Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

New boyfriend keeps talking about his ex's ...should I be worried?

117 replies

richierichiwish · 17/03/2021 14:49

I'm starting to see a new guy and he talks about his ex's a lot.
Not just one but a lot of them.
We were just chatting on the sofa and he asked if I ever look up ex's on Facebook.
Then he showed me his ex and her new boyfriend.
Then showed me another girl and told me the story of how she seduced him.
Then he will show me another woman's photo and her new boyfriend etc etc

He can remember conversations with people he's just slept with and was telling me
"We had sex then chatted then had sex again"

This isn't quite right is it?
Why is he doing this ?
Ego maniac?

OP posts:
BeautyGoesToBenidorm · 18/03/2021 06:55

Christ, this sounds EXACTLY like my STBXH (note the EX!).

He pulled this crap on our first date. He sat scrolling through FB, going "I dated her for a while. And her. Oh I really liked this one, I wanted her to be my girlfriend, but her ex didn't like it" etc etc. He was 36 at the time.

He also talked ENDLESSLY about his estranged wife - looking back, he clearly wasn't over her.

I was extremely vulnerable, with rock-bottom self-esteem, having not long fled a highly violent relationship. Nowadays, I absolutely wouldn't put up with this shit.

Consequently, I never, ever trusted him. He was at the very least sexting the woman he "really liked" - I was pregnant at the time, I caught him out after a message from her popped up on his phone, and he lied to my face, trying to tell me there was no message 😑

The lack of trust ate away at me for 9 years, and I was constantly anxious whenever I saw him sat there texting.

My advice? Run. At best, he's an immature, insecure man-child with terrible boundaries. This won't get better.

Original poster
richierichiwish · 18/03/2021 08:54

We've been "together" for 5 months now.
This started pretty much straight away.
He always talks about himself.

One thing that made me cringe and still does is his brother once appeared on a talent show so has a few Twitter followers..he told me "wait till you tell your friends you slept with me"
I laughed it off but I think he might have meant it.

He will send songs like "fit but you know it" about himself.
He can't seem to reign it in

When he is being normal,we have a laugh.
It's just this side of him,the "I love me" side is a bit much.

OP posts:
Ginblooded · 18/03/2021 09:18

I know you have lots of advice, but my ex was like this and was a complete narcissistic asshole who seemed to enjoy making me jealous and insecure. He also thought he was gods gift just because he was a little bit charming.

I'm so glad we only lasted a couple of months because now I have an DP who is utterly wonderful and would never do shit like that!

Julie968 · 18/03/2021 09:23

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

GammyLeg · 18/03/2021 09:23

Ugh, he sounds awful! Surely you can do better than this twat!

"wait till you tell your friends you slept with me"

Are you SURE he's 37?

willibald · 18/03/2021 09:24

Dump! I had one do this, long ago when I was young and dumb. So I started to do the same back. He didn't like it. That's when the penny dropped and I got rid.

CryptoFascist · 18/03/2021 09:30

I was going to advise you to tell him "I'm one of your guy friends, so I don't want to hear about your "conquests"", but after the rest of your posts I'm changing my advice - just dump him!

Candyfloss99 · 18/03/2021 09:32

So you just say there listening to him tell you that a woman got married to make him jealous, stalking them on social media and showing you pictures and saying he's still texting one of them and you didn't tell him to fuck off?

marriednotdead · 18/03/2021 09:44

I genuinely am unable to get what you find attractive about this egomaniac. The more you post the worse he sounds. Please ditch before you give him any further fodder for his next victim. Ugh.

With kindness, you need to recognise that you are worth more than this and look at ways to figure out how to weed out arseholes before they cross the threshold.

harknesswitch · 18/03/2021 09:51

Blimey he sounds slightly Deranged at best, a complete narcissistic worst

abeanbaked · 18/03/2021 09:56

If you dump him he will probably tell the next girlfriend that it was because his muscles were too big, or he was too good looking and you felt insecure about it. Nuts.

ravenmum · 18/03/2021 10:05

wait till you tell your friends you slept with me
Well, you've told us here on MN and we send our condolences.
Hope you haven't given him too much to gossip about. Though frankly, if anyone believes his nonsense I'd be amazed.

abeanbaked · 18/03/2021 10:11

@richierichiwish

We've been "together" for 5 months now. This started pretty much straight away. He always talks about himself.

One thing that made me cringe and still does is his brother once appeared on a talent show so has a few Twitter followers..he told me "wait till you tell your friends you slept with me"
I laughed it off but I think he might have meant it.

He will send songs like "fit but you know it" about himself.
He can't seem to reign it in

When he is being normal,we have a laugh.
It's just this side of him,the "I love me" side is a bit much.

Gross. It's giving me the ick and I don't even know him. How can you be in his company without vomiting? Confused
Original poster
richierichiwish · 18/03/2021 10:13

I don't see a long term future with him at all.
I am put off.
I've never dealt with anyone like this so I wasn't really sure if I was being ott.

