New neighbour wants me to be friends with his wife

[AlTempleton]

New neighbours moved in a few months ago. I saw the husband not long after they had moved in and we introduced ourselves and exchanged pleasantries.

I didn't meet his wife for a while, but then about a month ago I was cleaning my car and they both came out with their baby and came over to introduce the wife. He did all the talking - told me her name, that she's a SAHP, she doesn't know anyone here - and she stood there nodding and smiling as he spoke, but not actually saying anything herself. He explained her English is limited but she'd love to make some friends, she's very lonely at home alone when he's out at work, and that I should go round for tea with her once restrictions are over. I said something noncommittal like "that's very kind" and left it at that and didn't think anything more of it.

However I've just bumped into him again, this time on his own, while I was coming back from walking my dog, and he reminded me about having tea with his wife and reiterated again how lonely she is. He also said we can go in each other's gardens from next week. I said something like, oh well work's very full on at the moment but thanks, that's very nice of you.

I have a feeling now though that he's not going to drop it and that he's got me lined up to be a friend for his lonely wife. This is probably really mean of me, but I just don't want to. I'm working full time and I have a generally busy life, but also I just don't want the pressure of being the person who has to resolve this stranger's loneliness. I've only met her that once when he brought her out to meet me, but I have bumped into him loads of times as he's gone out to work, gardening or he's going for a run. I only ever see her sat at her living room window staring out. It feels like I've been earmarked to resolve the issue of her never going out.

I want to very politely shut this down as I don't want to have to vaguely keep saying things like "work is full on at the moment" every time he brings it up because I think that's not going at stop him asking me, particularly when restrictions are lifted.

Any ideas please? (Or am I just a horrible person??)

Bit of a tangent - remember those trolls throwing hate comments at Greta Thunberg in Bristol - one of them had a #BeKind twitter banner on them....

Sorry I missed the update where he rejected the kind invitation and the flowers. Duty done, OP. Phew. You are not a nasty person and have gone farther in the way of friendship that I would have done. If he now continues to pester you then there is a sinister caste to the matter.

I think actively keeping an eye is a good thing where abuse of some kind may be involved. Not for direct action but to contact social services etc if concerned.

Wow at your update OP! What a plot twist...

I wonder if his wife reads MumsNet? Or the husband?? Just baffling that they would decline your invitation and not even take the flowers without any sort of explanation.

Please keep updating!

Maybe the wife in the window is really a cardboard cut out like they have at the movies... Perhaps she really is dead. I think you need to get the Scooby and the rest of the gang together and investigate!

Meanwhile, it doesn’t sound like the wife is any more interested in hiring you as a friend as you are in befriending her. If my DH was constantly harping on about me going to have a cup of tea with the lovely lady next door, I’d be digging my heels in and wanting them both to choke on their beverages as a matter of principal.

Good god if I have to read one more post that says "be KIND" on this thread, I think I'll have to go and bang my head against the wall for a while.

Go for tea.

Laugh hysterically at random then stare off into the corner.

Repeat a few times.

They will actively avoid you.

He's a piece of work.
Avoid.

@Sprining

I somehow think new neighbour and his wife will be steering well clear of OP and her DH.

So OP can bask in her ‘kindness’ and not have to worry about being put out. And other posters can backslap and congratulate her for ‘standing her ground’ against a foreign neighbour and his non-English speaking wife

This is a communication issue. It can be awkward making friends with new people as it is, and if you throw in obligations, a pushy husband and a language barrier in there as well, it doesn't make a great start, does it.

Sounds like something of the nightmare neighbours program.

You need to cultivate the air of "busy busy must get on/cant stop now" and how to dismiss people by your attitude.

If he accosts you again while out alone get DH to go round (accompanied by burly mate) and instruct him to "stop pestering my wife because I don't like it".

@Alcemeg

How can you be sure the woman at the window was his wife, and not some other poor soul he has lured round to "meet his wife"?!?

He might have a whole collection of them in there.

I actually laughed out loud and woke my husband up! (Sorry I know that's the equivalent of spitting out my tea)

If you don't start it you haven't got it to stop. Sounds like you gave a full life already and certainly aren't responsible for this stranger's happiness. If you see them both out and about be friendly, invite them when you are also havi g other neighbours round otherwise don't get involved.

Thank God you are not my neighbour..You sound very mean and condescending.

@Woolwichgirl

Thank God you are not my neighbour..You sound very mean and condescending.

Have you rtft?

Have just binge read this thread and have loved your updates OP. PLEASE let us know what happens next! (Ps. I'd like to be your friend too- you sound like my kind of person!)

*How can you be sure the woman at the window was his wife, and not some other poor soul he has lured round to "meet his wife"?!?

He might have a whole collection of them in there.*

😂😂😂😂

OP how mean of you...daffodils are clearly disrespectful to Spaniards.

Oh Lordy this thread is nuts. The OP clearly said she didn't want to make friends with this woman. Whatever her reasons, that is her choice. She only asked for advice on how to nip it in the bud.

Ignore the haters OP, you do you x

Excellent boundaries and sense of humour op. No thank you to your kind gesture of tea and cake unless I can just drop my husband off as I don’t want friends. I’m busy. And your husband can’t be there as I only like my husband to socialise with one person. Ever. And you’re it.

Can’t someone contact SpanGran to help out? Or was that a troll?

@Woolwichgirl

Thank God you are not my neighbour..You sound very mean and condescending.

Be kind.

@cerealgamechanger

Have just binge read this thread and have loved your updates OP. PLEASE let us know what happens next! (Ps. I'd like to be your friend too- you sound like my kind of person!)

Thank you

Wow, some of these replies!!! Surely it wouldn't hurt you to pop in when you are able to and talk to her. Let's hope you never find yourself in a similar situation OP and find no-one wants to bother with you.

Wow, some of these replies!!! Surely it wouldn't hurt you to pop in when you are able to and talk to her. Let's hope you never find yourself in a similar situation OP and find no-one wants to bother with you.

🤦🏻‍♀️

@eaglejulesk

Wow, some of these replies!!! Surely it wouldn't hurt you to pop in when you are able to and talk to her. Let's hope you never find yourself in a similar situation OP and find no-one wants to bother with you.

If you see the posts highlighted in green dotted throughout the thread, those are all my updates. It gives you an easy way to just read my posts rather than the other 400-odd posts. I appreciate there are a lot of posts on this thread and you were probably just really keen to get your comment in! Anyway, if you do that, you'll see that yesterday I did "pop in".