Page 3 | DP has been liking weird videos...

uhmmm · 2021-03-12T20:05:23+00:00

DP has been liking videos of what seems to look like women but with male bits if you know what I mean... could this be a joke? They only have a few hundred likes and he's liked lots of them. I'm starting to wonder hmm... I don't want to confront him but he's one of those that is over the top masculine, could it be a front?

TheVanguardSix · 13/03/2021 11:43

He said he doesn't remember seeing it and that he isn't gay...

Oh, I see you have had the talk. Hmm, so he's given you an answer that doesn't allow for you both to start an honest dialogue. That's not a good start. Don't let this sit and go stagnant, OP. You have a baby. You really need to think about your future with him. How 'big' is this fetish? How much is it ruling him and his sexuality? You need to explore those questions. There is no immediate answer. You don't want to find yourself miserable with 3 kids under 3, 5 years down the road, sleeping in a dead bedroom, only having sex to have babies (which stops after DC3) while he saves his 'good stuff' for his online kicks. It's a false scenario, but not an implausible one.

Wanderlusto · 13/03/2021 11:44

Is it really a big deal though? I mean unless he is straight up gay and op is his beard, what does it matter what he likes to slap himself happy too?

Definately need to be asking questions though tbf. And its worrying that he is minimising. And I'd need to be sure it wasnt the tip of the iceberg for something more deviant. Or for obviously, actually being gay and just starting to work it out.

IdblowJonSnow · 13/03/2021 11:46

You're going to have to talk to him OP. He did leave it right there for you to see!

Hope you're ok.

TheVanguardSix · 13/03/2021 11:47

@TheVanguardSix why will he likely take it further at some point? Why is it not equally, if not more likely that it will remain a fantasy? Or are all plumbers actually ready and willing sex workers?

The clue is in the word 'likely', which is not the same as 'certainly'. It is not an implausible idea that he might want to act out his fantasy in real life. It is not a certainty, but a possibility, perhaps even likely. To answer your second question, quite simply, 'no', even though nothing I wrote even resembled the word soup you've turned my post into. Think critically before you type out a migraine.

FluffyHippo · 13/03/2021 11:48

@Wanderlusto

*walloper

Not wallpaper lol

Brings a whole new meaning to choosing a new wallpaper for your desktop, doesn't it?

DinoHat · 13/03/2021 11:53

[quote TheVanguardSix]**@TheVanguardSix why will he likely take it further at some point? Why is it not equally, if not more likely that it will remain a fantasy? Or are all plumbers actually ready and willing sex workers?

The clue is in the word 'likely', which is not the same as 'certainly'. It is not an implausible idea that he might want to act out his fantasy in real life. It is not a certainty, but a possibility, perhaps even likely. To answer your second question, quite simply, 'no', even though nothing I wrote even resembled the word soup you've turned my post into. Think critically before you type out a migraine.[/quote]
The second part of my post followed the same floored logic you applied to your own post.

DinoHat · 13/03/2021 11:55

Something being “likely” to happens means it’s highly probable that it will - I don’t agree this ascertain is realistic.

MarshmallowAra · 13/03/2021 12:42

Chicks with dicks don't exist, only men with implants (if they have them).

Another woman was on here saying her h watches transvestite & transexual porn ...
Lots and lots of "it's perfectly normal, it's on the normal spectrum" - i didn't agree with that at all.

It's not normal for hetero men to be repeatedly watching and aroused by other men dressed up in feminine clothing with makeup etc getting shagged or giving blow jobs or wherever.

It's also such a turn off as a female partner, Sahara nether regions time.

MarshmallowAra · 13/03/2021 12:48

He said he doesn't remember seeing it

He doesn't remember seeing transvestite porn he repeatedly watched and actually liked.

Original poster

uhmmm · 13/03/2021 12:54

@MarshmallowAra I agree with you. It's not some kink it's a completely different thing. If he won't talk about it then I don't know what to do, he just keeps saying he hasn't seen it.
Makes it worse that he's lying.

OP posts:

Original poster

uhmmm · 13/03/2021 12:57

Thanks for all the nice replies everyone I thought everyone would think I'm being transphobic but I'm not at all. It's just hard that he's had a baby with me and then decides to do this.

OP posts:

DinoHat · 13/03/2021 13:18

Really hard OP. Having a baby makes difficult news even harder to digest. It’s a time you really need support not surprises.

TheVanguardSix · 13/03/2021 13:25

It's just hard that he's had a baby with me and then decides to do this.

