Anyone ever had a gut feeling that their partner is cheating?

[sarah8484]

I have a horrible gut feeling partner is cheating. The thought wakes me several times a night. Theres a few 'clues' but no hard evidence. Always on phone. Lock on phone that I don't know. Came home other night from work and jumped straight in bath which could be cheating could be he was dirty from work (didnt look it). Going out more but not to long, maybe 1-2 hours. Not a jealous or paranoid person. Im so laid back but something seems off. Sometimes he puts on this extra nice act which is just not him. Or maybe he's just being nicer. Want to confront him but know he will deny whether he is or isnt. But I just have a strong gut feeling....

How long have you been together?

@EpochTime 10 years

Oh, no. I can understand why you feel concerned about the way he is behaving. So sorry this is keeping you awake. Would you consider planting a tracker in his car so you can see where he is going when he is out?

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Trust your gut feeling.

Nipping out cos he fancied a MacDo, showering and shaving before he went. Coming back 2 hours later. Yeah right.
Locked phone. Phone never ringing in my presence.
I could keep going, but she did me a favour.

I have. I was correct. Go with your gut

When he goes out OP where does he say he is going?

I have had and was right about ex.

I don't think on the strength of what you've put a tracking device is a reasonable response though.

If you've been together 10 years you'll certainly notice changes in behaviour. The changes you describe could certainly indicate cheating above other more innocent explanations. When you feel he's being extra nice to you, does it feel to you like he's making an effort, rather than it feeling natural?
What sort of presents did you get for Christmas from him? Were they any different to what you normally received from him? That may sound like a daft question but when men begin to cheat they often sub-consciously over-compensate with guilt gifts. (Later, in long-standing affairs, the gifts to the wife/partner become less romantic, more mundane, and may even reduce in quantity/quality).

@Anordinarymum he's a self employed gardener/maintenance man so he says he's going to do a quote. Often in the dark which makes no sense when the quote will be needing daylight to see. I have thought about a tracker @Scrunchy95. Didn't realise they were so cheap. Think ill order one, and watch where he's going for a few days before i confront him to see where he's going.

@EpochTime it's almost a forced niceness. He got me a little less than he usually would but he was working less due to covid. He woke me up the other night asking if ive seen his phone. He was nice about it but why wake me up? Why do you need to know where your phone is at 2am? Did he think i had it and was worried? Did he think he lost it? There could easily be two sides to his behaviour but something is just not sitting right

I did, turns out my DP of 20 years was having an EA.

@LemmysAceCard sorry to hear that. Did you find evidence or just confront them?

@sarah8484 I guess you didn't ask him all the questions you have posed here about the phone?
It sounds like you've been blindsided by his recent behavioural changes. These worries can affect your mental health - they are already affecting your sleep. Popular opinion on here is to not ask but to snoop, but I think in your case I'd be inclined to ask him outright; all the points you have raised here, provided you don't expect him to react aggressively, that is.

Yell him your phones out of charge can you borrow his quickly. His reaction will tell you everything !

Tell

Yes, and I unfortunately was correct. Mine even went as far as paying the huge sum left on his contract so he could get a whole new phone and number! I got back onto his old phone and Nothing had been backed up (obviously) so I looked at his blocked list on WhatsApp and saw a lot of blocked numbers, picked one out of random and hey presto it was the woman who I suspected all along. Contacted her and asked for the truth and I got it.

Getting onto his phone I feel would provide massive insight into what he’s up to (if anything!). Demand his password, healthy relationships should be built on trust and openness.

Him waking you up at 2am to find his phone is also a huge red flag. My ex woke up once (he’d fell asleep quite early on the sofa after work) and said ‘give me back my phone’, I didn’t have it, it was actually under his cushion but subconsciously he must’ve been very paranoid!

Yes I did but thought it was my insecurities driving it. I should have gone with my gut; he'd been having an affair for a year before he told me he was leaving. No OW he said but then I wised up and found all the information I needed from his phone. I hope you're wrong OP but I'm a great believer in gut feelings now.

STRONGLY against the tracker on his car, what awful advice. Don’t let this man turn you bonkers! If he’s not cheating and he finds out you have a tracker on his phone you will look like a nut case. just keep monitoring his strange behaviour. At some point he will slip up, they always do. Ask more prying questions about these late night quotations , if he’s lying you’ll eventually be able to tell it’s BS.

Yes and he was. He was being strange and argumentative. I remember him shouting something and storming off out of the house. I remember thinking why is he behaving like that and it just hit me that he was cheating. He was.

Try and get evidence before you confront him. Without evidence he'll just deny.
If you can't find anything, it could be anything. Maybe he's involved in other things he doesn't want to bother you with (family, work).

Yep. Horrible feeling and it was spot on. Always trust your instinct.

[quote sarah8484]@LemmysAceCard sorry to hear that. Did you find evidence or just confront them?[/quote]
Mostly it was just gut feeling, i just knew something was wrong. He shut off from me, was protective of his phone, felt like he was tolerating me and sex stopped.

I tried asking him what was wrong and he shut me down. I said about he doesnt talk to me anymore and from then on he did talk to me, about football and other things like that but it felt false and forced.

I did get final proof in the end and confronted him, he couldnt deny or back out of it. Well, he did deny it, she was just a friend, it wasnt like that, etc

We are still together, its been hard, a really bumpy 2 years full of emotions and my mental health going to pot, but we are still together, sometimes i wonder if the mental energy was worth it.

Yep and I was right. He told me and all our friends I was mad and had mental health problems.
It was actually a relief in a way when it all came out as I actually thought I was losing my mind. I divorced him and she got to keep the lying twat. She's welcome to him.

I had a gut feeling. I was right. Found the 'evidence' on his phone when he fell asleep watching a film (on the phone) so it was unlocked. Took photo's of messages as evidence.
You could try asking to use his phone. Invent an urgent call you need to make and make sure you're own phones battery is dead. See how he reacts - will be very telling.