Anyone ever had a gut feeling that their partner is cheating?

[sarah8484]

I have a horrible gut feeling partner is cheating. The thought wakes me several times a night. Theres a few 'clues' but no hard evidence. Always on phone. Lock on phone that I don't know. Came home other night from work and jumped straight in bath which could be cheating could be he was dirty from work (didnt look it). Going out more but not to long, maybe 1-2 hours. Not a jealous or paranoid person. Im so laid back but something seems off. Sometimes he puts on this extra nice act which is just not him. Or maybe he's just being nicer. Want to confront him but know he will deny whether he is or isnt. But I just have a strong gut feeling....

Another long post coming up. Again, my apologies for derailing.

I think the tracker is a bad idea too.

Any secrecy is a red flag. Especially when it's regarding the phone.

Just remembered another red flag that I should have picked up on
I didn't like the way he behaved with his parents. He seemed to jokey and slightly disrespectful. I was never left alone with them.

I downloaded old phone bills. Looking for numbers called often and at unusual times .. 5.30 am. Sure enough it was a lady / customer he was fixing her gates. Not only thing he was fixing.

SkinnyEx you need to start your own thread. Sounds like you could benefit from it

@sarah8484 yes and I was correct.

Nothing I’d have been able to articulate at the time but looking back a few clues, at a party they went off together and I found them chatting; new clothes; but really just a gut feel.

@SkinnyEx please start your own thread

@mybonnieliesovertheocean2, I've done that before and the responses were things like 'Have you no self-esteem?', 'You should have set boundaries' and the like.

When I posted about it at the time, under a different name, I made the mistake of doing so on a Saturday evening, and the responses were a mixed bag of good advice and posts that didn't help at all, and if you consider the state I was in, they were quite unpleasant. My predicament wasn't entertaining enough for some.

I posted on this thread because there were red flags all along. As I have read on MN many times 'When someone shows you who they are...'

I had an inkling that something in our marriage was not right but did not link it to cheating. There was always an invisible wall between us, a disconnection and I recall feeling unloved and awfully unsettled but could not pinpoint why. After arguements I would always be the first to apologise even when it was not my fault and he lapped it up. I always had a fear of losing him, that I was not enough for him and he would be better off with another woman. Turns out there were five other woman! Looking back I carried guilt and feelings of worthlessness even before discovering the cheating. Not something you can ever get over as while I was busy feeling inadequate as a wife, he knew what he was doing behind the scenes.

You don't get over it Faith50, you learn how to deal with it. I hope you feel happier in yourself without that scumbag in your life.

I've asked to have most of my posts on this thread removed as they could identify me.

Skinnyex
I would rather be alone and unhappy than be with someone and still be unhappy. I need desparately to move on for my peace of mind.

Yes, I've had that feeling before and was proved right. Similar to your situation as well, he was guarded with his phone, always on silent, would charge it under his pillow at night, put it in his pocket when I walked in the room, if I asked to use his phone for something he'd be looking over my shoulder - I could go on and on. As others have said, go with your gut feeling. That feeling is an old survival mechanism from when we needed to sense danger from predators. Especially as you've said that you're not a paranoid kind of person. If something seems off, that's because it usually is.

@Faith50, keep busy and give it time. It has taken me a long time
I remind myself that the person I loved didn't exist.

Regardless of who or what you are, or what you did or didn't do, there is no excuse for what he did.

How are you op x

Yes. Out of nowhere. No reason. I checked back on phone bills.
5.30 am phone calls to a lady who he was fixing a gate for.
The further back I went the worse it got. I had no idea.

Old post

"Yes. Out of nowhere. No reason. I checked back on phone bills.
5.30 am phone calls to a lady who he was fixing a gate for.
The further back I went the worse it got. I had no idea."

same here, something made me wake up at 3am, look at the phone bill and it was there to see, that was Dday 2, DD1 I was asleep a week before and I heard what sounded like someone shout in my ear "He's having an affair!",
I woke up in a panic thinking I had rolled on the tv remote or worse a ghost- checked his phone 5am a week later and that started the trickle discovery, I'm not Woo, but sometimes I do feel somehow our subconscious knows we just aren't ready to admit it

You usually have some signs sooner or later, that a person may be cheating. I certainly wouldn't be snooping on phones, and tracking them in cars though. Too much hassle, and getting yourself paranoid about everything.

I hope you are wrong op, but if your suspicions are founded I hope you have a good friend or two to help you get through whatever you have to deal with.

Can you put your phone in his car and then track it? Read a previous post where Op was tracking her DH via find my phone but I’m a complete klutz wit IT so don’t know if it would work.

Zombie 🧟‍♀️

Sadly, yes I got confirmation that my OH was too.
He was withdrawn, nervous, argumentative, changed his passcode, phone firmly attached to him, creating drama's so he could leave the house. He had her hidden under a man's name in his phone.

Talk to him. Tell him his recent behaviour is out of character and you have good reason to think what you think and that your suspicions are not unreasonable. If he can explain, he will, with good evidence. If he can't, you have your answer. I'm so sorry, this must be tearing you apart.