So I’m 2 weeks postnatal and he’s just had a go at me that we’ve not done anything sexual..

[Coveredindaisies]

I’m gobsmacked. Apparently I make him feel invisible. I’m breastfeeding round the clock. I’m knackered. I lost my mum 2 months ago and feel down and full of grief. I thought I was doing ok: I cuddle him when I’ve finally got the baby down to sleep. I feel overwhelmed having a new baby but I’m just about keeping on top of everything. He said he runs around all day and I should want to do something for him. Sat in tears wondering whether I should be considering breaking my family up before my son even turns one month old because it turns out my husband is an arse. What would you do in my situation? All I could do when he said this to me was burst out in tears and tell him it was massively unfair. But in actual fact I genuinely feel like this is LTB stuff. Sorry for the rant. I’d just like some perspective on whether it’ll right and it is indeed outrageous.

absolutely f not!!!!

God that makes me angry to read OP what an inconsiderate selfish ass hole you’re married to.

It took me 4 months after DS to want to have sec again and DH didn’t bring it up a single time. Until around 3 months when I mentioned being ‘scared’ to do it again and then we did talk about it and he did offer solutions to ‘ease us back into item’ but there was never a selfish ‘you should be doing stuff for me regardless’

You are doing something for him OP/ feeding his child!!

I’m now 27 weeks pregnant and have felt quite uncomfortable down there (SPD) we’ve not had sex in about 12 weeks and you know what DH has asked me to do for him sexually? NOTHING because he’s not an asshole!!

Occasionally he’ll give me a lovely long foot rub which I really appreciate and in return I’ll offer him a cheeky fondle. But every time without fail he’ll say ‘you don’t have to, I don’t expect anything back from you’!

OP you deserve better xxx

OP, he's being manipulative to coerce you into sex. He's harassing you for sex.

Don't go to your mum's, kick him out.

Also, you didn't need to explain yourself. No is complete sentence.

The sooner you realise that the more empowered you'll be.

"Can we have sex?" No.
"But you're neglecting my needs" No.
"I feel invisible" No.

And when he begs to stay and tells you he'll change, just remember to say No.

What a silly useless abusive prick.

This sounds horrific. I hope u are actually ok. I dont know if u should make brash decisions though. Just let it absorb. Hav a think.
Is he suffering from pnd as this can happen to men too. Not an excuse for him but u just dont know. My husband went cold on me when he settled into fatherhood it was horrible. He was suffering from pnd the gp said.

i hope you are not married, can't see whether you mention, or not.
if not it will be easier to chuck him out.
if married, well, may have to pay him off, but you'd be better on your own.
all the best.

Absolute arsehole. I have a friend who divorced her husband for a similar thing, although it was the final nail in the coffin. He should be doing something nice for you considering you've carried his child for 9 months and been through childbirth. I had a planned c-section and we didn't have sex for 2 months afterwards and my husband didn't pester. The entitlement of this man is astounding.

Oh dear god he sounds horrific!

I would definitely be getting rid!

My ex could be an arse in many ways but on this, even when I approached him after mc and birth he was very concerned to ensure I was definitely interested and that there was no risk of his hurting or even upsetting me.

This twat only cares about his dick!!!

this is perfectly normal in brand new parents no it's not!! Check your misogyny! Even if it's internal it's definitely there. This is not how decent men treat a woman who's just given birth to their child AND lost their mum in the last 2-3 months!

If you own your home and he has no claim on it op then do not go to your mums flat, he may be able to use that against you later re the housing don't give him an inch!

The advice is to try to have sex once if you feel up to it at the 6 weeks check, I honestly don't know a single mum who did it at 2 weeks. Most left to try just before the 6 weeks and if painful had nice husbands who didn't push it. You just given birth and lost your mum. You dh should be looking after you!

I agree this is ltb. Awful. Awful. Who’s house? Kick him out if possible. Are you married?

By the 6 wek check not at it!!!!!!

You are doing something for him. You are caring for his newborn baby!

op you have my empathy

I lost my mum 7 weeks before my dd was born and her father was having an affair

give him to me for 3 minutes and ill give hi the low down on what an arse he is being

ifs he needs to stop being so self absorbed

could you tell him if he is going to be so self absorbed then he really needs to leave ? Stop his jealously over a tiny baby that needs you and start actually being a kind human being

two months and of course your feelings are normal grief - but if he carries on like this you will need help!