It is so, so hard for you, and having a small baby can make you feel vulnerable and powerless. It's not about whether or not you're transphobic. To be honest, even if you were, my stance would be the same. This isn't a transphobia issue. This is a 'my partner's looking at weird shit and I don't like it' issue. And so you shouldn't have to tolerate it. He's looking at something online repeatedly and it is affecting how you feel. Whether it's hardcore porn, chicks with dicks, whatever, you don't feel good about this. He needs to listen to you. You need to be heard. In relationships, we make concessions. The mistake couples make is in thinking that porn is a unilateral choice, one made without discussion. It requires a discussion. You have to be ok with this fetish. And he has to be ok with hearing that you are not. And then he has to honour your point of view, respect that you're not happy with this. And if he can't do that, then you're facing the reality that this could jeopardise your relationship (which is already in jeopardy, in all honesty, because this is a thing, it is real, it's just not been dealt with. It won't go away on its own).

The cat is out of the bag. He can't not talk about it.

TheVanguardSix · 13/03/2021 13:27

It’s a time you really need support not surprises.

Yep. Exactly this.

(truly sorry for being an a-hole earlier dino)

youvegottenminuteslynn · 13/03/2021 13:33

You're allowed to be turned off by someone else's kink. You're allowed to not feel comfortable being with a partner who has a particular kink.

That could be porn involving trans people, pregnant women, degradation... whatever.

People are entitled to have kinks / be turned on by something. That doesn't mean a partner has to accept that into the relationship. It doesn't mean their partner has to stay with them because it's 'just' in porn. It doesn't mean their partner has to pretend it doesn't make them see the person in another light.

Most people would feel as uncomfortable as you do discovering this. The majority of people. IMO,

It's blindsided you and that's ok. It's made you feel uncomfortable and that's ok.

On top of all that he has lied to your face about it (he doesn't remember repeatedly looking and liking??) too.

MarshmallowAra · 13/03/2021 13:35

@uhmmm

Thanks for all the nice replies everyone I thought everyone would think I'm being transphobic but I'm not at all. It's just hard that he's had a baby with me and then decides to do this.

You don't have to be transphobic not to want to be in a relationship with a supposedly heterosexual man who watches and likes transvestite/transexual porn.

His preferences are not exactly something he's been open and honest about ... He's still not being honest about it, even having been discovered repeatedly watching and liking transvestite/transexual porn.

Fwiw it seems unlikely he's done this only recently/suddenly,maybe but ..

DinosaurDiana · 13/03/2021 13:38

Perhaps he just hasn’t worked out his excuse yet ?
I’d be doing a lot more digging if I were you.

Original poster

uhmmm · 13/03/2021 13:39

This must sound absolutely awful but I cannot ever picture having sex with him again... definitely not what I'm into.

OP posts:

MarshmallowAra · 13/03/2021 13:39

@youvegottenminuteslynn

You're allowed to be turned off by someone else's kink. You're allowed to not feel comfortable being with a partner who has a particular kink.

That could be porn involving trans people, pregnant women, degradation... whatever.

People are entitled to have kinks / be turned on by something. That doesn't mean a partner has to accept that into the relationship. It doesn't mean their partner has to stay with them because it's 'just' in porn. It doesn't mean their partner has to pretend it doesn't make them see the person in another light.

Most people would feel as uncomfortable as you do discovering this. The majority of people. IMO,

It's blindsided you and that's ok. It's made you feel uncomfortable and that's ok.

On top of all that he has lied to your face about it (he doesn't remember repeatedly looking and liking??) too.

This is a very level headed post.

In the last thread a lot of people piled on to say it was the man's private fantasy and his right, and the partner was prejudiced and blah blah ..
Totally disagreed; when you find out about it, it's your business ... If it affects your opinion of them, your attraction to them, your comfort in the relationship; there your right.

It would be a massive turn off for me - as this poster says, alongside some other "links" .. but because it's blokes (not just a fetish involving women) it's in a different league for me. I don't think that's all that unusual.

Original poster

uhmmm · 13/03/2021 13:42

I keep on asking for explanations and he just keeps saying "Ok (my name)" over and over.

OP posts:

Cordial11 · 13/03/2021 13:44

Where was he liking these pics/videos? (What platform)

How did you see it?

Was it in his browsing history that he watched?

Then how can he not remember hmm sorry OP.

Original poster

uhmmm · 13/03/2021 13:45

@Cordial11

Where was he liking these pics/videos? (What platform)

How did you see it?

Was it in his browsing history that he watched?

Then how can he not remember hmm sorry OP.

Twitter and he left the tab open.

OP posts:

DinoHat · 13/03/2021 13:53

Can you access that kind of content on Twitter - irrelevant but I didn’t realise you could.

I’d feel really unhappy about this too OP. You’re not overacting.

youvegottenminuteslynn · 13/03/2021 13:56

If it's his personal account then does he realise anyone can see what he likes?

MarshmallowAra · 13/03/2021 14:07

@uhmmm

I keep on asking for explanations and he just keeps saying "Ok (my name)" over and over.

Because he's got no explanation. He's got nowhere to go.

(Other than saying he enjoys watching transvestite/transsexual porn and had expressed his approval/appreciation of it on SM ... Which he feels he can't).