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Original poster

DH masturbating after sex. Male advice welcome!

151 replies

HermionePotter123 · 29/03/2021 23:48

NC for this for obvious reasons. Just to start off I have no issues with my DH masturbating providing it doesn't replace our sex life (at one point he basically was replacing sex with masturbation but after a frank chat we got things back on track). Anyway, DH isn't the most discreet of men and would often leave 'used' boxers/socks etc lying around. We share the laundry 50/50 but he's currently on a set of night shifts so I tend to do the housework when he's working nights (plus I'm still on maternity so I've more free time). Anyway, I've noticed that DH has a habit of seeing to himself later in the day after we've DTD. We had sex this morning then when I was tidying up this evening I noticed a badly hidden sock sticking out from under the bed which he'd obviously used. Normally I'd roll my eyes and get on with it, but it got me thinking there does seem to be a pattern of him doing it a few hours after sex. My minds now in overdrive thinking do I not satisfy him? Or could it be a case of sex making him more horny? Like I said, as long as our sex life is good I've no issue with masturbation/porn but it's just the way it always seems to be after we have sex that makes me wonder if he doesn't feel it's satisfactory enough. Obviously I can't ask him as he'd be mortified and I know it's none of my business really. But just curious to here other poster POV.

OP posts:
Suzi888 · 30/03/2021 05:12

Today 01:38 emilyfrost

Ardvark111
@hermionepotter123. I imagine you would have found that hurtful to be fair,!! Without going into to much detail 😂 us fellas are as 1 with our palm of right hand ( unless left handed 😂 ) and as I said it's a great for stress relief ending in a ecstatic release,!! Re your situation you can either a) accept his little self pleasures or b) tell him to curb it as its affecting your self esteem in a number of ways
No, she can’t tell him not to do anything, and while you may masturbate all the time not all men do. You don’t speak for the entirety of men so you can stop with the “us fellas” bollocks.

OP the masturbation isn’t the issue here, but leaving cum soaked items of clothing around is. If he gets cagey when you bring it up then he should be more discreet and not leave them lying around.

But she’s used his boxers to do the same thing! Confused

Coffeemocha · 30/03/2021 05:25

Missing the point entirely but couldn't you just pop a box of tissues on the bedside table? Confused

MintyCedric · 30/03/2021 05:35

@Coffeemocha

Missing the point entirely but couldn't you just pop a box of tissues on the bedside table? Confused
Or a penis beaker?!

I would lay money on him doing it to help him get to sleep when he's on nights tbh, but definitely address the cleanup issues if you have anearly crawling child!

femfemlicious · 30/03/2021 05:40

Yuck

HamFisted · 30/03/2021 05:41

I had a porn/wank addicted boyfriend as a teen and he used to say that the second orgasm was much better than the first. The first he viewed almost as foreplay and he'd be ready to go again pretty soon after. Maybe something like that is in play, but he doesn't think you'd be up for another round so soon so sees to himself instead?

Cokie3 · 30/03/2021 05:51

Obviously I can't ask him as he'd be mortified

I don't understand this. If you can't communicate, you don't have a marriage. Is he normally 'mortified' that you, his wife, wants to communicate with him? You said first off but after a frank chat we got things back on track

So was he 'mortified' with that frank chat? Why is it you can't have a 'frank chat' with him this time? What's changed? Why can't you communicate with your own spouse?

and I know it's none of my business really

Um, what? It is very much your business. Confused

Cokie3 · 30/03/2021 05:53

@Sally872

He would be more discrete if he was mortified.

I don't think it is any reflection on you or your sex life. From title I thought he was masterbating immediately after sex. I don't think later that day is anything to worry about.

He would be more discrete if he was mortified.

This! He doesn't seem to care if you know or not, and clearly has so sense of being mortified. In fact, on the contrary.

HamFisted · 30/03/2021 05:54

^This

It became your business when he started leaving wank socks around for you to clean up. Envy< not envy

Cokie3 · 30/03/2021 06:03

If it's to help him sleep, why doesn't he just say so? Most men will admit to their own spouse to doing it, but he's pretending he's not, after sex. I really believe he is faking it with you. That's the only reason I can see that he would have the need to hide getting himself off after. He doesn't want you to know. And why? Why not? What reason would he have to be embarrassed by that? The only reason I can think of is if he faked it with you and had to relieve himself after but didn't want you to realise that.

