New neighbour wants me to be friends with his wife

[AlTempleton]

New neighbours moved in a few months ago. I saw the husband not long after they had moved in and we introduced ourselves and exchanged pleasantries.

I didn't meet his wife for a while, but then about a month ago I was cleaning my car and they both came out with their baby and came over to introduce the wife. He did all the talking - told me her name, that she's a SAHP, she doesn't know anyone here - and she stood there nodding and smiling as he spoke, but not actually saying anything herself. He explained her English is limited but she'd love to make some friends, she's very lonely at home alone when he's out at work, and that I should go round for tea with her once restrictions are over. I said something noncommittal like "that's very kind" and left it at that and didn't think anything more of it.

However I've just bumped into him again, this time on his own, while I was coming back from walking my dog, and he reminded me about having tea with his wife and reiterated again how lonely she is. He also said we can go in each other's gardens from next week. I said something like, oh well work's very full on at the moment but thanks, that's very nice of you.

I have a feeling now though that he's not going to drop it and that he's got me lined up to be a friend for his lonely wife. This is probably really mean of me, but I just don't want to. I'm working full time and I have a generally busy life, but also I just don't want the pressure of being the person who has to resolve this stranger's loneliness. I've only met her that once when he brought her out to meet me, but I have bumped into him loads of times as he's gone out to work, gardening or he's going for a run. I only ever see her sat at her living room window staring out. It feels like I've been earmarked to resolve the issue of her never going out.

I want to very politely shut this down as I don't want to have to vaguely keep saying things like "work is full on at the moment" every time he brings it up because I think that's not going at stop him asking me, particularly when restrictions are lifted.

Any ideas please? (Or am I just a horrible person??)

@Whatamess582

Having been ‘the wife’ in this situation, imagine it would be so nice for her to have a contact. You don’t have to be ‘friends’ and have weekly coffee mornings and Tupperware parties. Just have 1 cup of tea with her, let her know you’re always around if she needs you. Honestly, No one likes being forced into a friendship and she is probably feeling awkward and cringey about it all too.... but she will also massively appreciate the effort and kindness. The husband is being a bit pushy but he loves his wife and is trying to help her. I think your desire to shut it down is a bit unkind and unneighbourly. She lives in your community and is trying to integrate. Be kind.

Seriously for the love of everything please read the fucking thread!!

OP has been round with and her DH and asked both neighbours over for tea and , neighbour DH said no thanks and shut the door

I need updates.

@Whatamess582

Aaaaaaaaarrrgh!!! Read the thread!!! 🤯 pleeeeaaaase for the sake of everyone’s sanity!!

Thank you OP! Have some more daffs. . This might be the prettiest thread on Mumsnet.

This thread and all the instructions to 'be kind' reminds me of the time I watched a group of toddlers... And when one of them had patiently waited her turn for a much coveted toy and finally had it in her hands, all the other children flocked round like a group of seagulls chanting 'share! share! share!'

@Whatamess582

Having been ‘the wife’ in this situation, imagine it would be so nice for her to have a contact. You don’t have to be ‘friends’ and have weekly coffee mornings and Tupperware parties. Just have 1 cup of tea with her, let her know you’re always around if she needs you. Honestly, No one likes being forced into a friendship and she is probably feeling awkward and cringey about it all too.... but she will also massively appreciate the effort and kindness. The husband is being a bit pushy but he loves his wife and is trying to help her. I think your desire to shut it down is a bit unkind and unneighbourly. She lives in your community and is trying to integrate. Be kind.

Hahahahahahaha!

Tag, you're it!

"Be kind" is getting tedious now. The OP went above and beyond already.

@AlTempleton

Some

Flowers

to

Fill

Up

The

Thread

For

You

OP

[quote BuiltForComfortNotForSpeed]@AlTempleton [/quote]
Yes, I quite agree. I think we're beyond flowers now and have reached the alcohol phase of the thread.

@Dontbeme

Loving your work

@Dontbeme

Your user name could be extended there to DontbemeanBekind

Or: DontbeAlTempletonBekind

Don't you only need to 'be kind' if they're trans?

Get them some pampas grass as a spring present, maybe they'll make new friends then.

@BigFatLiar

Don't you only need to 'be kind' if they're trans?

Get them some pampas grass as a spring present, maybe they'll make new friends then.

I don't know. I don't know the rules of being kind. Cos cold-hearted.