So I’m 2 weeks postnatal and he’s just had a go at me that we’ve not done anything sexual..

[Coveredindaisies]

I’m gobsmacked. Apparently I make him feel invisible. I’m breastfeeding round the clock. I’m knackered. I lost my mum 2 months ago and feel down and full of grief. I thought I was doing ok: I cuddle him when I’ve finally got the baby down to sleep. I feel overwhelmed having a new baby but I’m just about keeping on top of everything. He said he runs around all day and I should want to do something for him. Sat in tears wondering whether I should be considering breaking my family up before my son even turns one month old because it turns out my husband is an arse. What would you do in my situation? All I could do when he said this to me was burst out in tears and tell him it was massively unfair. But in actual fact I genuinely feel like this is LTB stuff. Sorry for the rant. I’d just like some perspective on whether it’ll right and it is indeed outrageous.

If my DH had spoken to me like that 2 weeks after giving birth let alone if I’d lost my DM 2 months ago I think I would’ve absolutely lost the plot and kicked him out. What an utter arsehole. So sorry OP

I’m so sorry that you’ve lost your mother and especially just as you become a mother yourself 💐

I’m sorry but that would be LTB territory for me OP. My DH (now ex) and I didn’t have sex for at least 6 months afterward the birth of our child. Your DH sounds narcissistic OP, no empathy for your situation whilst you are grieving your mum. It’s all about his needs. He’s reduced a grieving new mother to tears because he can’t wait a while. What a bully!. What does he think grief counselling is going to do? Tell you to get over it ASAP it so you can service your DH? Definitely take time away from him at your Mums place. It will at least give you the space to think about what you want going forward. What he wants isn’t important right now.

He sounds awful op. Two weeks after dd was born I ended up in hospital after a psychotic breakdown. You're still very emotionally vulnerable. Can you contact the local perinatal team for support?

OP, please don't go to your mum's flat right now. That visit will be hard enough - especially the first time - and whilst you are so upset and tired it will make it so much harder.

Pack his bag (minimally) and ask him to leave now. Just give you space. You don't need to make any other declarations right now, but you need to be able to be, just be, without him being such an ass.

I'm so angry and sad on your behalf.

What a selfish horrid arsehole!! You poor thing bless you.. coping with a bereavement of your mum & a new mum of 2 weeks. Have no words. I'd want to ring his neck..and throw him out. this would be a deal breaker. So sorry OP. Xx

Man that is horribly depressing. I would be wary of leaving your child alone with him. His lack of empathy is highly indicative of some form of narcissistic disorder. This is not how a normal man reacts when their partner has a child, I want you to be wholly assured that his behaviour is wrong.

I hope you are able to find support and a way through this. My condolences on the loss of your mum at such an important time. You’ve got a baby and that baby is your future not this man. ❤️

This is awful to read, does he help you at all especially now his newborn son has arrived or is he as completely selfish as he comes across from your OP?

Pavk his bag ask him to leave give you space.
Dont send him to your mum flat. You would want it untouched until you ready to go there yourself first.
Be careful if you do decide to LTB go to solicitors. If you are married less than five years he cannot make a claim on your house as far as I know.
Ringfence your house and your mom flat for yourself and your DC.
Protect your future.
Congratulations on your new baby 💕
and sorry for your loss💐.

Well he is an arsehole isn't he - so selfish. I don't even know what advice to give

OP @Coveredindaisies I'm so sorry you're in this situation, he sounds like a selfish bastard. Please do not leave your house, if anyone needs to leave it's him. You and baby stay put.

Sending hugs.
Your going through so much. He should be allowing you to concentrate on you and your baby. My aunt, was basically my mum, died 6 weeks before I gave birth 2 years ago and it was brutal. So many emotions and the hormones together was a rough ride. It’s tough so you need support and love not someone pestering you. Please look after yourself and your beautiful baby

You learn who your partner is after having children, and during the grief of losing a parent too. Unfortunately they've happened to you quite close together and even though I'm sure you're doing a fantastic job, you must be going through so many emotions right now.

What I would do? Honestly, he's shown his true colours and I'd think about getting leaving him over and done with now tbh. However, you know what he's like usually and men do go through different things with their baby blues. My DH felt a bit unless when I was breastfeeding and I think men can feel a bit like they aren't getting to do the feeding which is a bonding time or be intimate with their partner and feel a bit at a loss. That being said, not once did my DH pressure me for sex afterwards and I had a traumatic birth and it was months for us. I feel it's just a matter of respect.

Maybe you could ask him what was going through his mind to think that's acceptable?

