Advice I am the other woman

[emilysof1]

Hi,
I am looking for some constructive advice.
I am in an awful situation that is ruining my life.
I have been in a relationship with a married man for several months. It started out as a one night stand and became quite intense quite quickly from there on in. He is in a long term relationship with young children. He is 10 years my senior.
I know what I am doing is wrong and believe me I feel terrible for it but I am in deeper than I ever thought I would be and I don't know what to do.
My man tells me he is leaving his partner. That they have drifted and that they no longer have a connection. But he never talks badly of her. Says that she doesn't love him and doesn't care about their relationship anymore. Cliche I know but he tells me that they have no sexual relationship and sleep in separate rooms etc. People may laugh but I do believe him. The thing is, months down the line and he has not left. He keeps promising after this occasion or that occasion but it never happens. This sounds really selfish but I have fallen in love with him and I hate the thought of him with his partner. I am jealous. He tells me he loves me and wants to be with me. We've spoken about the future. But I am becoming so frustrated with this situation and can not carry on. We speak every day. We see each other frequently but he still spends time with his family, goes on family holidays etc and I hate it. Will he ever follow through and leave? I am starting to wonder if this is worth it?

OP, he is having you on the side because he can and because you are available. if you were to give him an ultimatum then he will never leave her. He doesn't want to leave his family, his home , his children.

If he wanted to be with you, he would be with you.

He is trotting out all the lines that married men trot out to get the OW into bed and you swallow them right up.

Get some self respect and ditch this man. Stop being used by him.

"My man" - disgraceful. Have you no self-respect?

Amazed this thread is still going, op is not remotely engaged.

@BehindMyEyes

LOL ,... I shall un-execute you :)

I think this is probably a troll, its like something from the 1950"s

Men never leave their wives OP. They get thrown out after being discovered, but they never leave of their own accord.

@FaceyRomford

Men never leave their wives OP. They get thrown out after being discovered, but they never leave of their own accord.

Im sorry but thats nonsense, I know plenty who have. I'm not trying to give the OP false hope or anything but let's remain factual at least.

But on a wider point, some people really do live in sexless marriages and it is not always a line. And some men do leave their wives/marriages. And shockingly, some people (albeit a minority) do go on to form happy and loving relationships with the other woman or man.

@theleafandnotthetree Yes, but it's still wrong to have an affair of course (I say that as an OW.) If they want to do that they should leave their marrriage(s) before starting anything.

@RealisticSketch

Amazed this thread is still going, op is not remotely engaged.

Oh get the right sticky subject and an OP only has to start it off and it'll run and run. The other day there was a thread that went on for pages and pages and the OP had only posted once.

Don’t believe for a minute that this is real, but I’ll give my opinion anyway. You’ve set your bar very low, and attaching yourself to someone whose moral compass is set at zero. But I hope he does leave his partner and let’s her find someone who deserves her. But if he does leave her, it won’t be for you, or he would have left her months ago.

@Naunet

You sounds painfully gullible OP, at least take off your rose tinted glasses and see this for what it really is.

I used to work with a woman who had an affair with a married older man when she was in her early 20s. Like in your case, this man kept promising to leave, right after his child’s birthday, then the holiday his wife had booked, then Christmas etc. Then it became once the kids were in college, that gave him a few years....
She was in her 50s when I met her, had never been married, never had her own children and was still waiting for this scumbag to leave his wife. She might finally get him one day, if his wife dies before him and he needs someone else to wash his scabby pants. What a prize worth giving up your whole life for.

I know someone like this too. She’s put her life on hold for 30+ years waiting for him to find a suitable time to leave his wife.

So 30 years of being a secret. No kids, no holidays together. No Christmas together. Dancing to his tune. That’s not love is it? Such a sad waste.

Very true, I think I saw that one. Some good advice given here, maybe someone who actually needs it will read it eventually. 😆

That was toCategory12

This thread totally ignores the fact that some men DO leave their wives and even marry an OW . I know of several .

They do, and in doing so create a vacancy for the next OW.

Give your head a wobble!! 😂

@SoulofanAggron

But on a wider point, some people really do live in sexless marriages and it is not always a line. And some men do leave their wives/marriages. And shockingly, some people (albeit a minority) do go on to form happy and loving relationships with the other woman or man.

@theleafandnotthetree Yes, but it's still wrong to have an affair of course (I say that as an OW.) If they want to do that they should leave their marrriage(s) before starting anything.

Agreed!

'A former OW' I should've said, thank fuck.

@en0la

This thread totally ignores the fact that some men DO leave their wives and even marry an OW . I know of several .

They do, and in doing so create a vacancy for the next OW.

Again, not always. Some people leave genuinely unhappy relationships for someone else with whom they are better suited or where they dont make the same mistakes again. No way of knowing of course whether they always remained faithful, just like the majority of the population but not every person who has an affair is some kind of lothario always looking for their next conquest. Tom Hanks is just one prominent person I can think of who left his first wife and has been in a seemingly blissfully happy marriage since.

Oh come on. Look. We all know it's mean and bad to nick someone else's husband. It's one thing to have a discreet liaison (not that I condone that either), but it's quite another for the result to be dismantlement of a family.

So it's bad. So if you get hurt, it came with the territory.

Better to try not to do bad things.

Well if you end things it's up to him to then leave his family for you. Put the ball in his court and you will then have your answer. Whilst he is having his cake and eating it nothing will change.

When my ExH started his affair we were having sex at least daily. So I'm afraid you cannot take that as a measure of anything.

@Wallywobbles

When my ExH started his affair we were having sex at least daily. So I'm afraid you cannot take that as a measure of anything.

Exactly.

That's usually the whole satisfaction for them. Different wives. But adding one doesn't at all mean they want to get rid of the first one. Very often quite the opposite ...

Being in any relationship for a few months, particularly during a pandemic, is hardly sufficient time to make life changing decisions. I think you are in a bit of a rush OP.
Relationships can take years to get to the stable and committed stage, I suspect your AP is likely to dig his heals in as he realises that he is jumping out of the frying pan and into a red hot fire.

It's early days isn't it.. he may or may not leave but he's unlikely to rush it.

My ex didn't leave me for his affair partner for well over a year, (we were still having regular sex too) even then it was probably another 2 years after I found out before he moved in with her.