn't the most discreet of men and would often leave 'used' boxers/socks etc lying around. We share the laundry 50/50 but he's currently on a set of night shifts so I tend to do the housework when he's working nights (plus I'm still on maternity so I've more free time). Anyway, I've noticed that DH has a habit of seeing to himself later in the day after we've DTD. We had sex this morning then when I was tidying up this evening I noticed a badly hidden sock sticking out from under the bed which he'd obviously used. Normally I'd roll my eyes and get on with it, but it got me thinking there does seem to be a pattern of him doing it a few hours after sex. My minds now in overdrive thinking do I not satisfy him? Or could it be a case of sex making him more horny? Like I said, as long as our sex life is good I've no issue with masturbation/porn but it's just the way it always seems to be after we have sex that makes me wonder if he doesn't feel it's satisfactory enough. Obviously I can't ask him as he'd be mortified and I know it's none of my business really. But just curious to here other poster POV.

Dirty bastard.

Yanno it's not hard not to make any mess when ejaculating from a wank. Pull foreskin up and pinch at the end until it's finished. Then he can take the parcel to the bathroom to deal with.

Dirty, disrespectful and frankly more irritating than having a wank imo.

probably a bit too into his porn, and possibly a certain genre that OP can't really offer

Yes, all men wank. Well, ~99%.

The rest of us aren’t tripping over discarded wank socks, however.

Also agree with the pp who said this whole thing has an air of mother and teenage son.

It's probably the porn he's addicted to, not the masturbation.

My DH always masturbates the morning after we've had sex the night before. He reckons he wakes up super horny.

He is discrete and sorts out his own mess though.

Why can't he just use tissues??

Oh gosh the thread really has went off at a slight tangent! For all the PP asking about the socks, I can see why you find it gross, but I don't think he was expecting me to find the sock and wash it for him. I just left it where it is, he can sort it himself. Previously when we spoke about it the discussion was primarily around his rejection of me whilst masturbating frequently. It was a very uncomfortable discussion for him (and me), but it worked and on the whole things improved greatly. Nowadays he would be less inclined to leave used socks etc lying around (or maybe he's better generally at hiding them). I can't say that I find it particularly repulsive when we both use clothes (boxers) to clean up after DTD. Previously I had an issue with him leaving cum soaked clothing about as it was a further insult to injury when he wasn't having sex with me. I don't think he even realised that I was seeing the 'evidence' until I brought it up, presumably because he was so used to doing the laundry himself. PP have suggested he was faking it earlier in the day but that definitely wasn't the case. Like I said I suspect he does it out of habit/to help him sleep and I probably am overthinking it far too much, but to be honest it really did affect me previously when I was being rejected so I think that I'm a bit sensitive to the whole thing. It's interesting to hear a male poster saying it's an ego thing too, to see if they 'can' orgasm again later in the day. I've never thought of that but could be part of it too. Even very recently he claimed to have a low libido so I do wonder if it's more of a comfort thing rather than sexual?

The more sex I have, the more I want, so it makes sense to me. I can't understand why he uses clothes to dispose of his issue though!

@emilyfrost where exactly do i say I masturbate all the time,?? And you would be hard pressed to find a man that don't masturbate or at least admit to it,!!

At least he isn't wiping his cock on the curtains

Why do you not mind that he just leaves his wank socks on the floor for your to pick up?

Does he have loads of odd socks since they are all going through the wash without the other half of the pair?

[quote Deathgrip]@SpringTimeDream have you also got a history of choosing masturbation over sex, and of becoming used to wanking into clothes and leaving them lying around?

It’s the overall picture that suggests porn addiction to me, having been in a relationship with a porn addict and having spoken to many people in the same situation I was.[/quote]

I'd rather have sex but additional masturbation helps too

I don't leave any clothing lying around whether used or otherwise.

I've never been in a relationship with a porn addict though so I will defer to your greater experience on this.

@PolytheneHam

The more sex I have, the more I want, so it makes sense to me. I can't understand why he uses clothes to dispose of his issue though!

I find this too. I have a very healthy sex life and just love sex and the more I get the more I want (glad to see their are a few of us around) was beginning to wonder. Agree on the clothing though - don't leave lying around if he wipes on first thing he finds.

