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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

I think he’s using me

152 replies

Sbnlala · 19/03/2021 18:17

Background story - we just got back in contact 2 days ago. I dated him for 2 months, he went ghost.. he got back in contact like nothing had happened. Always talks about sex, says I’m his, says my flower is his etc etc. He is expecting a child from another woman in a few months.

Yesterday I met up with him, we was in the car he said he’s gona trap me with a baby now I don’t know if he was joking or not. But we was at his, I’m on my period and was in a lot of pain but we was kissing etc then he wanted me to finish him orally I said no my belly was hurting but he kept asking saying he’s nearly done and the thing that stuck with me was that he said I’m not asking u to use ur belly use ur mouth as it’s not hurting. I got angry walked out, was about to call an Uber then I remembered my house keys were in his car so I had to go back in. And he kept saying sorry then he said it’s a good sign when a woman cries. I think he was implying that it means I care about him 🤯 he then went onto saying ur crying bc ur belly hurts, I thought u was joking. But I had mentioned I was in pain a few times before we arranged to meet.

Do you guys think he’s using me?

OP posts:
Pinkflipflop85 · 20/03/2021 13:24

🤮🤮🤮

FinallyFluid · 20/03/2021 13:24

How old are you ?

Lovelydiscusfish · 20/03/2021 13:27

@FinallyFluid

How old are you ?
She’s in her early 20s (I think she said - unless I have got confused). And I don’t think it’s helpful to be mean to her - I think she’s being manipulated and abused by a really quite sinister and predatory man.....

Because when you get to the point where you think these behaviours are acceptable, often that’s because someone has REALLY done a number on you, and you can’t really think or see straight any more.......

FinallyFluid · 20/03/2021 13:27

Just saw that you are both in your twenties, I would have put the farm on the answer being sixteen.

FinallyFluid · 20/03/2021 13:28

@Lovelydiscusfish

Fair point.

SandyY2K · 20/03/2021 14:22

basically he said my vagina and my bum are his forever

Did this statement make you happy?

This man doesn't care about you one bit. He has no respect for you or other women. He sees women as being there for his service and sexual gratification.

Men like him don't deserve a woman in their lives. Giving him the time of day is a big mistake and you need to cut him out of your life, because only one person will get hurt and it's not going to be him.

First step is too block him.

imalmostthere · 20/03/2021 14:55

The whole thing is like a 15 year old wrote it.
My vagina and bum are his forever? Nah, come on ffs.

TheChip · 20/03/2021 15:01

You want to end it but feel like you're missing out on something, and will just go back when you're bored.

Youre using him and he is using you. Either crack on and stop moaning about the shitshow you're accepting, or move on.

Lovelydiscusfish · 20/03/2021 15:18

[quote Sbnlala]@JackieWeaverFever basically he said my vagina and my bum are his forever 🥴[/quote]
Well, some people use this type of language in a sexual context. Man might say “MY vagina”. Etc. It’s just a trope - a slightly BDSM thing. If you are in to it and it’s a consensual fun relationship it’s cool. Tho he should also describe his cock as “yours”. In my honest opinion. If that is the game you are playing.

This one isn’t playing that game tho, it doesn’t sound like.....

OP, have you spoken to him much about consent. And also, how clear are you on consent yourself? I totally don’t mean that to sound patronising - it’s just that you are pretty young - lucky you! - and I wasn’t all that clear about issues of consent at your age myself.....

A good man will value your consent above all other things. Whatever you agree to do, whatever words you are happy to use between you during sex, the moment you say you don’t want to continue he should fucking snap out of it, instantly. A man who doesn’t do this is an evil dick. Xxx

Reinventinganna · 20/03/2021 16:00

You deserve more @Sbnlala can’t you see that?

PussGirl · 20/03/2021 16:24

Yuck!!!! You can do better than this utter creep. Impossible to do worse I'd say.

If anyone started telling me my private parts were theirs for ever I'd laugh in their face then tell them to sling their hook.

Gingernaut · 20/03/2021 16:49

How old are you OP?