Your post makes me feel so angry and desperately sad for you. How dare he speak to you like this. You have lost yourMum and just had a baby. Your hormones are all over the place and you are very vulnerable. I had infected stitches after my first baby and no sex for two months. My grandad died when my ds was a few days old and I was devastated. Sex was the last thing on my mind, I hate to say this but LTB . Having children puts a massive strain on you and your husband and sex are not a priority and won’t be for a long time. He need to put you and the baby first. You don’t deserve this big unmumsnetty hugs to you.

I certainly would not be leaving my own house with a 2 week old baby. Pack him a bag and tell him to stay away until he can behave properly. This will give you some time to think and hopefully make him realise how stupid he has been. Don’t facilitate him by letting him stay at your Mum’s flat. Let home look after himself for a while.

He sounds so childish and unsupportive OP, I really feel for you. You have been through so much losing your mum and having the baby, it’s perfectly understandable you don’t feel in the mood for sex! You are definitely not being selfish! Have you spoken to any friends about this for emotional support?

Going to your mums flat may be an idea but if you own the house you are in I’d really be tempted to just ask him to leave! You and baby shouldn’t have to pack up and leave. He’s putting his needs first so don’t feel bad about doing the same for you and baby!

Time for a very serious talk Op and you need to talk, not him, he's said his piece. Make it quite clear to him that you are healing and grief stricken and that if his behaviour is his idea of supporting you and being a Father then he needs to think again. Tell him exactly how you feel and don't let him fudge the issue or try to make you feel guilty, be straight with him and tell him this is so serious that your whole realtionship is threatened. If he won't listen then I think you have your answer.

I'm very sorry for the loss of your DM, this must be a very hard time for you (flowers)

@Coveredindaisies

He got more worked up when I burst out in tears. Apparently doesn’t have to be full sex but I could at least touch him...

He can fucking touch himself. Two weeks post partum FFS, he sounds a right self centred idiot.

@PomegranateQueen

Definately take your baby to your mums if it will help you feel closer to her. I'm so sorry you have had to deal with this prick's behaviour on top of your recent loss, what a twat

How can the op do that when her mum died recently?

@speakout

Did you manage to get to my second para?

I was horrified enough reading the Op but I'm even more horrified at some of the posters saying this isn't necessarily LTB territory.

Well what the fuck is it then? Any decent human being who is with someone that has lost their mother and given birth should never be trying to coerce their partner in to a sexual act.

NO NO NO, please no one else advise the Op to have a chat when both are calmer.

Op I know you're probably up to your eyes in cracked nipples, pads, cuddles and sleep deprivation but please don't leave your house and go to your mothers place, you don't need any extra emotional burden right now.

Tell him to pack his bag and leave, then get a friend round because you can bubble up with someone now you've given birth and you do need the support, both physically and mentally. If he kicks of as I suspect he will then call the police.

Give your HV a call too and let them know all about this as well.

Oh I get it, sorry, her late mum's flat.

What a completely selfish attitude. I would be tempted to pack his bag for him. If he cant have understand for what you've been through I'd suggest clipping some pegs on his nipples, kick him cleanly in the scrotum and keep him awake for 48 hours. Then nag him for sexy time.

I think you perhaps knew the reaction you’d get to this. I’m hoping this was a one off insensitive comment, and even then it’s an inappropriate and insensitive comment.

We all make them out of frustration. This one seems particularly out of place. I didn’t have sex until I stopped BFing at 15mo as I needed to feel my body was my own again first. My husband totally supported me, but I explained it clearly first and to us, our child came first.

It boils down to what you think his priorities are, and what he’s shown you they are as a whole person, not just on one moment. SPR

Don’t leave the house. If you own it do not leave the house. Ask him to leave and then ask a friend or a relation if they can come around. This is a situation where he covid rules have to be looked at in relation to the situation you’re in and anyway, as someone with an under-1 you’re allowed to form a bubble aren’t you?

I really can’t get my head around the kind of person that would do something like this.

I just asked my DH about this - his response? ‘that man is a total and utter bastard who doesn’t deserve her or his child’
he was fuming on your behalf.
He’ll be lucky if he ever has sex again with that attitude. He’s certainly not a keeper.

😮 wow what a twat!
Having a newborn is exhausting and you have given birth just 2 weeks ago! I'm so sorry about your Mum 💐
It's LTB for me. Tell him he can go f**k himself!