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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

I think he’s using me

152 replies

Sbnlala · 19/03/2021 18:17

Background story - we just got back in contact 2 days ago. I dated him for 2 months, he went ghost.. he got back in contact like nothing had happened. Always talks about sex, says I’m his, says my flower is his etc etc. He is expecting a child from another woman in a few months.

Yesterday I met up with him, we was in the car he said he’s gona trap me with a baby now I don’t know if he was joking or not. But we was at his, I’m on my period and was in a lot of pain but we was kissing etc then he wanted me to finish him orally I said no my belly was hurting but he kept asking saying he’s nearly done and the thing that stuck with me was that he said I’m not asking u to use ur belly use ur mouth as it’s not hurting. I got angry walked out, was about to call an Uber then I remembered my house keys were in his car so I had to go back in. And he kept saying sorry then he said it’s a good sign when a woman cries. I think he was implying that it means I care about him 🤯 he then went onto saying ur crying bc ur belly hurts, I thought u was joking. But I had mentioned I was in pain a few times before we arranged to meet.

Do you guys think he’s using me?

OP posts:
Kattenzz · 20/03/2021 12:15

Fucking hell.

Come on op, don't be daft.

updownroundandround · 20/03/2021 12:20

@Sbnlala

For fks sake, pick your self worth OFF the floor and tell him to piss off, then block him !!

Promise yourself you'll never let another human being treat you so badly again !

updownroundandround · 20/03/2021 12:23

@Sbnlala

he wouldn’t stop kissing and following me round my bedroom asking for sex

This is what a bloody dog in heat would do ! It's NOT a good thing !
It's showing that he only wants you for sex and couldn't give a rats arse about you any other time !

Gingernaut · 20/03/2021 12:27

Block him on all media

Get therapy.

Your self esteem is through the floor.

You deserve better than this scum

CandyLeBonBon · 20/03/2021 12:29

@Sbnlala

He wasn’t like this when we first got together, he was so nice even though the first time I ever seen him he wouldn’t stop kissing and following me round my bedroom asking for sex.

He’s promised me he’ll start seeing me more now and that we’ll go on holiday this summer.

And you're ok with that? Ffs op. Confused
Sbnlala · 20/03/2021 12:30

Why can’t I see that he’s using me, I briefly explained my situation to a work colleague and she said the exact same thing as all of you.

I think I just want to believe he likes me 😕 and we’re both early 20’s - same age

OP posts:
FoonySpucker · 20/03/2021 12:30

@Sbnlala

I dont know if he actually genuinely likes me or if he’s pretending he does for sex
FFS - have you actually read any of the responses?

Nobody has or is going to say that he genuinely likes you however many times you ask the same question.

Sbnlala · 20/03/2021 12:31

He also takes me out and buys me stuff and I did mention to him that he doesn’t even like me and he said he wouldn’t have taken me out or shopping if he didn’t... I guess that’s where my belief of maybe he does like me comes from

OP posts:
JackieWeaverFever · 20/03/2021 12:32

What did I just read????

He sounds awful - how do you even like him. He sounds like an arsehole. He is mean to you and happy when you cry.

Who cares if "he likes you" you wouldn't like him. He is vile.

RUN. RUN. RUN.
Block all his details and get as far away from him as possible.

Ps. my flower is his what the hell does this even mean?

Sbnlala · 20/03/2021 12:32

@FoonySpucker I’m reading them all and trying to take everything on board.. it’s like a battle between my common sense and my heart

OP posts:
Kelly345 · 20/03/2021 12:32

@Sbnlala

Why can’t I see that he’s using me, I briefly explained my situation to a work colleague and she said the exact same thing as all of you.