I'm so sorry for the loss of your Mum, it is the most awful pain most people will ever go through in life.
I cried when I read your OP, my heart is literally aching for you.
I'm sure that you knew this would be a life moment made harder by not having your Mum there, however your partner should of been prepared for that too. He was supposed to love,care and cherish you at this time. He should be treating you like a queen and ensuring that you and your baby were his first priority.
BUT he has shown his true colours.

My ex was particularly nasty to me when I'd just had our twins (2 weeks old) because he was sick of me sitting in my "throne" breastfeeding!
I hate to say it but a time that was supposed to be special was completely shat on. My memory of that time is tainted forever and I fear the same might be true for you. I just couldn't forget or forgive his behaviour.

Please don't play this down, it's truly horrific.

Yes this is a LTB situation.

I'm so sorry for your loss

2 weeks after giving birth, all the emotions, grief, breastfeeding and looking after a 2 week old - you don't need a man baby in your life whining about his sexual needs. Utter prick.

@Cadent Actually most are telling her not to go to her mum's flat.

I hope you're OK OP, these threads are very hard to be on the receiving end of.

I hope you know that the big LTB shout do give context to how unacceptable his behaviour is. Get mad, stay mad.

I'm so sorry about your mum.x

I would love to hug you OP and energise and comfort you during this difficult time.

Even though you have difficult circumstances, I think you've just saved yourself years of hassle by realising this about him now.

He said he runs around all day and I should want to do something for him

I found that wording very telling. 'Do something for him' - did he actually use those exact words?? I would have thought this was about mutual intimacy, connection, relaxation, enjoyment.....not you doing something for him. Doing what....exactly.....after giving birth two fucking weeks ago??? Jesus what a colossal knob he is. If I knew him I would give him a good talking to. My God, of course you aren't going to be feeling in the mood. Maybe not for weeks or months in some situations. This is a big change in your life on top of grief. I just find his lack of imagination astounding. He thinks he should be rewarded sexually for whatever he's doing without pausing to think that you are also working, also going through difficult time, also probably totally exhausted.

Unfortunately some men are so lacking in emotional maturity that 1) they are actually jealous of the attention their partners need to constantly pour into their newborn child and 2) equate sex with love, so they seek sex when feeling unloved, or feel a partner not providing sex doesn't love them. And the result of all of this, is 3) they are incapable of offering any useful or meaningful support after the birth of their children, and are just awful instead.

It seems your partner is one of these men. I'm so sorry.

Sorry about your mum, it must be really hard for you at the moment.
What an utterly selfish man he is, tell him touch himself if he’s that desperate.
Are you married? If you decided to leave could would the sake of your mums flat help you set up again on your own?
Sounds as though he’s resentful of his child already, that would worry me.

He had narcissistic personality disorder. Leave him he will only get worse and he won't change. He only cares about himself

Ugh he sounds like my ex. I ended up having sex 2 weeks post as he said he couldn’t be responsible for cheating if he wasn't getting it at home. Some men can’t handle not being the centre of attention

Literally read this and after my husbands behaviour would not be shocked if this happened with myself right now.
I totally get what you feel there. I don’t think I’d want to be there either. 😕 I’m sorry I can’t be more help on the matter.

I’d concentrate on your your child and have a serious rethink about your future with him. Sometimes things show themselves and we ignore them because of other things; if I could change things I certainly would. This doesn’t bode well for the future. This is literally the hardest thing you will ever go through and he’s being incredibly awful borderline abusive .

I'm glad you can see how selfish he's being, and recognised the pattern of behaviour. I think you're right to be reconsidering your future.

I didn't feel ready for sex for 6 months. Dh never once made me feel bad about this.

@Bigpaintinglittlepainting

Wtf ????? Is he normally an selfish arsehole ?

Your Mum died two months ago and you gave birth less than a month ago and he gets in a strop and says 'you could actually do something for me' and is meaning like a blowjob or some pole dancing???

Ok look blokes can be stupid but this is beyond spoilt and selfish. Probably you must have known kind of that he was like this when you married him? And, I'm sure, hoped he wasn't really like that and/or he'd grow up.

It's so out of touch, and that's the kindest assessment of it.

Look, he's under pressure too (nothing like what you're under, but still, no doubt feeling it, and feeling that he's a spare part - not his mum, he's not breastfeeding, he wants it all to be nice and quiet like it was and to be able to go to sleep) - but really his reaction is very bad. I think right now you don't need the extra hassle of LTB but he needs to be definitely on probably big time and you'll just have to see how it goes.

I'm so sorry for you with your mum, and the challenge of being a new mother yourself. Just hang on in there. With the baby, doesn't last long really and it will be lovely some time soon. As for him, switch off - if he's no help, and a bit of a hindrance, then just zone out from him. He needs to grow up, and quick. Maybe he will. Probation, as I said.