New neighbour wants me to be friends with his wife

[AlTempleton]

New neighbours moved in a few months ago. I saw the husband not long after they had moved in and we introduced ourselves and exchanged pleasantries.

I didn't meet his wife for a while, but then about a month ago I was cleaning my car and they both came out with their baby and came over to introduce the wife. He did all the talking - told me her name, that she's a SAHP, she doesn't know anyone here - and she stood there nodding and smiling as he spoke, but not actually saying anything herself. He explained her English is limited but she'd love to make some friends, she's very lonely at home alone when he's out at work, and that I should go round for tea with her once restrictions are over. I said something noncommittal like "that's very kind" and left it at that and didn't think anything more of it.

However I've just bumped into him again, this time on his own, while I was coming back from walking my dog, and he reminded me about having tea with his wife and reiterated again how lonely she is. He also said we can go in each other's gardens from next week. I said something like, oh well work's very full on at the moment but thanks, that's very nice of you.

I have a feeling now though that he's not going to drop it and that he's got me lined up to be a friend for his lonely wife. This is probably really mean of me, but I just don't want to. I'm working full time and I have a generally busy life, but also I just don't want the pressure of being the person who has to resolve this stranger's loneliness. I've only met her that once when he brought her out to meet me, but I have bumped into him loads of times as he's gone out to work, gardening or he's going for a run. I only ever see her sat at her living room window staring out. It feels like I've been earmarked to resolve the issue of her never going out.

I want to very politely shut this down as I don't want to have to vaguely keep saying things like "work is full on at the moment" every time he brings it up because I think that's not going at stop him asking me, particularly when restrictions are lifted.

Any ideas please? (Or am I just a horrible person??)

@AlTempleton

Okay, this is my thread and I get to set the rules from now on. Obviously I don't care if you're offended by this as I'm dead inside anyway and have literally no empathy.

ONLY people who like dogs, running, daffodils and cake can post from now on. You HAVE to like all four items or you're out. I just cannot get along with anyone with any other life set-up in all honesty.

I like your style, OP.

Kudos also to the PP who mentioned the cardboard cutout scenario, which immediately bought to mind Norman Bate's mother in Pyscho

Also the collection of wives, which has given me a great idea for a creepy short story!

Also the collection of wives, which has given me a great idea for a creepy short story!

Bluebeard 2!

Op you sound great. I like dogs, cake and daffodils. I used to run but haven’t for some time now. 😆

I'm allergic to dogs. flounce

@MarieIVanArkleStinks

Also the collection of wives, which has given me a great idea for a creepy short story!

Bluebeard 2!

Absolutely!

What kind of cake?

@allScratchyback any cake at all - I'm not going to discriminate. Except for coffee cake actually.

@LittleMissNaice you can stay. It's not ideal but I suppose it's not your fault you're allergic to dogs. Could you just try harder not to get allergies around dogs maybe? Perhaps you just need to put more effort in.

@LittleMissNaice

I'm allergic to dogs. flounce

*@Onlinedilema* Ex runners are okay. You can stay. Congratulations!

Oh dear - now I'm quoting the wrong posts Never mind, you get the drift.

Why have you spent the weekend faffing about on MN instead of taking an intensive Spanish language course ?

Selfish.

#Putyourwholeselfoutshakeitallabout

Well I like dogs, running and daffodils but not cake, only biscuits, so I'm not sure I can deal with you lot.

What! I can't believe you are being so coffeecakeist. I had every sympathy with you until then. I'm out

@AlTempleton it was meeeee who mentioned the cardboard cutout, and gin and wine, which you were happy to accept, but not me at the time, but you’ve decided that I’m cool enough now, huh? HUH???
Fair enough... what time?

I think husband is worried about her- might have to be away from her during the day to work? She's isolated and lonely. The UK is the worst place in the world to need neighbours- unless they are just like you.

i dont like running op but youre still ok-sorry didnt see your reply earlier we're not all vipers on here no

I’m sorry but I can’t understand why on earth it’s the OPs job to research about baby groups and go “armed with info”. Yes say hi and have a quick chat in passing but unless you have common interests (other than buying houses on the same street ) why would they be friends? I’m neighbourly (ie take in parcels, say hello etc but I’m not mates with my neighbours as have nothing in common with them). Husband is just palming off his wife when he should be helping her. Why is he going on off runs etc on his own leaving her at home, he should be taking her for walks with the baby and encouraging her to join baby groups etc

Of course you don't have to, but could you not try?

Have her over for a cup of tea in the garden, see if you can strike up some sort of rapport. Keep your boundaries, but just try to be a little kind?

I feel for the poor neighbour but it isn't your responsibility OP if you're not feeling it but surely one cuppa couldn't harm, you can always say you've left something in the oven if you want to leave lol x

Have a cup of tea now and then. Always pays to be on good terms with your neighbours. You don’t have to be more than kindly acquaintances. If you need to frame it in terms of what do you get out of it well you never know when you might need a hand yourself. My elderly neighbour was really hard work at times and I was super busy so I resented his demands at times (and had to be firm about my time boundaries) but when emergency lifts were needed for the kids, the prescription needed collecting from doctors when I broke my shoulder or the boiler blew up in middle of a snowstorm he was the one who helped me out and he was glad to. If you’re too busy you can’t be kind to a lonely person then that’s really sad. Her husband must be worried about her. It’s a compliment to you that he trusts you enough to ask.

Have a cuppa , be kind to them.

You are not responsible for her happiness, but on the other hand her situation must be pretty isolating, and you could do a light bit of digging to give her some pointers/numbers/group names where she might be welcome? Not sure it’s kind to do nothing...

This thread is inching towards Classics.

(Is that sycophantic enough?)

It seems pretty obvious to me that this man is actually worried about his wife and their baby - and the most likely reason is post natal depression. I think its depressing how so many women here think it's just funny!?
OP - have you actually asked him if everything is OK - how she is managing? Do you know this is not the case?

YOU COULD BE KIND BY READING THE FULL FUCKING THREAD BEFORE ADDING YOUR TUPPENCE WORTH! WE’RE OVER 600 REPLIES IN NOW!

Be kind and informative and leave it at that. Dont get involved. Am sure there’ll be Facebook groups she can join in her language