New neighbour wants me to be friends with his wife

[AlTempleton]

New neighbours moved in a few months ago. I saw the husband not long after they had moved in and we introduced ourselves and exchanged pleasantries.

I didn't meet his wife for a while, but then about a month ago I was cleaning my car and they both came out with their baby and came over to introduce the wife. He did all the talking - told me her name, that she's a SAHP, she doesn't know anyone here - and she stood there nodding and smiling as he spoke, but not actually saying anything herself. He explained her English is limited but she'd love to make some friends, she's very lonely at home alone when he's out at work, and that I should go round for tea with her once restrictions are over. I said something noncommittal like "that's very kind" and left it at that and didn't think anything more of it.

However I've just bumped into him again, this time on his own, while I was coming back from walking my dog, and he reminded me about having tea with his wife and reiterated again how lonely she is. He also said we can go in each other's gardens from next week. I said something like, oh well work's very full on at the moment but thanks, that's very nice of you.

I have a feeling now though that he's not going to drop it and that he's got me lined up to be a friend for his lonely wife. This is probably really mean of me, but I just don't want to. I'm working full time and I have a generally busy life, but also I just don't want the pressure of being the person who has to resolve this stranger's loneliness. I've only met her that once when he brought her out to meet me, but I have bumped into him loads of times as he's gone out to work, gardening or he's going for a run. I only ever see her sat at her living room window staring out. It feels like I've been earmarked to resolve the issue of her never going out.

I want to very politely shut this down as I don't want to have to vaguely keep saying things like "work is full on at the moment" every time he brings it up because I think that's not going at stop him asking me, particularly when restrictions are lifted.

Any ideas please? (Or am I just a horrible person??)

@Nearly47

As other said a cup of tea won't cost you nothing. If gets too much you can always say no.

As another poster said - RTFT!

I wasn't talking to OP. I was talking to everyone judging.

But if the truth hurts you then go ahead and paint me the bad guy to make yourself feel better.

It's quite clear what's wrong with you.

@AlTempleton

You dont get to tell me where I can and cant post

I'm flummoxed by this one I have to say! I mean, surely it was obvious I was joking when I said only people who like dogs, cakes, running and daffodils are allowed to post on here?

You were joking?

Oh.

@alreadytaken

I dont do running, not wild about dogs, dont eat much cake, but would be annoyed if I cut my daffs and they were rejected. See - read your updates but not the comments that provoked them. You dont get to tell me where I can and cant post.

Maybe she's read this thread, recognised herself and decided she definitely doesnt want to know you.

Watches the Point flying over @alreadytaken's head.

I'm not reading anymore on here so rant away.

You lot are awful, I know I'm in the right here and I know that one day you will need help, and I know you'll remember this post

Very strange behaviour from the husband.

There could be some kind of controlling behaviour going on there.

Sorry that you've received nasty comments. You sound like a lovely person.

@thatsgotit

OK, this isn't aimed at any specific post or poster, but I just want to offer something up. Isn't it time that we as women interrogated this cutesy little term 'pop' a little?

Women are forever being told it 'should' be no trouble to pop here, pop there, pop everybloodywhere, usually for the benefit of others. And all I can think is... men, not so much. Because even in the 2020s, men's time is generally more respected than women's, so if a man says he doesn't have time for something, he doesn't face this barrage of 'oh, but it'd only take a minute to pop over...' etc etc.

I may sound like I'm being paranoid, but in all honesty I can't remember the last time I ever heard of a man being exhorted to pop over the road with a pie because the new neighbours might be lonely, let alone being made to feel like a big ol' meanie when they don't comply because they have more important calls on their time.

It's something we as a society do a lot - women are forever being asked to 'pop' here and there, and being guilt-tripped if we don't. Just saying.

True story! It's enough to make me pop.

@MadMadaMim, didn't mean to gang up on you. You did sound a wee bit stroppy, that's all 😘

Oh that’s a shame that the thread is going, OP!
We had a similar situation — at least with a non-English speaking wife and busy husband.
As I’m very lovely (!!) I did have her round for the most excruciating couple of hours of stilted non-conversation.
She never reciprocated. So that was that, when she left she gave me lovely presents. It was all very strange.

@Therarestone

I'm not reading anymore on here so rant away.

You lot are awful, I know I'm in the right here and I know that one day you will need help, and I know you'll remember this post

People weren't ranting. You made what you may or may not have realised was a spectacularly misjudged comment based on something personal and difficult the OP shared earlier. Someone pointed out what it was and you chose not to apologise even if you hadn't realised what you did at first. Instead you posted this. How shitty of you. I held of mentioning what youd said as I thought you might not have made the connection and didn't want you to feel piled upon. Because I'm decent. Maybe try practicing the kindness you'd like from others yourself and apologise for the comment?

*held off not of

We love you, OP. Please come back soon. Thanks for the laughs and good luck with the neighbours. And roll on next year, more daffodils.

These posters who bang on about "be kind" while being total cunts need to get their own houses in order!

@thatsgotit so true!

@VettiyaIruken

These posters who bang on about "be kind" while being total cunts need to get their own houses in order!

Yes! The hypocrisy of spouting bile at the poster whilst lecturing on the need to be kind is breathtaking.

I would also go and have that cup of tea once allowed.
Never hurts to be kind and you might need these neighbours one day you never know. If you don't click I would leave it at that with some friendly advice on where to meet local people, language classes etc.

Allowed by whom @whittingtonmum - the husband who shut the door in the OPs face when she went round bearing daffodils and an invitation?

OP well you could have at least offered to go and have a cup of tea with her that’s not asking much is it? .....Ha ha! Just kidding! Shame we won’t get to find out the next update if the thread gets deleted, but I’m sure it will all work out ok in the end! 😘xx

@Therarestone

I'm not reading anymore on here so rant away.

You lot are awful, I know I'm in the right here and I know that one day you will need help, and I know you'll remember this post

@Therarestone we'll remember your contributions for all the wrong reasons. You still have no idea what people have been calling you out on, do you?

Being the foreigner myself who speak no perfect English. It is always other foreigner mums who wanted to be friends with me at the babies and toddlers groups (sadly there wasn't many where I live). It's difficult to be friends with someone who you don't speak in the same tone - I understand that.

You made an effort for them - you are already doing a lot better than most people in my opinion!

Do you know if there's any spanish speaker mums group near your area?

her husband is clearly desperately trying to help her

So desperately that he can't take time out of his hobbies to do go out with her and delegates the task to the nearest woman.

OP: I was with you on inviting both of them for a neighbourly coffee and cake but since he refused I'm mildly curious as to whether he asked his wife before refusing the invite or if he asked his wife her thoughts on you visiting her?

I wouldn't assume the wife wants baby groups either - has he asked her what she would like to do? Made time for her to go running or pursue an interest?

Bit of a twat if not.

OP, you are very good fun, and I wish you lived next door to me.

Sorry to read your last post, OP. I think you've been a legend on this thread.
Some posters need to hang their fucking heads in shame!

Can I sneak into your club before you go? I don't like running, but I love cake x 2.

I've only read your green updates and I was sad to see the last one that things have turned nasty again.

MN is so contradictory. The best and worst place in the world :-(

Please please please do update us when you next see the husband!

Op berated and abused by people head tilting at #bekind
People who conspicuously virtue signal and are just want told how kind they are

I reckon his wife knew nothing of his plans and when he told her, she flipped and told him she wasn't interested in some weird forced friendship with the neighbours.