I think I just want to believe he likes me 😕 and we’re both early 20’s - same age

If this is someone who likes you, how would you expect a person who doesn't 'like' you to treat you?
JackieWeaverFever · 20/03/2021 12:33

*You shouldn't

Sbnlala · 20/03/2021 12:34

@JackieWeaverFever basically he said my vagina and my bum are his forever 🥴

OP posts:
Kelly345 · 20/03/2021 12:39

[quote Sbnlala]@JackieWeaverFever basically he said my vagina and my bum are his forever 🥴[/quote]
Did you tell him he will be a c@nt forever?

youvegottenminuteslynn · 20/03/2021 12:41

[quote Sbnlala]@FoonySpucker I’m reading them all and trying to take everything on board.. it’s like a battle between my common sense and my heart[/quote]
Except it's not is it? Because your heart isn't happy either. It's bruised and sad and anxious and insecure. Because you're seeing a bellend who thinks of you as disposable property to pick up and put down.

You need to be an adult here and make decisions that keep you safe. He is bad for your mental health.

At some point you have to take responsibility for the decision to keep seeing someone like him.

Read up on the shark cage analogy and try some counselling. Could change your life and improve your future.

Mummacake · 20/03/2021 12:42

Op stay as far away from this piece of scum as you can unless your goal in life is to be treated like dirt, used for sex then discarded when something else comes along. Have some self respect, another woman is having his child and he's sleeping around - you know you're not the only one don't you? Red flags over the place on 'trapping you with a baby' & comments about your genitals being 'his'. There's nothing nice about this so called man. He's an abuser. I strongly suggest that you do the freedom program so you understand his behaviours.

siyhack58342 · 20/03/2021 12:43

[quote Sbnlala]@JackieWeaverFever basically he said my vagina and my bum are his forever 🥴[/quote]
Do you think that's romantic or something? Because it's really not. It's very creepy, possessive and disgusting. He thinks you are just a bum and a vag, not even a real human, just holes.

WisnaeMe · 20/03/2021 12:46

[quote Sbnlala]@JackieWeaverFever basically he said my vagina and my bum are his forever 🥴[/quote]

He throws some gifts at you occasionally therefore he has purchased it so owns if like he owns shoes or socks ?

Well1000 · 20/03/2021 12:50

He is a vile piece of crap but are you any better? You know he is having a baby with someone else, so how do you think you are any better than him?
Get some self respect and stop being so desperate. You seem to be enjoying his 'compliments'.

Sbnlala · 20/03/2021 12:53

@Well1000 he said the woman is his ex. I have never thought of myself as better than him in any way ever.

OP posts:
CattyCactus · 20/03/2021 12:53

[quote Sbnlala]@JackieWeaverFever basically he said my vagina and my bum are his forever 🥴[/quote]
I’m so glad romance isn’t dead.

Op, this man is not going to stick around.
You have evidence of that already.

  • He’s ghosted you before.
  • Another woman is having his baby.

He will be off before you can say “Fuck me, he’s a vile waste of space.”

I also present you with the following:

  • anyone who says “your flower will be mine forever” should automatically make your vagina clamp together so tightly / make you run for the hills / make you want to vomit. This is not a good thing.
  • following you round your room for sex like a dog / teenaged boy on heat is not a good thing.
  • being with him because you’re bored is not a good thing

You need to improve your self-worth / self-esteem and boot this dirt bag away. Block him on everything and don’t crumble. You can do this, because you are worth it.

FabulousMeOhYes · 20/03/2021 12:55

Girl, give yourself a shake and set your standards much higher.

AttilaTheMeerkat · 20/03/2021 13:01

What did you learn about relationships when you were growing up?.

What happened to you that you are now at such a low point in your life?.

I would certainly recommend you speak with a therapist because you are vulnerable and thus so very attractive for an abuser like this individual to use and otherwise abuse.

WisnaeMe · 20/03/2021 13:03

He is treating you like a prostitute, can you not see this ?

Sailor2009 · 20/03/2021 13:20

My flower is his??
You'd need the jaws of life to get my legs open if my partner ever said that to me Envy