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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

I think he’s using me

152 replies

Sbnlala · 19/03/2021 18:17

Background story - we just got back in contact 2 days ago. I dated him for 2 months, he went ghost.. he got back in contact like nothing had happened. Always talks about sex, says I’m his, says my flower is his etc etc. He is expecting a child from another woman in a few months.

Yesterday I met up with him, we was in the car he said he’s gona trap me with a baby now I don’t know if he was joking or not. But we was at his, I’m on my period and was in a lot of pain but we was kissing etc then he wanted me to finish him orally I said no my belly was hurting but he kept asking saying he’s nearly done and the thing that stuck with me was that he said I’m not asking u to use ur belly use ur mouth as it’s not hurting. I got angry walked out, was about to call an Uber then I remembered my house keys were in his car so I had to go back in. And he kept saying sorry then he said it’s a good sign when a woman cries. I think he was implying that it means I care about him 🤯 he then went onto saying ur crying bc ur belly hurts, I thought u was joking. But I had mentioned I was in pain a few times before we arranged to meet.

Do you guys think he’s using me?

OP posts:
SaltedCaramelIcedLatte · 19/03/2021 22:05

You clearly are not missing out on anything! Block him and move on FFS

Sbnlala · 19/03/2021 22:53

Guys I know I’ve been very stupid. I don’t know how to end it with him though as I’ll just go back to him when I’m bored

OP posts:
Changemaname1 · 19/03/2021 22:56

Please look at ways to improve your self esteem .

This isn’t even a case of just letting someone back in who had drifted away
The guy sounds like a disgusting prick
Also about to have a baby with someone else
Doesn’t respect you’re boundaries regarding sex

Wtf . Block and never speak to the prick again

CandyLeBonBon · 19/03/2021 23:02

Do you really needs to ask? Confused

imalmostthere · 19/03/2021 23:02

@Sbnlala

Guys I know I’ve been very stupid. I don’t know how to end it with him though as I’ll just go back to him when I’m bored
Go back when you're bored? Confused How about don't? I mean this as kindly as I can op, but you need to grow up a bit. I'll go back when I'm bored is teenage level excuses. Just dump him, block him and move on ffs.
SoulofanAggron · 19/03/2021 23:26

He's so creepy, he's dangerous- it's not funny for him to say he might get you pregnant.

Block him.

I don’t know how to end it with him though as I’ll just go back to him when I’m bored

There are no real plus points to him and a lot of negatives and pitfalls.

Block him on everything and it's quite easy to keep away. Keep reminding yourself of how hurtfully he's treated you.

Get an interest so you have stuff to entertain you.

Lampan · 19/03/2021 23:32

I actually physically recoiled at the word ‘flower’ in your OP. Yuck yuck yuck 🤢

He sounds absolutely vile. Please choose your self-respect and not him. If you don’t end things I promise you will regret it in the future.

EarthSight · 19/03/2021 23:42

Not a question of 'using' - he's unempathic, self-serving, asshole. If he's like this at the beginning, God only knows what he'll be like weeks, months or years down the line. Expecting a blow job when you have period pain, when you're not feeling well???? Please don't see him again. He sounds horrible.

EarthSight · 19/03/2021 23:44

Also, if you think you'll go back to him just because you're're bored, then God help you. I don't think anyone here can.

WisnaeMe · 19/03/2021 23:46

So it's been 2 days and you're already in his car 'finishing' him off, by whatever means, he doesn't care that you feel unwell but you must finish him off.

Despite him ghosting you, having a child due anytime with another woman?

If there was someone in need of immediate therapy OP its You. 🌺

Happyd · 19/03/2021 23:47

He's a pig !, go ghost , block him on EVERYTHING .. you do no need this in your life you deserve more

Blacktothepink · 19/03/2021 23:59

Urgh...he’s awful

youvegottenminuteslynn · 20/03/2021 00:02

@Sbnlala

Guys I know I’ve been very stupid. I don’t know how to end it with him though as I’ll just go back to him when I’m bored
Would you rather be bored or be used / demeaned / belittled / disrespected? If those things are preferable to being bored then just keep doing what you're doing.

Otherwise, start adulting and stop speaking to such an utter, utter cunt. No contact at all.

I would suggest you work on yourself and have some counselling to work out why you're seeing someone who behaves this way, so you can build up some coping mechanisms to avoid it happening again with him or someone else.

And if you really can't be arsed to do that (something that could stop you being in shit relationships now or in future) then go on tinder and speak to people on there. Go for dates. He isn't the only alternative to being bored!