You sound too young to be in any kind of sexual relationship.

You have been groomed.

Lovelydiscusfish · 20/03/2021 17:02

@Gingernaut

How old are you OP?

You sound too young to be in any kind of sexual relationship.

You have been groomed.

She’s in her early 20s. Leave her alone! It’s the dick-head abuser’s fault - not her’s!
herecomestreble · 20/03/2021 17:06

Walk away, block him and get yourself an STD test.

RootyT00t · 20/03/2021 17:07

Whether he's using you or not is irrelevant.

He's a piece of shit. Bin.

Livelovebehappy · 20/03/2021 18:50

He sounds vile, but I really think we’re wasting our time advising you to ditch him. You sound like you’re so much into him, that you don’t want to leave him, and don’t see what we see. I hope your eyes do open to what he is, and that you find the strength to get rid of him. Maybe you’re not at that stage yet.

MarshmallowAra · 20/03/2021 19:03

[quote Sbnlala]@JackieWeaverFever basically he said my vagina and my bum are his forever 🥴[/quote]
Your vagina and bum are yours, and only yours ; end of story.

He doesn't get to claim the use of anyone's vagina or bum for any amount of time/full stop.

If a woman chooses to have sex with him, that's up to her; bit with his attitude I wouldn't be having sex with him or seeing him .. he's already got a pregnant ex, and his attitude to women and sex sounds possessive, a big psycho actually, and pushy,rape-h actually.

He sounds like he has a lot of weird ideas and thinks of women as his posessions.

Well you're no-one's possession; and j would avoid any man who thought you are like the plague.

You're very young and there'll be lots of opportunities to meet other guys who aren't freaks like he sounds (and who don't have babies with exes in their early twenties).

That young ... To have a baby on the way woman you're not even with ... Doesn't bode well.

MarshmallowAra · 20/03/2021 19:06

Oh and look up oxytocin - if you spend time with, especially if you have sexual contact with someone : you'll get attached. You need to stop in order to detach.

It'll be unpleasant for a bit but it'll be really worth it.

MarshmallowAra · 20/03/2021 19:20

Oh and "your pussy is mine", "your ass is mine" etc. is straight out of a lot of porn.

That sort of idea/script is common in the BDSM.community and found its way into mainstream porn.

It suggests he watches loads of porn, and thinks he can act like he's in a porn film.

He's not a good potential boyfriend. He's just an arsehole who watches too much porn and thinks he'll set his life up like a porno if he finds women gullible enough to go along with it.

RootyT00t · 20/03/2021 19:30

Yeah, I had an ex who thought my vagina was his and it was his right.

No.

YoniAndGuy · 20/03/2021 20:23

Seriously though how on earth can you ‘like’ a piece of shit like this?!

There’s nothing here except stuff to literally want to vomit at the thought of.

youvegottenminuteslynn · 20/03/2021 20:29

@MarshmallowAra

Oh and "your pussy is mine", "your ass is mine" etc. is straight out of a lot of porn.

That sort of idea/script is common in the BDSM.community and found its way into mainstream porn.

It suggests he watches loads of porn, and thinks he can act like he's in a porn film.

He's not a good potential boyfriend. He's just an arsehole who watches too much porn and thinks he'll set his life up like a porno if he finds women gullible enough to go along with it.

Yep. Increasingly common now and depressingly accepted that women are expected to enjoy being property to be owned / degraded.

Oh and I bet he's obsessed with anal too.

WisnaeMe · 20/03/2021 20:32

therefore, in answer to the Thread Title OP, YES he IS using you 🌺

Kattenzz · 20/03/2021 20:34

He sounds disgusting.

Wallywobbles · 20/03/2021 20:41

Christ almighty that is so disturbing. Do you enjoy the kind of sex he wants? Or do you have the idea that that's normal. I fucking hate anal sex. Your bum is mine would have dried up my vagina for EVER. I bet you both think deep throat blow jobs are normal too?

I despair. Relationships are not based on porn. Sex is not porn. Please please please get a handle on yourself and some self respect. He is the cock cheese of the planet.