It is possible to masturbate frequently without having a porn addiction. Why does everyone immediately jump to that conclusion?

Argh I'd just compiled a lengthy response and accidentally deleted it! Anyway, as some PP have suggested it does seem like I'm contradicting myself. On one hand (no pun intended!) I'm saying I don't mind if he masturbates providing we still have a regular sex life. But on the other im miffed that he chooses to do it hours after the aforemented sex. I think truthfully the issue is my own self esteem and it's in the back of my mind that I don't satisfy him and he would rather masturbate. Personally the only time I masturbate is for sexual release and if DH isn't available/in the mood but I know everyone is different and others may do it for comfort/sleep aid/habit/boredom etc. So it may not be a sexual thing per se with him. About a week ago we had a random conversation were he mentioned he had a low libido (mines would be higher) so I'm maybe feeling a bit put out and misled that his libido isn't low at all,- kind of like he has sex just to placate me but really he prefers to masturbate IYSWIM.

This is just beyond disgusting. Jesus. Using the boxers too tbh. All just grim.

(male speaking from the UK)
Yeah this idea of the cum sock is so American Pie 😂 sorry what's wrong with leaving a pack of tissues or do what I do and relieve yourself in the shower, cleaner and feels great.
I don't relieve myself all the time, we've got a baby boy on the way too and as much as I enjoy It, I don't do it often. Especially not after sex. I'm a one and done kinda guy, occasionally we've had sex more than once in a day when we were teens but yeah not anymore. (26 now)
I would not be happy If my wife grabbed a pair of my dirty boxers and cleaned herself up FFS, and I know she would be the same, she'd probably divorce me 😂 I jest!
So yeah tissues or do it in the shower... 🚿

I think probably he waits till after you've had sex because he doesn't want it to impact your sex life. If he masturbates first then he probably won't be interested in sex so he waits till after you have sex.

I know everyone is giving him a hard time but he's probably actually trying to be considerate.

Obviously the sock thing is disgusting.

That’s the other red flag for me - claiming he has a low libido, while secretly (he thinks) masturbating later in the day following sex. He definitely does not have a low libido, but I’ve seen this bandied around by porn addicts before so that they can prioritise porn and wanking.

I don’t always jump to porn addiction, but when I see the same narrative playing out that I’ve heard from countless partners of porn addicts, I say so.

I would actually leave.

This really too grim.

I am wondering how you can stomach it op. Honestly op. You really do deserve much more than dealing with his left over crusty socks and god knows what. No woman in the world should have to deal with it. It makes me gag thinking about it. How can you find this man-teen sexy after that?! What is this doing to your self esteem?

I would be bolting for the hills, and would never want to set my eyes on a crusty sock again, and find a decent man that knows how to behave properly. Or be happy alone without the scattering of socks and soiled underwear everywhere. GRIM!!

Correct terminology is * spunk sock,!! 😂tbh i'm with all other PP,s 're why can't he use a tissue....

And he is lying to you about the low libido too. He leaves his disgusting leftovers everywhere, he makes you feel like he is on a tick box exercise instead of enjoying intimacy with you - he makes you feel like shit as a result, what do you see in him exactly? Why are you putting up with this?

@coronaway and others.

I'm afraid suggesting a tissue to catch it is akin to using an umbrella to stop a tsunami.

(Any other DeadCatBounce fans in?!?)

There seems to be a lot of posts about the "socks" but its not really the issue the OP is asking advice once here, just from my own perspective using a wet wipe or jumping in for a shower would be "cleaner" method.

Anyway from a males prospective I really don't buy into it being an ego thing at all but I can say that a few hours after having sex with my wife I would certainly think about it and her and how enjoyable it was and that would get me going again . However I wouldn't always approach her as I didn't want to pester her or by the time I felt like that she might be in bed sleeping and I wouldn't want to wake her etc etc etc. My point is that when I felt I could go again I may have thought the circumstances where not right to engage my wife (and that's the I don't know because I didn't ask!).

My advise would be to just to talk to him honestly about this and see where he stands on it, perhaps he just needs a bit more confidence or reassurance that he can approach you if he is feeling ready again.