You really need to have a frank chat with him. He is your husband. Your life partner. If you can't talk with your own husband something is wrong.

So many things on here are easily sorted with a frank chat. Instead of avoiding, bottling it up, til it bottles up more, and more, and then more frustration etc. FFS, just talk to your husband.

ScrumptiousBears · 30/03/2021 06:06

When my DP was working nights he used to do this during the day when he couldn't sleep.

Preservethewood · 30/03/2021 06:14

Get a supply of sex towels

Sparklingbrook · 30/03/2021 06:57

Ewww clearing up his minging wank socks must be a massive passion killer. Could he not put them in the wash? Leaving them lying about is the biggest problem here.

Clarice99 · 30/03/2021 07:00

I'd have zero respect for a man who left 'wank socks' lying around. It's the type of behaviour expected from a teenage boy, not an adult.

Gross.

Sparklingbrook · 30/03/2021 07:03

@Clarice99

I'd have zero respect for a man who left 'wank socks' lying around. It's the type of behaviour expected from a teenage boy, not an adult.

Gross.

Exactly. But TBF my teenage boys never did this thankfully, I would not have put up with it from them either.
sammylady37 · 30/03/2021 07:04

i really believe he is faking it with you. That's the only reason I can see that he would have the need to hide getting himself off after. He doesn't want you to know. And why? Why not? What reason would he have to be embarrassed by that? The only reason I can think of is if he faked it with you and had to relieve himself after but didn't want you to realise that

Or maybe he just doesn’t want to have his masturbation habits policed and discussed? Previously the op had a “frank chat” with him about it, I wonder how comfortable and happy he was with that frank chat. Maybe he doesn’t want a repeat. Masturbation is generally something quite private.

Op I think you should both stop using clothes to clean up after sex and just use tissues which you then dispose of.

Benjispruce2 · 30/03/2021 07:05

Buy toilet roll!

Lessthanaballpark · 30/03/2021 07:14

The boxer shorts are a result of something they both engage in and I should imagine OP cleans them herself rather than leaving them for him to wash.

The wanksocks are a solo activity and he is leaving them for her to tidy up. It’s beyond gross. I’d be inclined to chuck them out or leave them under his pillow until he has to wash them up himself

Whatliesbeneath707 · 30/03/2021 07:16

Hi OP, I feel your thread has perhaps taken an unlikely turn as we all debate the laundry issue with the socks😬 If you are wanting more insight into the question about is it normal to masturbate after sex, you might get some helpful replies from posting on the sex board (under body & soul).

CuthbertDibbleandGrubb · 30/03/2021 07:16

Leaving the socks about is just awful.

Sparklingbrook · 30/03/2021 07:25

@Whatliesbeneath707

Hi OP, I feel your thread has perhaps taken an unlikely turn as we all debate the laundry issue with the socks😬 If you are wanting more insight into the question about is it normal to masturbate after sex, you might get some helpful replies from posting on the sex board (under body & soul).
Do the sexperts over there think leaving wank socks around is acceptable though?
NoSquirrels · 30/03/2021 07:26

I suspect he mastubates to help him sleep too during the day when he's on night shift.

That’s your answer. I expect it’s habit and not in the same box in his head as ‘sex’.

MiddlesexGirl · 30/03/2021 07:27

@Whatliesbeneath707

Hi OP, I feel your thread has perhaps taken an unlikely turn as we all debate the laundry issue with the socks😬 If you are wanting more insight into the question about is it normal to masturbate after sex, you might get some helpful replies from posting on the sex board (under body & soul).
..... and don't mention the socks!
Poorlykitten · 30/03/2021 07:31

I don’t understand why you can’t just ask him? You are extremely intimate with one another and should be happy to talk about most things openly and honestly. Including masturbation.

Meowchickameowmeow · 30/03/2021 07:32

My husband is free to masturbate whenever he wants, it's not a reflection on me. However, he is not free to leave grotty items of clothing under the bed, that's just awful.

Deathgrip · 30/03/2021 07:34

10 years of being single before you met, and having had a period of choosing masturbation over sex?

My guess would be porn addiction. One someone is very addicted to porn, real life sex is not as interesting or arousing, hence the need to go again with porn later.

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