Advice I am the other woman

[emilysof1]

Hi,
I am looking for some constructive advice.
I am in an awful situation that is ruining my life.
I have been in a relationship with a married man for several months. It started out as a one night stand and became quite intense quite quickly from there on in. He is in a long term relationship with young children. He is 10 years my senior.
I know what I am doing is wrong and believe me I feel terrible for it but I am in deeper than I ever thought I would be and I don't know what to do.
My man tells me he is leaving his partner. That they have drifted and that they no longer have a connection. But he never talks badly of her. Says that she doesn't love him and doesn't care about their relationship anymore. Cliche I know but he tells me that they have no sexual relationship and sleep in separate rooms etc. People may laugh but I do believe him. The thing is, months down the line and he has not left. He keeps promising after this occasion or that occasion but it never happens. This sounds really selfish but I have fallen in love with him and I hate the thought of him with his partner. I am jealous. He tells me he loves me and wants to be with me. We've spoken about the future. But I am becoming so frustrated with this situation and can not carry on. We speak every day. We see each other frequently but he still spends time with his family, goes on family holidays etc and I hate it. Will he ever follow through and leave? I am starting to wonder if this is worth it?

When he’s spending time with you, what’s his excuse to his family?

I can guess that his wife is tired out from raising her kids and doing the day to day housework, while he spends time with you. She probably invests her energy in her kids while he avoids all the work, so she doesn’t tell him how wonderful he is... he excuses his infidelity by saying she ‘doesn’t care.’

I feel for you and sense that maybe you are quit young? This is a story as old as time Im afraid .His DW wont have sex as shes too knackered with small DC .He is enjoying some extra sex like a side order in a Restaurant! His main course is most important to him!Please my love just end it now .He will never leave his wife ,and you will be back here in a few years in the same position.Look for a nice chap nearer your own age .The older guy probably has lots of party tricks in the bedroom,but your youth and beauty are being wasted on him!

Won't it feel like a hollow victory?
Can you imagine the upset that would be caused by him leaving?
Do you not even fel sorry for his children?
Can you think about anybody apart from yourself?
Can you not see through his chat about the wife being so oh boring/sexless/frumpy?

Im glad he's not left.

@Worldwide2

Also what do you want ppl to say exactly??? Oh no poor you that wicked wife is locking him up and he wants to be with you? Get a grip.

This is funny.

Actually, there are so many of these tales as old as time perhaps a different answer is needed.....

Well done for finding a married man with children. You stay with him. Hang in there and in maybe a few years he will be with you. Good luck and let him keep on walking all over him.

It's only been a few months. Thank goodness he hasn't wasted 10 or 20 years of your life like many of them will do if you allow it.

The advice is to delete and block him.
Find some other single men to date.

Think about what an arse this guy is being to his partner and his children. With young children, she could probably use his help a lot more but instead of taking care of his own young children, he's dumped them on her and spends his time talking to you and sexing you.

This guy is a liar, cheat, and user. Stop the sex and he'll vanish poof!

Personally I think women that go with married or attached men fall into some categories:

1. Stupid and deluded
2. Think they can 'win' so love the drama. Sense of grandeur, much better than the awful wife.
3. Don't give a monkeys about the other woman/children and so deserve all they get

So you live in a world where he never lies to you, is only honest. But think its ok that he obviously lies to his wife and kids. God get a grip

He wants to fuck you OP, nothing more. He won’t leave his wife because she washes his pants and looks after his kids and he likes fucking her too.

You’ve been fed the oldest lines in the book. Wise up woman and get some dignity, and stop shitting all over another woman and the kids.

Of course it's not worth it.

He's just leading you on unfortunately or he would have left by now.

He's not your man ffs. Have some dignity and walk away. He's not going to leave, they almost never do !

He isn't just your man, he's shared but his wife more than likely doesn't know that. Get some self respect and realise if he wanted to be with you properly, he would have done.

To be very blunt. He wants to have his cake and eat it. He’s never going to leave her. Why would you ever want to be the other woman? If you did end up in a long term relationship and he left his wife (big if!) then he will most likely do this to you. Or, you will always wonder if their is another woman. Karma has a way of doing that.

Have some respect for yourself and leave him. Sorry to be very blunt again but, sometimes we need it see through the shit storm we are in.

Op, think you'll get a lot of stick on here so be prepared...

Sorry, but I really don't think he's leaving. Break it off and you'll soon see where his loyalty lies one way or the other.

Though, have to question why you'd be interested in a man complaining about lack of intimacy in a relationship with young children involved, especially if you want kids yourself some day.

So you're sleeping with a married man and expect sympathy! None from me you deserve nothing, think about how you would feel if you were his, wife and found out he was cheating on you. And yes I speak as the person who was cheated on.

@NotMeekNotObedient

Op, think you'll get a lot of stick on here so be prepared...

