So I’m 2 weeks postnatal and he’s just had a go at me that we’ve not done anything sexual..

[Coveredindaisies]

I’m gobsmacked. Apparently I make him feel invisible. I’m breastfeeding round the clock. I’m knackered. I lost my mum 2 months ago and feel down and full of grief. I thought I was doing ok: I cuddle him when I’ve finally got the baby down to sleep. I feel overwhelmed having a new baby but I’m just about keeping on top of everything. He said he runs around all day and I should want to do something for him. Sat in tears wondering whether I should be considering breaking my family up before my son even turns one month old because it turns out my husband is an arse. What would you do in my situation? All I could do when he said this to me was burst out in tears and tell him it was massively unfair. But in actual fact I genuinely feel like this is LTB stuff. Sorry for the rant. I’d just like some perspective on whether it’ll right and it is indeed outrageous.

He wants a blowjob right? Tell him to fuck off and that the last thing he wants to be doing with you, the way you are now, is to put his knob anywhere near your teeth.

But you have just had a baby so making big decisions right now is probably not the best thing to do. Keep him away from you as much as you can.

Hope you're ok, though, it sounds so stressful for you.

Coveredindaisies: I own the house we live in. I’m tempted to pack a bag for him and tell him to get out.
....
Do!

OP I am so heartbroken to read your messages. I had my son 13 and a bit years ago and my mum fell tragically ill a couple of months later, and sadly died 2 months later. It was horrendous, I’ve never been so genuinely over the moon about my beautiful baby boy and distraught about my mum at the same time. I felt robbed of his entire childhood in all honesty.
Even without losing your mum, his expectations are disgusting. I’m so sorry.

Oh op, I’m so sorry you’re not getting support and for the loss of your mum.

I’ve recently had my second baby and I feel emotionally horrendous after having a baby. I can’t imagine how tough it must be for you, being pestered for sex and grieving your mum.

I think your plan to get away for a while is a good one.
Congratulations on your little one.

@Coveredindaisies

Thank you all. You know thinking about this this isn’t a one off. It’s a pattern of behaviour about him and his needs. He’s been monumentally selfish. I do have friends around to support me yes but obvs with Covid not seeing much of them. I might actually take myself off to my mums flat wit the baby and Moses basket this weekend. It’s sitting empty after her death waiting for me to clear it and sell it. Have not felt up to going there but I’m sure some space would help right now. Thanks for all your supplies. When you are tired it’s hard to know if you are really being selfish or if it’s not you.

please dont do this - it is YOUR house (as you said on a previous post). tell him to get the fuck out and think about his behaviour.

single mum here - you will be okay if it comes down to it.

being in your mums house will be harder to be honest, everything is in your house with a new baby.

What sort of pinhead is he? Remind him there is a reason why his genitals are in reach of his hand!

Seriously, you are vulnerable right now. You've had several massive life changes at a time when the whole world is struggling. Don't do anything permanent but because he isn't supporting you emotionally I would recommend you find an online counsellor who can offer you the support he isn't. That will help you work out any changes you want to make in the future.

Also , I should add that I have lost both my parents, it is so hard, and having a baby so soon after losing your Mum must be really difficult.
to you.

Tell him to get his stuff and fuck off
Seriously, what is he bringing to your life?
He’s not helping in any way and then moaning about sex
Arse hole 🤬

A man who has no concern for others, is utterly selfish,and very very unkind towards you, He needs to shove off, and go and live in a cave somewhere..

Agree with GettingItOutThere in that it being your house it should be him buggering off to give you space; he could sleep on a mate's sofa, at his mum's, in a hotel/b&b or something. You need to be at home with everything you and your baby need close to hand.

OTOH you could leave the baby with him for a day or so. He may notice how much you have to do then and be too knackered himself to do much more. You'd have to wean baby onto bottles first so maybe don't do this.

It’s probably more that he feels pushed out and useless and suddenly he’s not your priority. He has been a massive twat no doubt about it! You can probably get through this, you’ll need to weather a few storms as parents but you can come out the side.
DS is 15 months and I haven’t been anywhere near DP for two weeks as he’s teething, not sleeping, I’m knackered and working, life happens. Feel free to show your DP this!

Let things calm down and try and have a open conversation and see if you can get to the heart of the issue and work on it together. It sounds like this is the first sign of him being like this so see if you can address it together.

Just to echo PP - don't leave the house, it's yours - tell him to leave

Wow..What a wanker!

Yes, this is LTB stuff. Watch him over the next few weeks for more signs that he is a selfish, immature waste of space and drain on your precious energy.

Is there a HV who could year rashers off him for his ignorance of what your body is going through and his massive selfishness in the meantime?

Can you get your mum or some other vaccinated relative to spend some time helping out?

Can you get a decent man with really large feet to give him the kick up the arse he so desperately needs?

Whatever you do don't marry him because he is a complete shit. You hold most of the financial cards so I would pack him a bag and tell him to fuck off.

So sorry for your loss op, and for your utter arse of a partner. He's being a total, total arse, I'm really not surprised you're thinking ltb.

mathanxiety, the op's mum died recently.

@dontsaveusername

Whatever you do don't marry him because he is a complete shit. You hold most of the financial cards so I would pack him a bag and tell him to fuck off.

They’re already married.

SO SORRY - just saw you lost your mum.❤️

Please forgive my poor reading

@mathanxiety the OP lost her mum 6 weeks ago (as if the twat's behaviour wasn't awful enough)

Honestly. The OP described her husband and the situation with her mum in her FIRST POST. 10 pages in the advice relates to not getting married and asking her mum for help.

OP deserves better than this.

He said he runs around all day and I should want to do something for him

This is gross, and speaks volumes about his personality in general if that's his attitude towards sex. He's treating it as transactional, and there's a word for transactional sex! Even aside from having just had DS, no wonder you feel upset.

Sex is meant to be something you enjoy together - not that you give him as a favour. To most people, knowing their DP was upset or just not in the mood would be a turn-off in itself! But he still wants to get his finish anyway? I bet he's terrible in bed anyway not helpful

I’m so sorry for your loss, op Going to your mum’s flat and getting some space sounds like a good idea. You said this might be easier without him - it certainly sounds like it if this is typical behaviour for him - why not try it for a bit and see how you feel?

Do you have any supportive friends or family you could lean on if needs be?

YYY to packing a bag. Put a bolt on the door or leave your key in it.

Dump him by text.

Do you have a friend who could stay over for a bit? Or just overnight for a while?

A PP mentioned that abuse often starts during pregnancy or in the post partum period when it suddenly dawns on the abuser that your attention isn't fully on them any more. I think you have seen this in action.

If you do pack his bags for him, don't listen to any vegging or pleading or promises to change. They don't change. Letting them back just encourages them to think you're a mug and they'll do it all again.

Math made a genuine mistake, and apologised, why point it out?