Drinking in the morning - everyone does it, right?

[fedup078]

Even when they have young kids?
Totally normal yes?

Well he's just told me to ask around. Don't fancy asking my friends so here we are
I'm being told this is totally normal and everyone does it, so why shouldn't he.

@fedup078 I am so sorry. IYou sound like you have your head screwed on and know what you are doing. I wish you all the luck in the world x

No, obviously.

On Christmas day and sometimes on holiday. But it would still only be just one, to mark the occassion. I wouldn't have a second drink until much later on.

At any other time I would not drink in the morning and I would be very surprised if a friend or relative did so in front of me. I've only really seen my mum doing that and she's an alcoholic.

music festivals - yep
any other time - nope

He has a problem

@ApplesinmyPocket

"Your friends are alcoholics if they are drinking alcohol regularly (weekly is regularly) before lunchtime"

I think this is honestly the silliest thing I have read on MN this week (and believe me there has been some competition).

a) saying they are 'alcoholics' is in itself daft - the term is outdated and meaningless.

b) to so CONFIDENTLY diagnose that these people are "alcoholics" because they have a drink before the witching hour of noon once a week?

Nuts.

How is that nuts?! Or silly??? Drinking alcohol in the morning on a regular basis is a very well known and understood sign of alcohol reliance! Not being able to wait until the evening. It doesn't take a sodding degree!

No, not normal for us..... unless it’s 1 am....

And I’m sorry you are having to deal with this sort of behaviour xxx

Can he not go and stay at his mums?

What would she say if you told her?

I'm the last person to judge, but yes if dh was doing this it would worry me a lot. It's not social drinking; he's doing it alone and hiding it.

The worst of this is, you are in a whole world of hurt, if you try and regulate his drinking. Alcoholics, deny everything, so of course he will say all the things contrary to what is true.
If he needs to drink in the morning, then he is not coping with either the present COV-19 situation, or there is underlying deep worry about something else going on.
I am sorry, but if you "get on his case" you will put yourself in the firing line. He has to want to find out why he is doing it, and most likely he knows that it is out of hand, but is unable to accept not having this particular crutch to rely on right now.
Of course the crutch, which he sees as his "friend" will soon change into a worse problem than the one he is drinking on to start with x

[quote fedup078]@Libraryghost actually I do know because I was that child which is probably why I've put up with more than most people would from him
That's why I'm ending it now while dc too young to remember anything [/quote]

Good on you OP...

you're prioritising your children ...

good luck 🌺

I like a drink in the early afternoon sometimes when pubs/cafe bars are a thing.

First thing in the morning I don't really like as it makes me feel groggy all day.

@ApplesinmyPocket PP's are right that if he regularly drinks in the morning it's a sign that he could be alcohol dependent. It's definitely not a good sign.

@fedup078 You're doing the right thing. xxx

No it is not normal. OK on very special occasions as a "one-off" but not normal as a regular thing.

It is absolutely quite normal...for alcoholics. No one else. No one.

@MNWorldisCrazy there is a difference between having a drink in morning say whilst cooking because you fancy one , rather than having one because you need one and can't wait until the evening
If someone is doing once a week that hardly makes them an a alcoholic does it

Thanks for all the replies
It did really help to hear everyone's opinions

We are in the process of buying and selling so I think first thing is to cancel all that . Feel sorry for our buyer and vendor but can't be helped

Then I suppose I find a divorce lawyer

Why don’t you just cancel the purchase if you’ve already sold then split assets?

@billybagpuss I can afford to buy him out without selling. Not sure where I'd want to move to on my own or if I want to move at all now

Maybe Christmas Day or mother’s day brunch with a Buck’s Fizz

If you’re drinking alcohol in the morning regularly then it’s a real problem

Show him this thread and then tell him he needs help

Sounds like you've had a chance to clarify your thoughts overnight. Hold on to that when he starts his nonsense today.

Very occasionally after a nightshift, if it had been a bad one, I would come home and have a glass of wine before climbing into bed. Other than those very odd occasions ( now no longer do nights ), no I do not drink in the morning.
I do drink far more than I should though, just at a more socially acceptable time.

[quote fedup078]@billybagpuss I can afford to buy him out without selling. Not sure where I'd want to move to on my own or if I want to move at all now [/quote]
You’ve done enough.

No doubt like most of us you have tried fat to hard for far to long. Everyone who makes this move wishes they had made it sooner.

Save your breath and conserve your emotional energy which I am sure is depleted and redirect it to taking actions - speaking to a solicitor, involving family and friends, getting emotional support for you.

Have a look at ACA website (Adult Child of Alcoholic) - it’s really helpful. And see if you can tap into Al Anon.

You’re giving your DC the greatest gift and also your DH.

Take this dynamic right out of his hands - he doesn’t get to control your lives anymore.

Just keep moving incrementally forward.

Al Anon teach you to “detach with love” - so just withdraw from him in your head and also stop enabling - don’t do his cooking, cleaning, laundry etc.

@GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER

Unless we’re out for lunch, or have friends round for lunch, not until the sun’s over the yard arm. Which = after 6 pm in this house.

Plus of course Buck’s Fizz any time after about 10 am on Christmas Day.🥂

that is the second time that phrase (the sun is over the yard arm) has come up.

I had always assumed it was about 6pm, so I have just googled it.
It means about 11am. It was the time that the officers stopped for pre-lunch drinks.

No. Tbh if you need a drink in the morning and it’s not christmas/wedding etc etc then there’s a big problem

The only people I have ever known to have a drink in the morning are alcoholics.