New neighbour wants me to be friends with his wife

[AlTempleton]

New neighbours moved in a few months ago. I saw the husband not long after they had moved in and we introduced ourselves and exchanged pleasantries.

I didn't meet his wife for a while, but then about a month ago I was cleaning my car and they both came out with their baby and came over to introduce the wife. He did all the talking - told me her name, that she's a SAHP, she doesn't know anyone here - and she stood there nodding and smiling as he spoke, but not actually saying anything herself. He explained her English is limited but she'd love to make some friends, she's very lonely at home alone when he's out at work, and that I should go round for tea with her once restrictions are over. I said something noncommittal like "that's very kind" and left it at that and didn't think anything more of it.

However I've just bumped into him again, this time on his own, while I was coming back from walking my dog, and he reminded me about having tea with his wife and reiterated again how lonely she is. He also said we can go in each other's gardens from next week. I said something like, oh well work's very full on at the moment but thanks, that's very nice of you.

I have a feeling now though that he's not going to drop it and that he's got me lined up to be a friend for his lonely wife. This is probably really mean of me, but I just don't want to. I'm working full time and I have a generally busy life, but also I just don't want the pressure of being the person who has to resolve this stranger's loneliness. I've only met her that once when he brought her out to meet me, but I have bumped into him loads of times as he's gone out to work, gardening or he's going for a run. I only ever see her sat at her living room window staring out. It feels like I've been earmarked to resolve the issue of her never going out.

I want to very politely shut this down as I don't want to have to vaguely keep saying things like "work is full on at the moment" every time he brings it up because I think that's not going at stop him asking me, particularly when restrictions are lifted.

Any ideas please? (Or am I just a horrible person??)

@Therarestone Shame on you for not apologising to the OP, and accusing everyone but yourself of being nasty.

Speaks volumes about you. And you have made yourself look HUGELY bad. At least say sorry to her for your cruel comment. Try a bit of damage control at least. BE KIND!

@AlTempleton I am so sorry you have been bullied and goaded off here by nasty, judgemental bullies telling you what a disgraceful bitch you are for not jumping to your MALE neighbour's demands, and going and befriending his wife.

A few of the posters on here should hang their head(s)in shame. Trying to make you feel lousy for not being a good iccle wumman, and doing what she is told by da menz!...

And I bet STILL none of the haters and beraters slating the OP, have contacted her to find the poor neighbour's wifey's contact details, so you can REACH OUT to her.

@AlTempleton, I've read all your posts and you sound such a nice person, I'd love to have you as a neighbour

@LittleMissNaice

I'm allergic to dogs. flounce

I'm allergic to running so I'm flouncing right with you.

I suspect he's trying to bring about a three some.
Either that, or he knows, accepts she's a lesbian and simply prefers it local, under his control.

No pampas grass though....

@AlTempleton - all credit to you. It's admittedly been fun laughing at some of the more outlandish comments, not least your ripostes in response to the crazier ones, but you're absolutely right to set boundaries. A line's been crossed.

Your posts have been great. I hope we meet again on this site!

@Alcemeg

We love you, OP. Please come back soon. Thanks for the laughs and good luck with the neighbours. And roll on next year, more daffodils.

I agree. Ignore the bekind twits, OP

And please update us if anything noteworthy occurs!!

Shame, poor woman. Would it really kill you to have tea with her once or twice a week?

Have tea with a stranger during covid, how’s that work?

Deadly serious

@HeelsHandbagPerfumeCoffee

Have tea with a stranger during covid, how’s that work?

You can have tea in the garden as of today.

Would it really hurt to spend an hour of your time chatting to a lonely lady?! I mean, so what if there's nothing in it for you- perhaps do a selfless deed and be kind. I don't understand some people...

I know it's not your problem OP but this poor woman must be desperately lonely.

I can genuinely think of better things to do than tea with a lonely next door neighbour

All this talk of be kind. A woman about my age moved in next door to me and invited me in for a coffee. I didn't want to go because I worked long hours and just wanted to spend my weekends quietly destressing, but #bekind and all that. She was awful, a gossipy mean girl trying to dig up the dirt on the other neighbours. Having taken that first kind step it's not always easy to extricate yourself when things go tits up. She's always at my door demanding favours, if I go into my garden her head appears up above the fence, she asks me insanely personal questions repeatedly until she has an answer and she refuses to recognise clearly stated boundaries. It's a nightmare. Sometimes the person we most need to be kind to is ourselves.

I would go round for a cup of tea in the garden/ invite her to my garden and take a little welcome to the street present. You don't have to be her best buddy or fix her life, but small gestures can be meaningful to someone who is very lonely and low.

@Mwnci123

I would go round for a cup of tea in the garden/ invite her to my garden and take a little welcome to the street present. You don't have to be her best buddy or fix her life, but small gestures can be meaningful to someone who is very lonely and low.

Like some flowers from her garden, maybe?

FML.

At least read the OP's posts before posting. They're handily highlighted in green.

Was really looking forward to the next update!!! Pity people can read more than one box.
You sound like my ideal neighbour

*can't

@ThePluckOfTheCoward
Wow. What a joy you are. Did you bother reading the post you've so aggressively commented on? Maybe do so before being so unnecessarily nasty and personal. And understanding the big words you use may also help.

I rarely comment on MN as there's invariably people like you who feel the need to give unsolicited personal horrible comments. I hope your attack on me has helped venting at whatever was aggravating you today/this week/month /year/life. Breath. It will help. Take a moment or 10 and relax

EmpressWitchDoesn'tBurn Quite right- didn't rtft.

@HeelsHandbagPerfumeCoffee I read all the posts - I opened with that so that posters like yourself would know. I'll "bold" it next time

@Staffy1

Shame, poor woman. Would it really kill you to have tea with her once or twice a week?

We are now up to twice a week.

Who are these people who have time to have tea with their neighbours twice a week!!

I don’t have time to have tea with my mum twice a week!!

And having tea remove a week with a stranger who doesn’t speak english.

No one would ever expect a man to have tea twice a week with a lonely neighbour.

Hi absolutely agree women’s time is seem as less valuable.

Be honest, if some new neighbour off your street came over and asked you to befriend his wife, what would you think. The majority on here probably think he's a bit of a bully and arrogant.

My husband would have never accosted a neighbour and said this if we were new to the area.
It is in fact extremely rude and presumptious that you can organise someone elses time and energy. He's probably a boss of some sort at work and likes organising people.

It has nothing to do with kindness or lack off, the man needs to learn some basic boundaries. Your home should be your castle, your sanctum, your place to relax and feel safe from the world, I wouldn't want some bloke telling me what to do when I was back home.
I had enough of that with my husband.