Sorry, but I really don't think he's leaving. Break it off and you'll soon see where his loyalty lies one way or the other.

Though, have to question why you'd be interested in a man complaining about lack of intimacy in a relationship with young children involved, especially if you want kids yourself some day.

I already have 2 children

Do they sleep in separate rooms because:

• she ends up sleeping in with toddlers/baby?

-she feels he is distant or cheating?

You have kids? How could you possibly be doing this to another mother and her children?

Op, I am so sorry for you.
You fell for someone hook line and sinker.
He seems so lovely and nice and you just can't imagine he isn't.

For a moment imagine yourself 10 years down the line, when he did leave his wife, and you have kids, and then he disappears/works late once a week. Where is he? he is having an affair, just like he is doing now with you.

This relationship has no future, you know that, I think, deep down.
You need to find the strength to walk away. For your own sake.

He isn't going to leave. Every single one of us posting is saying the same thing. Why? Because this is the same story spun to thousands of women over the years, and they never do leave.

If you really and truly believe that he is different, then do this.
Leave. Cut contact.

Either he will beg you to take him back, without leaving his wife.
Or he will leave and come after you. (but he may not stay, he may swing bakc and forth between you and his wife)
Or he will let you go and look for the next woman.

But you also must ask yourself if you want to be the person to break up that marriage, and how will you look those kids in the face when they are doing their weekends with their dad, knowing that you broke up their lives?
And if you want to be long term with someone capable of this level of deceit?

OP he's having his cake and eating it, if he wanted to be with you he would leave her, plenty of people do it when they want to, he isn't so he doesn't want to. All you can do is walk away, if it's meant to be then he will leave her, but if you stay with him now you will never know if he loves you or if he's just enjoying having the best of both worlds.

You say you are in 'an awful situation which is ruining my life' and I think that gives you your answer right there. No relationship should feel that bad.

The fact you have children of your own makes this even more disgusting!!!

Hoping he will leave his FAMILY for you!

Not gonna happen.

As for them sleeping in separate rooms - you must know that's nonsense!! He will be sleeping with his wife.

He has told you The Script and they always try to keep things going at home too. Once he gets bored or thinks you're too clingy he will drop you and that's it.

He is using you for sex. Simple as that.

How you can do that to his kids is beyond me!! You are actually hoping his kids lose their father!!

He is not "your man"

Please take a look at why you feel you're only worth being used. They always say after this birthday or some other event or time and they continue until they are bored of you. He will want to stay with family unit

He is just as bad. Why would you even want to be with someone who can happily cheat and betray the woman he happily married and the mother of his kids?? Not exactly trustworthy now is he considering he can do that to her!

@AliceLives2021

Personally I think women that go with married or attached men fall into some categories:

1. Stupid and deluded
2. Think they can 'win' so love the drama. Sense of grandeur, much better than the awful wife.
3. Don't give a monkeys about the other woman/children and so deserve all they get

I would add young & naive or particularly naive/idealistic for age.

I am in an awful situation that is ruining my life

It should also be 'I have got myself in an...'

Take some responsibility, OP. You have decided to get involved with a married man. Every time you have seen him, it has been your decision to do so. Every time you see him in the future will be your decision to do so.

If you don't like the situation, stop choosing repeatedly to keep putting yourself in it. Nobody can change it except you.

These types know how to keep some hanging on. Do the best for you and cut all contact and work on yourself.

I would learn how to be happy without relying on a man before you look for a relationship - as this is not a relationship in any way at all.

You need a happy relationship not someone using you.

Blimey, he could have a least thought of some original lines to trot out. He’s a walking cliche! Not to mention the fact that he’s lying to both of you (of course he’s still having sex with his wife 🙄!), he’s also not leaving her, unless of course she has enough of his shit and makes him leave.

If you do get this Prince amongst men to yourself, (or at least until he gets bored of you too and starts sniffing around other eager, naive younger women) how do you imagine it’ll play out? You’ll be a stepmum for one & if he has an ounce of decency he’ll prioritise his probably traumatised kids over you. He’ll be poorer & probably lose his house and pay a chunk of cash for his kids every month.

You’ll be the one in years to come sat there wondering where he is when he doesn’t come home from a ‘meeting’ or has an ‘overnight conference’ or what he’s doing when he takes his phone to the bathroom or you hear texts coming in which make him jump. You’ll also undoubtedly be the one dealing with all the mundane shit his wife undoubtedly deals with whilst he has a lovely time fucking about behind her back and also the one trying to keep him interested & not living in a respectful, kind partnership because you know he can’t keep it in his pants & is such a selfish prick he’d rather have someone who worships the idea of him stroke his ego than actually put the work in the relationship he’s in.

What goes around comes around, tread careful OP, you sound utterly deluded, not to mention a little morally bankrupt..

@chipsandgin sums it up perfectly in my eyes!