Anyone ever had a gut feeling that their partner is cheating?

[sarah8484]

I have a horrible gut feeling partner is cheating. The thought wakes me several times a night. Theres a few 'clues' but no hard evidence. Always on phone. Lock on phone that I don't know. Came home other night from work and jumped straight in bath which could be cheating could be he was dirty from work (didnt look it). Going out more but not to long, maybe 1-2 hours. Not a jealous or paranoid person. Im so laid back but something seems off. Sometimes he puts on this extra nice act which is just not him. Or maybe he's just being nicer. Want to confront him but know he will deny whether he is or isnt. But I just have a strong gut feeling....

Demand his password, healthy relationships should be built on trust and openness

My irony-meter just exploded.

Yes and I was right

Mine had a secret phone , that I actually caught him using. Otherwise , never have caught him as he always kept it in work or car . Check out his work van.
But while I never thought he was cheating - my mind just didn't go there. I did however know he was going through some sort of MLC...lost weight , started using grooming products , buying clothes that were too young for him . Also now that someone mentioned it , yes the gifts got more expensive to me .
Until , I guess he didn't care and got me a phone charger for Xmas ! Twat. I had an argument about that .
He was distant , uncommunitive and late to bed most nights.
Trust your instincts.

Yup, and i was right. A couple of texts accidentally sent to me that was overly friendly and not "like" him. snatching up his laptop when i reached over to use it. keeping his phone out of sight. overly interested in dating sites when mentioned by single friends.

Try to dig deeper if you can, that's what I had to do when my gut was telling me something.

A friend had gut feelings based on similar things ..she couldnt access his phone or get any evidence , then one evening she just turned to him and said "is there anything you want to tell me ?"...and left the question hanging there...he became so uncomfortable and guilt ridden it all came out .
It's a powerful way to guage where he's at, even if there's no confession his stomach would have churned if he was guilty and his behavior change.

I had a gut feeling something was wrong but didn't think it was an affair. He was having problems with his job (self employed and no money was coming in for a while), we had a young son and a big house that needed work. I did say to him once what are you hiding from me? He left me and a month later confessed he had been having an affair for 6 months. Gut feelings are very real if only you could hear what they are trying to tell you. It was obvious looking back.

Oh yes
After 35 years of marriage to someone who never gave me the merest wobble in all that time.
Started with mentionitis
X said
X laughed
X took her kitten to the vet
X is so clever
To the point I exploded I am bloody sick of hearing about X.
Then I thought back and listened to my gut.
He had become a gym bunny
Started listening to music every night with headphones on
Was less than complimentary about my appearance ( not bigging myself up here but I looked after myself and looked ok for my age he had always been complimentary ) He started to say oh you look hippy in that or isn't that a bit young for you
Made lots of menopausal jokes
Started singing on the way out the door going to work!
Downloaded what'sapp
Yes the clues were all there
I silenced my gut but it did spook me several times
In the end I just said 'I know'
It was a bluff but he spilled.

Yepp and it was right. Despite partner lying to my face about it and trying to turn it around on me that it hurt him that I would think he was capable of it... unreal 🙄

Yes. And I was right.

I did and eventually found out I was totally right. Much like @sadsausage44 he made out I was crazy and had MH issues. Then blamed my supposed MH issues on him having MH issues 😑. His MH issues were, quite frankly, his own guilty complex at play. Rather than being honest, he lied and gadlighted for over a year. I checked his phone one night when he was showering and found messages between them. Clearly he would usually have deleted them, but hadn't. I photographed them and had fun telling him I knew what he was doing, then left him and blocked him.

Were not together at the min. (He's gone out to 'help his uncle' and i put a quote on my fb about 'knowing when someone's lying' and he keeps calling but Ive not answered yet. It's like he's panicking. Will let him sweat it out some more then call and see his reaction.

It's difficult to get balance here as the people responding are going to be those who suspected - and were right. Me included. However, it's also fair to say that I've expected the worst of my current partner, totally unreasonably, and based on my own insecurity. But it doesn't sound like any of that is at play here, so I would trust your instincts that something is not right. Would be great to think that asking the question might get you an honest answer, but in my experience that was where the gaslighting started and my descent into craziness!!

Yes and I posted about my “gut” feeling and the reasons why I had this feeling he was having an affair on MN (ive name changed since then). I was told by many on here that the reasons I gave (mentionitis, WhatsApp having fingerprint security, works away with her, only contacted me during the day when he was away and she was there too and whenever she came around him when he was FaceTiming me, he would hang up, his search history told me he was looking up how to hide call logs and messages on his phone). I got told my other mumsnettere I was basically paranoid and that wasn’t proof he was having an affair. It might not be but it was my gut feeling. I still haven’t had proof of his affair but I’ve kept my mouth shut and my eyes and ears open.

Yes and he was.
I found out about 4 months later.

You need to bide your time and so some digging OP. If you confront him now he’ll just deny and gaslight you. I would go round to his uncles and see if he’s there but you may have alerted him now. He’ll start being more careful if he thinks you’re onto him.

Yes, I've had this and was right. Your gut is likely to be on the money I'm afraid. Sorry you're having to go through this OP.

@sarah8484

Were not together at the min. (He's gone out to 'help his uncle' and i put a quote on my fb about 'knowing when someone's lying' and he keeps calling but Ive not answered yet. It's like he's panicking. Will let him sweat it out some more then call and see his reaction.

Alarm bells..... Let us know what happens. Can you check with the uncle? Any way to find out what he's really up to?

When I saw a message on my ex's phone but it was locked, I told him my phone wasn't working properly. I then handed him his phone and asked him to put his pin in so I could innocently search up a website on his phone.

His fingers shook as he put in the pin and handed me the phone. I then clicked straight into his messages and there was the evidence as if by magic!

Mentionitis might not necessarily be her name, but something about a friend. Or he'd mention something.

It only dawned on me a while afterwards that he had in a way told me about things just not mentioned the OW. It was usually a friend doing the things, or a certain friend would need help with something.

Like a pp, I had him questioning my MH. He would seem so caring, saying I needed help with my MH.

He was gaslighting me.

I was getting thinner and would tell me he was glad I was putting on weight. I wondered who he was comparing me to. Months later I realised that he was fat shaming me and I was underweight.

Suspected strongly but had no proof
Asked him about it recently and his response was “that was ages ago”
So I was right then
Separating soon as he’s been a c*#% anyway to us all and I’ve had enough
Funnily enough he doesn’t even seem bothered ...

Oh poor love skinnyex so sorry

Thanks @Loocheeyar.
It was truly hideous. I'd been completely fooled by him. He was so vocal about his ex-BIL's cheating

One thing about violence is that if you are not cohabiting it won't necessarily show up under Clare's Law.

If you knew him you'd think 'He'd never do that', he'd been dripfeeding his friends that I had MH issues (I didn't) so that they wouldn't believe me.

I've not seen him now for a long time, probably years, I don't look him up on SM, and I've blocked him on my phone. He's tried to contact me but I only know this because I checked my screened folder for something else. I have nothing to say to him.

I was with him for years. Every memory is that I was with someone who beat me up. A liar, a cheat, an abuser. A psychopath.

I am well rid.

If only I'd acted on the first gut feeling.

How are you doing OP?

Yes, lots of odd little things that would have been explained away if they were singular incidents. But all together got my alarm bells ringing. Very much out of the blue I might add.

So I started snooping. Took me 2 weeks but I eventually found hard evidence that he was seeing someone he worked with.

I can honestly say I'd never, in a million years, have pegged him as someone who would have cheated. It was also 18 months after our daughter had been born and less than 6 months after we'd hit married