New neighbour wants me to be friends with his wife

[AlTempleton]

New neighbours moved in a few months ago. I saw the husband not long after they had moved in and we introduced ourselves and exchanged pleasantries.

I didn't meet his wife for a while, but then about a month ago I was cleaning my car and they both came out with their baby and came over to introduce the wife. He did all the talking - told me her name, that she's a SAHP, she doesn't know anyone here - and she stood there nodding and smiling as he spoke, but not actually saying anything herself. He explained her English is limited but she'd love to make some friends, she's very lonely at home alone when he's out at work, and that I should go round for tea with her once restrictions are over. I said something noncommittal like "that's very kind" and left it at that and didn't think anything more of it.

However I've just bumped into him again, this time on his own, while I was coming back from walking my dog, and he reminded me about having tea with his wife and reiterated again how lonely she is. He also said we can go in each other's gardens from next week. I said something like, oh well work's very full on at the moment but thanks, that's very nice of you.

I have a feeling now though that he's not going to drop it and that he's got me lined up to be a friend for his lonely wife. This is probably really mean of me, but I just don't want to. I'm working full time and I have a generally busy life, but also I just don't want the pressure of being the person who has to resolve this stranger's loneliness. I've only met her that once when he brought her out to meet me, but I have bumped into him loads of times as he's gone out to work, gardening or he's going for a run. I only ever see her sat at her living room window staring out. It feels like I've been earmarked to resolve the issue of her never going out.

I want to very politely shut this down as I don't want to have to vaguely keep saying things like "work is full on at the moment" every time he brings it up because I think that's not going at stop him asking me, particularly when restrictions are lifted.

Any ideas please? (Or am I just a horrible person??)

I’m always amazed that people feel the need to post the Be Kind crap when right now there are dozens of threads on MN where women are in bad relationships and are crying out for advice, yet those threads sometimes barely get 2 or 3 responses!

Be Kind brigade: your time will be much better placed helping those women! So go forth and Be Kind to them!

Everyone has daffs OP. They're in the standard MN emoji list

for remarkably serenity on a thread where 50% of the posters appear to be so sure they have wonderful unheard of nuggets of wisdom and smugness to impart that they don’t need to rtft

If it helps, if you hide the thread you won’t get notifications and you won’t see it.

@Clymene

Everyone has daffs OP. They're in the standard MN emoji list

You're right! There it is! Well that was worth staying on the thread for!

🐕💐🏃🍰

🍻 🍷 🍸 🥃 🍹 🍺

🏃‍♀️ 🏃‍♂️ 🏃

🐶 🐩 🐕

🍰 🧁 🍪

If it helps, if you hide the thread you won’t get notifications and you won’t see it

I hid the thread last night after MNHQ refused to zap it, but I still got 70billion emails overnight. I also can't find a way to stop the bloody notifications on the app - I'm going to have to go on a computer and have a look.

It's not such a deal at the moment as the daytime crowd are pretty funny. It's the evening crowd I'm scared of

I'm so glad there's a positive. I think it should be your standard sign off on every post now.

What shall I have for breakfast today?

Options:

Cheese, mushroom, spinach and chives omelette

Or

Spinach and chives scrambled eggs

And then for sides.: Options

Avocado

Spinach

Fine beans

Kale

Fried tomatoes

Just an idea. You could try something like this? It wouldn't cost you much, although clearly it would require a personality transplant to give you just a glimmer of compassion in your dark, cold soul.

Or this...?

@Whatamess582

Having been ‘the wife’ in this situation, imagine it would be so nice for her to have a contact. You don’t have to be ‘friends’ and have weekly coffee mornings and Tupperware parties. Just have 1 cup of tea with her, let her know you’re always around if she needs you. Honestly, No one likes being forced into a friendship and she is probably feeling awkward and cringey about it all too.... but she will also massively appreciate the effort and kindness. The husband is being a bit pushy but he loves his wife and is trying to help her. I think your desire to shut it down is a bit unkind and unneighbourly. She lives in your community and is trying to integrate. Be kind.

Well thank fuck @Whatamess582 came along to wow us all with her insightful condescension and assumptions that in the 3 days since the thread was posted it might not have moved on.

Seriously if you can't be bothered to read the thread, don't bother to post. Your patronising 'insight' really isn't as valuable as you think it is

Perhaps knit something nice for his wife, as an invitation for you both to take up knitting together as a hobby to while away those hours you will spend in each other's company.

Yeah sorry. My bad. Profuse apologies. Should have read 34 pages of messages... won’t make that mistake again

Here, an inspirational quote for you OP.

Smiles cost nothing, didn't you realise?

@AlTempleton

If it helps, if you hide the thread you won’t get notifications and you won’t see it

I hid the thread last night after MNHQ refused to zap it, but I still got 70billion emails overnight. I also can't find a way to stop the bloody notifications on the app - I'm going to have to go on a computer and have a look.

It's not such a deal at the moment as the daytime crowd are pretty funny. It's the evening crowd I'm scared of

In the App: backup up out of the list of current threads till you get to TALK at the top of your screen (left hand side) plus magnifying glass and Menu (the three horizontal lines) on the right.

Open menu then
Settings
Notifications - click on this button to switch notifications off

Hope it works! 🌹

@Whatamess582 just press see all under the OP’s first post or at the top of the page, really not that difficult

What’s the harm in having a cup of tea with her every once in a while and cooing over the baby? Once things ease she’ll find her own friends anyway.

That’s numberwang!

Here’s the link in case it’s still going tonight then

www.mumsnet.com/Talk?call=Preferences
The notification settings are at the bottom.