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Original poster

New boyfriend keeps talking about his ex's ...should I be worried?

117 replies

richierichiwish · 17/03/2021 14:49

I'm starting to see a new guy and he talks about his ex's a lot.
Not just one but a lot of them.
We were just chatting on the sofa and he asked if I ever look up ex's on Facebook.
Then he showed me his ex and her new boyfriend.
Then showed me another girl and told me the story of how she seduced him.
Then he will show me another woman's photo and her new boyfriend etc etc

He can remember conversations with people he's just slept with and was telling me
"We had sex then chatted then had sex again"

This isn't quite right is it?
Why is he doing this ?
Ego maniac?

OP posts:
Wanderlusto · 17/03/2021 15:35

Amazing how often we mistake controlling and manipulative behaviour for 'insecurity'. He isn't insecure, he's just a head-fucking dick.

WhatMattersMost · 17/03/2021 15:40

You want to understand? That's the last thing you need to do, OP. There is no understanding - it'll just keep you on the merry-go-round longer. I also hope that your wondering whether he's insecure isn't a way of setting yourself up to save or help him. It won't work.

WhatMattersMost · 17/03/2021 15:41

at the minute he's acting like a self absorbed teenager who needs to be pulled up.

Not the best look for a 36-year-old man, is it, though?

jajabanks · 17/03/2021 15:45

Sounds like he wants to be chased and that he thinks he's great having all these women after him, trying to make you think we'll he must be great having all these women after him. He sounds like a an idiot,I d really get rid! This is speaking from experience of going out with nob heads in my younger years x

fivelemons · 17/03/2021 15:49

@Wanderlusto

Amazing how often we mistake controlling and manipulative behaviour for 'insecurity'. He isn't insecure, he's just a head-fucking dick.
^ This.
DumpedByText · 17/03/2021 15:52

My ex used to do this, he'd Facebook stalk his exes, show me their photos, they were all blonde and slim. I'm brunette and plus size. I told him if he didn't like what he'd got to feel free and move on.

I dumped him in the end as I never felt quite good enough and I'm not wasting my time. You know the answer that this isn't normal at all.

Gilda152 · 17/03/2021 16:04

WhatMattersMost Agreed. It's a terrible, deeply unsexy look but humans are complicated and imperfect and OP is fond of him apart from this so who are we to judge.

Original poster
richierichiwish · 17/03/2021 16:26

It has actually made me feel a bit insecure.
It makes me think does he need to keep a eye on these girls.
Or is he texting this girl he slept with as I don't give him enough attention

OP posts:
Gilda152 · 17/03/2021 16:31

ooh heck well now you've said that I think this one is dead in the water. You shouldn't be feeling insecure and if this is making you feel that way then he's not the one

youvegottenminuteslynn · 17/03/2021 16:32

@richierichiwish

It has actually made me feel a bit insecure. It makes me think does he need to keep a eye on these girls. Or is he texting this girl he slept with as I don't give him enough attention
Why Are You Interested In Someone Who Makes You Feel Like This ?!
Jjjjjj1981 · 17/03/2021 16:35

Yuk, run OP. That’s completely not on, very disrespectful to you.

SandyY2K · 17/03/2021 16:39

He sounds like an idiot.
I was going to say to tell him you're not interested in hearing about his Ex GFs, but if he needs telling, then he's not really worth it.

Lovelydiscusfish · 17/03/2021 16:44

I think discussing past relationships is fine and part of getting to know each other and gauging comparability.

But if all the stories are about girls madly loving him and him not being interested, that I would really question.

And why is he texting this woman who is apparently massively into him? This seems unfair to you AND her.

If you like him enough, maybe ask him to stop doing both these things (the talking about relationships and the texting). And see if he does.

Or, you could just bin him off before you get in any deeper.....

Lovelydiscusfish · 17/03/2021 16:44

Compatibility sorry.

Theunamedcat · 17/03/2021 16:46

@richierichiwish

I haven't asked him as I don't really know what to say. He told me one girl who he slept with wanted a relationship but he didn't and so she got married just to make him jealous. Apparently now she's single she is texting him again (and he's texting her ) but has told me he hopes she doesn't get the wrong idea.
Seriously is that even believable? My ex told someone I bought a cat to get back with him HE DOESNT REALLY LIKE CATS its ego ego EGO can't let go so everything they do is for HIS benefit she learned to drive to get me back she works to get me back dyes her hair her natural colour because she knows I love it to get me back

Why are you bothering with him

CallMeCleo · 17/03/2021 16:52

He's very blatantly trying to make you feel

  • jealous
  • that he's a great catch
  • that he can pull women just like that
  • that you had better "raise your game" or lose him
  • that you had better do everything he expects or he'll chose someone else

From what you say, it's working already.

LTB. This will not go anywhere except the road to misery for you.

CallMeCleo · 17/03/2021 16:53

Oh, one more thought.

After you two split up, he will be talking about what you two did in bed and showing YOUR photo to the next women he goes out with!!!!!

AAAGGGHHHH!

Lovebug06 · 17/03/2021 16:57

Whether it's insecurity or not he clearly thinks this makes him sound like all the women want him and wants you to think your lucky to have him.

How would he react if you started talking about your exes?

Or ask him if he still has a thing for them as he seems to talk about them non stop. Which is weird for someone who reckons he dumped them. Sounds to me like they probably dumped him. Why would you be talking about sex and Facebook stalking someone you dumped and didn't want to be with, can't have been that great can it if he apparently ended it?

I wouldn't be surprised if they dumped him and that's why he can't stop going on about and talking about them. I bet they have a different story to him.

In his head this talk makes him sounds like an amazing catch, in reality he's making himself far less of one.

Lovebug06 · 17/03/2021 16:59

@CallMeCleo

Oh, one more thought.

After you two split up, he will be talking about what you two did in bed and showing YOUR photo to the next women he goes out with!!!!!

AAAGGGHHHH!

Agreed. You will be one of the girls that were desperate to be with him and are trying to make him jealous too.
Original poster
richierichiwish · 17/03/2021 17:01

@CallMeCleo I never even thought of that.
I bet that's what he would do.
He seems to remember every little detail about his ex's

OP posts:
youvegottenminuteslynn · 17/03/2021 17:15

[quote richierichiwish]@CallMeCleo I never even thought of that.
I bet that's what he would do.
He seems to remember every little detail about his ex's [/quote]
So you're going to stop seeing him yes?

MsJinks · 17/03/2021 18:04

He doesn’t remember they dumped him 🤣 - seriously I’ve known guys like this, and their capacity for self delusion is incredible- I know 2 whose exes married someone else whilst still pining for them, I now cringe at the thought I too am never getting over the one I dated.
I never knew why they thought like that - though glad it’s not just guys I bump into to be honest, sorry! But i will say both were players, too fond of themselves and not really the best sort of dating potential at all.

abeanbaked · 17/03/2021 18:08

He sounds delusional, I bet the other side of the stories are very different..

I expected him to be 18 not 37, it's not appropriate at any age but Christ why does someone have to try and big themselves up so much at 37. He sounds extremely narcissistic and like an all round twat. LTB.

Original poster
richierichiwish · 17/03/2021 21:35

I can imagine the ex's have a totally different story to tell.
I'm not sure what I'm gonna do
Speak to him or just end whatever it is

OP posts:
Windmillwhirl · 17/03/2021 21:44

Seriously if someone is telling you another woman got married 'just to make them jealous', they are seriously deluded. Run. The guy thinks his cock is golden.

100% this. Absolutely ridiculous. If I were you op, I'd tell him to not insult your intelligence and do one. Seriously, what a loser.

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