It's not 'be bored' versus 'fuck / toss off a dickhead who has repeatedly treated you like shit'. There's a middle ground, a grey area. Go there instead.

Workinghardeveryday · 20/03/2021 00:06

Your just lonely, you want someone, you don’t actually want ‘him’. What a dick he sounds seriously!!!

Hold your head high, do not be meeting him, I mean who even happily expects a bj of a woman in that situation especially when you said you have tummy ache!!

Flower as much as it might hurt your feelings, he is totally using you! You know it really. You can do so much better! What is so special about him you would let him treat and disrespect you like that?!! Seriously, move on and forget him, what a using knob he really is and you know it deep down xx

Ilady · 20/03/2021 00:28

He sounds horrible in so many ways. He already got another woman pregnant a few months ago. I would not be surprised if he had other children. I think he is meeting up with you because he wants sex's and blow jobs. You told him you did not feel like giving him a bj and he does not want to take no for an answer.
He talks about getting you pregnant when he already has a baby on the way with another woman. Does he think he great getting woman pregnant. I can guarantee he won't be around much to help out his baby's mother and he be slow to pay maintenance as well.
My advice is tell him it's over, block up on all social media and on your phone.
Once you heard that he is having a baby with another woman in the next few months I would have walked away.

I get an sti check because you don't know who he has been with.
You need to realise that you deserve better than this horrible individual.

WisnaeMe · 20/03/2021 00:44

I do wonder how many 'women' he has on speed dial for a drive through Blow Job 🤔

He's a disrespectful creep but if women keep accommodating him, he'll just hit up the next number on the list 😳

TheWaif · 20/03/2021 07:47

@WisnaeMe

I do wonder how many 'women' he has on speed dial for a drive through Blow Job 🤔

He's a disrespectful creep but if women keep accommodating him, he'll just hit up the next number on the list 😳

Why have you put 'women' in quotes there?
Lovelydiscusfish · 20/03/2021 08:05

I presume he is very attractive? Some utter bastards can be.....

But he’s trouble and you know it. You are getting a hard time from some posters and that pisses me off - it’s not your fault he’s a dickhead, and you can’t help finding him sexy, and plenty of us have fallen for utter wankers in our time. I certainly have.

But this one is an absolute dick and to keep yourself safe from him you have to go NC. Block him on everything. Maybe get on OLD to distract yourself, and try and find somebody actually nice to at least chat to.... A bit of an ego boost will do you good too.

Everything is hard at the moment and it is tempting to make bad choices just out of sheer loneliness. But OP, you can do this. Get rid! It will be very empowering......

heyday · 20/03/2021 09:34

This bloke is going around to multiple women basically shagging around. Please, dump him as fast as you can ....however, if you do continue seeing him and sleep with him ensure you are using protection otherwise you will end up with this dicks child plus possibly an STI....pull a condom out of your bag and he will run a mile...i bet

ItsNotLoveActually · 20/03/2021 11:22
Biscuit
siyhack58342 · 20/03/2021 11:29

@Sbnlala

Guys I know I’ve been very stupid. I don’t know how to end it with him though as I’ll just go back to him when I’m bored
Why just cause you are bored? Dick is plentiful why go back to this creepy guy.

Your 'flower' is his 🤮🤮🤮🤮 like honestly how can you even go near him my skin is crawling.

Poppop4 · 20/03/2021 11:38

Run away as fast as you can!
He’s a creep, a piece a shit and probably riddled with STIs 🤮

If your bored get a hobby....read a book, go for a walk, paint your nails! Anything is better than giving yourself to this creep.
Your flower is his 🤮🤮 thats utterly vile!

Sbnlala · 20/03/2021 12:03

He wasn’t like this when we first got together, he was so nice even though the first time I ever seen him he wouldn’t stop kissing and following me round my bedroom asking for sex.

He’s promised me he’ll start seeing me more now and that we’ll go on holiday this summer.

OP posts:
Sbnlala · 20/03/2021 12:03

I dont know if he actually genuinely likes me or if he’s pretending he does for sex

OP posts:
siyhack58342 · 20/03/2021 12:13

But do you actually like him? And if so why? He sounds so so creepy and in your last post like he doesn't respect you at all. Why do you want to see him more? I do think he's using you but also in the sense that he just thinks women are for sex?

Honestly the thing about the blowjob and his manner around that and what he said is so creepy I don't know why you want to let him touch you ever again