do you wish you had been told by the ow the first time your ex strayed?
Yes. It would have saved months of heartache and uncertainty and him gaslighting me! (As did she!)
But I'm not surprised she didn't.
What's insulting is she continued to pretend to be my friend and even listened to my suspicions of his having an affair!
I was so embarrassed and felt so stupid when it all came out.
I suspect reason ow don't tell the wives is because they are pretty sure that'd piss their affair partner right off! Because they'd have forced him into a corner and - ironically - betrayed a trust. I think primarily they fear this would result in him dumping them which in most cases would be true
Also if he does leave her for you, be prepared not to be involved in his life properly for a while. You won't meet his family, friends, coworkers etc as he won't want people to know he's had an affair.
Yep! My ex HATED that due to her pregnancy everyone knew he'd cheated including his own family. That really pissed him off!
A friend of mine's ex went nuts at her for as he thought telling his employer that his new partner was the ow. It wasn't my friend that had told the employer it was another employee that the man had confided in but then when he was trying to get the ow a job at the same place, in a position the employee wanted and had applied for, the colleague had told the boss in hopes of blocking the ow chance of getting the job (as it turned out she wouldn't have got the job anyway as she didn't have the right qualification - which she and friends ex had also lied to boss about!) so karma bit em on the arse! Especially when the ex wife learned of everything that happened and literally laughed in her ex's face at his paranoia and lies! Dick!
My ex lost quite a few close friends, he barely has a relationship with his family now certainly his siblings just about tolerate him at major family events. Because of not only the affair, but because at first he denied it to them too. Inc claiming ow wasn't as far along in pregnancy as she clearly was and then later he tried to claim the baby was very prem despite being a healthy full term weight and mother and baby released the day after the birth.
He basically tried to treat people as if they were stupid!
His mother had 4 of her own ffs she knew about babies and childbirth!
@SpaceshiptoMars it's not just the step parenting either. Very likely truth would come out and ops own kids could be bullied for the actions of their mother and her affair partner. I'm not saying that's good or right, but it is what happens I've seen it happen. It's horrible!
Basically op the line he's feeding you is the ancient one "my wife doesn't understand me"
It's one women in certain jobs have been told for aeons!
My mum and gran (who often worked as barmaids for extra money on top of their full time jobs) used to laugh at these sort of men a lot and if these men tried it with them they'd respond along the line of "aye she does! She knows exactly what you're like! And so do I! Pack it in and behave yourself and go home"
If they caught them spinning this line to a gullible/vulnerable young woman they'd speak to the young woman when he was in the loo and advise them "he's aye at it! Don't listen to him he'll never leave his wife"
Some listened, some didn't. More fool the ones who didn't.