Drinking in the morning - everyone does it, right?

[fedup078]

Even when they have young kids?
Totally normal yes?

Well he's just told me to ask around. Don't fancy asking my friends so here we are
I'm being told this is totally normal and everyone does it, so why shouldn't he.

I do on Christmas Day (when I'm not working) but there's always so much food being consumed that it doesn't have an effect!

I also do it if I'm at a festival, but if the kids were there that would be limited to something like a Bailey's coffee.

Where is your MiL in all this? Does she know &/or care about his drinking? Would she take him in if you asked for her help?

For now, stop doing any 'domestic services' for him. No cooking, laundry, cleaning, admin, etc. And if you have joint accounts, separate the money and put 1/2 in your own name. And do it ASAP before he cleans out the accounts. If possible, move into another room. You want to make things as UNcomfortable for him as possible.

Since you refer to 'MiL' I assume you are married. If so, see a solicitor as soon as possible. You need to educate yourself as to what you can expect in a divorce. If you aren't married but you own your home jointly, see a solicitor.

As far as his drinking, please find your local chapter of AlAnon. It's support for the families of alcoholics. They can help you. And do NOT cover for him and his drinking if you have in the past.

Remember:
You did not cause this.
You cannot control this
You cannot cure this.

He will not stop drinking until HE wants to stop drinking. The only thing you can do is protect yourself and your children by leaving.

He's got an illness, livid won't work. He needs to stop denying it. Good luck op.

I'm amazed you have to ask. I would'nt even discuss it with him if he's gas lighting you.

@Shufflebudge

Alcoholism is a disease. I’m not saying you shouldn’t leave or whatever but he’s not drinking in the morning because it’s a laugh people.

Not one person has assumed he's drinking for a laugh.

And there's nothing the OP can do while he's in denial. Any support given by OP has to be very carefully balanced to prevent that support tipping over into "managing" the alcoholism, or enabling it.

Only times I would say would be christmas morning and wedding mornings if in the wedding party (and then it's a glass of bucks fizz usually)

Even if I've done a night shift and haven't gone to bed yet so to my body clock it's evening I wouldn't (in fairness I just want to sleep then)

Nope. Maybe an aperitif if we've gone for Sunday lunch with my parents? And bucks fizz christmas morning. Otherwise no.

For me, never.
My husband sometimes has a glass of beer in the late morning, at the airport, if we’re going on holiday. I think that’s pretty grim, but accept it’s his choice and it’s only a couple of times a year.

I do it. Not often but I will thinking nothing of having a beer or a wine int he morning. Doesn't make me an alcoholic. And I wouldn't even get drunk, I'd have a few drinks and maybe a nap after lunch and that would be the end of it. I don't get all the rules around alcohol. Lived in Spain and perfectly normal there...

At an airport on your way to a once in a year holiday maybe, otherwise just no.

You already know the answer. Only on Xmas day when I have OJ and champagne while the kids crack on with presents.

Xmas day or wedding day only. Def not in the morning

It's true they have beer at breakfast time in Spain, in a resturant tho and at about midday

totally normal. i drank round the clock for years. mind you, i’m a raging alcoholic, now 7 years sober.

you can’t stop him and you can’t save him. get rid. once i got sober i met a lovely man, moved in with him and guess what? raging alcoholic. it nearly broke me. i left him 2 years ago and never been happier. i live in a sober, normal household now, just me and the cat.

the relief of not having to play cat-and-mouse with him any more is immeasurable. he used to ‘pop to the shop for a paper’ every morning and was pissed by 10am. the only person who can save an alcoholic is themselves, and then only if they want to.

honestly, OP. don’t give him any more chances. your life will improve hugely in a very short space of time once he’s gone.

wishing you all the best.

No that’s grim and I enjoy my wine in the evening!

Only if on holiday in Vegas where time means nothing and even then not every day

I used to drink in the airport before early holiday flights too op ( before dc) but I do not think being half cut at 11am on an average day is in anyway ok.

Buck fizz/champagne Christmas morning or wedding day is usually only 1 glass and once a year/a lifetime. This is different, this is his normal.

You need to separate your money - open a new bank account in your name. Transfer funds from any joint account into yours.

You need to see a solicitor about separation and divorce, with the intention of filing for divorce as soon as possible, citing unreasonable behaviour.
You may need to move out with the children. Would MIL take you in? Other family?
He may need to move in with MIL. Would MIL take him in? Could MIL read him the riot act and force him?
Can he afford a bedsit?
Can you keep the house and pay bills on your salary?
You may need to sell the house in order to be truly rid of him.

You may have some very tough choices to make. For the sake of your sanity and the welfare of the children, please put you and them first - a drop in living standards is often temporary but childhood with an alcoholic parent ruins your life.

*You can transfer half of what's in the joint account today, and pay any future income of yours straight into your own account.

Heya @fedup078 In case you haven't already worked it out, you may do better to start a new thread for support with your move forward with the children while your other half deals with his addiction, which as all of us who have addicts in the family know is something he will have to do by himself. All we can do is make supportive noises in the background. The trouble with mumsnet's layout is that it's very easy for people to reply to the OP without noticing that several hundred messages including updates from you have come through.

Really, no. At no point in my life have I had a drink in the morning. I'd consider it on Christmas day or a wedding (i.e. a glass of Buck's Fizz or a single glass of prosecco) but otherwise absolutely not.

Definitely no to drinking in the morning.

But the lying and the gaslighting are probably even worse tbh.

God this thread makes me want to be having a first sip of a an early morning pre-flight / pre-holiday glass of champagne!

But to the OP, no, sorry, he's got a problem.

My dad's an alcoholic and even he likes to hold off until 11

No. only alcoholics drink in the mornings. alcoholics are normal people and not lying in some gutter