Do you think this is strange too.
When his son was a baby he said he used to get annoyed when people stopped him saying he was cute ...he said "well I know he is cute,I bread him "
He said he would tell his ex how annoying it was.
That way of thinking isn't right isn't it?
If someone said my son was cute I would be over the moon and feel proud.

OP posts:
ravenmum · 18/03/2021 10:15

@richierichiwish

I don't see a long term future with him at all. I am put off. I've never dealt with anyone like this so I wasn't really sure if I was being ott.

Do you think this is strange too.
When his son was a baby he said he used to get annoyed when people stopped him saying he was cute ...he said "well I know he is cute,I bread him "
He said he would tell his ex how annoying it was.
That way of thinking isn't right isn't it?
If someone said my son was cute I would be over the moon and feel proud.

Enormous stealth boast 🤷 what else would you expect from this guy? He'd make a really good comedy villain, though.
CryptoFascist · 18/03/2021 10:39

Sounds like he was jealous of his own baby for taking away the compliments that were rightfully his (in his mind). Awful.

abeanbaked · 18/03/2021 10:42

@richierichiwish 'bred him' is he a puppy? Can you let us know when you dump him?

Citymum7676 · 18/03/2021 10:48

He has confidence issues. No good has ever emerged from someone like that.

JorisBonson · 18/03/2021 10:50

I don't see a long term future with him at all

So you're going to dump him then, yes?

GreyhoundG1rl · 18/03/2021 11:01

@richierichiwish

We've been "together" for 5 months now. This started pretty much straight away. He always talks about himself.

One thing that made me cringe and still does is his brother once appeared on a talent show so has a few Twitter followers..he told me "wait till you tell your friends you slept with me"
I laughed it off but I think he might have meant it.

He will send songs like "fit but you know it" about himself.
He can't seem to reign it in

When he is being normal,we have a laugh.
It's just this side of him,the "I love me" side is a bit much.

And he's 37, not 17... Where is your dignity, op?? 😆
FloNero · 18/03/2021 11:02

I had a relationship like this in my late twenties, when I'd not long come out of a very bad relationship and my self esteem was at rock bottom. Older and wiser, and a lot more well read on these matters I'd say this looks an awful lot like classic, textbook 'Narcissistic Triangulation'. Please go google this if you haven't heard of it before- I think you might find it an eye opener.

With my ex it all started innocuously enough, he casually mention in passing that I wasn't his usual type, he tended to go for tall blondes (I'm definitely not that), that this ex was a model, oh and so was that one- never maliciously, it seemed. Initially I thought he just seemed to be lacking a sensitivity chip. But these things massively chip away at your self esteem and make you start to doubt yourself. In my case, what with my self esteem already being on the floor, I stupidly put up with it, and in due course this led to 'innocent' comments about my weight, my ability to co-ordinate an outfit- fill in your insecurity here, because they'll sure as hell work it out and use a way to make you feel bad about it. Make no mistake, consciously or unconsciously this is designed to make himself feel better by making you feel bad about yourself. Several people have mentioned the 'pick me' dance, and that does seem to be what's going on here- another one for you to google and arm yourself with some knowledge! I know people say men like this generally have low self esteem deep down, but that's irrelevant. I have low self esteem at times, but I don't try to make myself feel better by knocking other people down. Its incredibly damaging behaviour to the person on the receiving end.

Oh, and as an aside, once I finally got the courage and strength to leave my ex did he go back to his tall blondes? No, I heard through mutual friends that his new girlfriend (also not long out of a bad relationship, whadda you know..?) looked so much like me that they were a bit freaked out by it. I'm assuming she got the same spiel that I did. I felt quite bad for her as I'm guessing it probably had the same effect that it had on me.

billy1966 · 18/03/2021 11:13

🤢

Vain, insecure, dim, dull....what a combination 🙄

youvegottenminuteslynn · 18/03/2021 11:21

Sorry OP but are you still not definitely going to dump him?!

How much of an insufferably cringey cunt does he need to be to get the boot?!

He's made me skin crawl via this thread and I've never even met him...

Why are you still talking as if you're unsure what to do? It's really worrying!

GreyhoundG1rl · 18/03/2021 11:27

@youvegottenminuteslynn

Sorry OP but are you still not definitely going to dump him?!

How much of an insufferably cringey cunt does he need to be to get the boot?!

He's made me skin crawl via this thread and I've never even met him...

Why are you still talking as if you're unsure what to do? It's really worrying!

Indeed. There is a huge 🤮 factor, even from this distance! How can you bear to be in the same room??
Fireflygal · 18/03/2021 11:39

@Wanderlusto, just what I wanted to say!

Op, in 5 months he has shown you who he is. I know there probadly is good stuff but that will wane and all you will be left with is the arrogance and attempts to put you down.

Dump now to save yourself heartbreak later. Yes,this behaviour seems from deep insecurity but it doesn't go away by you loving him. Loving these people is never enough and it isn't fixable by you.

If he honestly thought someone got married to make him jealous then he has signifcant narcisstic traits.

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Join Mumsnet Log In

This thread is closed and is no longer accepting replies. Click here to start a new thread.