Kept up by the cats but I slept through woke up to horrid text

[Thelovecats69]

My husband was up late last night gaming.
When he does this he Skypes his friends and has noise cancelling headphones so ends up loudly chatting/shrieking through them.

Me and DD were having a sleep over in the lounge, or at least trying - my house is small, one level and open plan. Aka you can hear everything.

At 11.30 he pokes his head in and asks me why Iv gone to bed without telling him. I say he was clearly busy and I was tired. Plus we aren’t sleeping in the same bed tonight anyway so why does it matter.

He texts me ‘did you go to bed because you wanted to get out of sex?’

This is half joking half not. He wants sex every night. I don’t. It’s a sticking point at the moment.

He has had a beer and carries on gaming. I eventually fall asleep with my dd. (Shes 4)

DD and I get up in the night to use the loo, I think twice.

I hear dh get up once and shut the cats out , I assume they are being noisy although didn’t hear anything. I do have form for not hearing much whilst I’m sleeping, although that’s because I work full time so when I sleep I SLEEP! My husband stays at home. And apparently hasn’t had a full nights sleep since 2014. 😒

I woke up this morning to the following texts at 6am.

‘If you wake me, I am going to be mad’
‘You have not got up once’
‘Except for a piss.
The WHOLE night’

‘You let the cats in
You are single’

I haven’t woken him up this morning and have shushed dd when she’s started being loud. I came on here as I have no idea what to say or do about this.
When I went to get a drink I opened the kitchen door and the cats ran in, but I chucked them back out into the garden for now.

@Thelovecats69 is there a possibility of anywhere to rent near your mum? I hear you when you say it’s a lot do deal with and the energy required to leave is huge along with upheaval. It’s easy to come on here and say just go (like I did)
Even if you start thinking about how to do it and where you could afford what benefits you might be entitled to etc it can be a start.
Break it down into chunks like a project I think if you could see a place to stay and how you would get there it would help.
I’m sure some of the lovely posters on here would be able to give you practical advice how to proceed I know I would find that hard.
Remember you can hire a removal van for stuff and then take the train somewhere and get a taxi to the new place.

You and your daughter deserve better. Please, please leave him.

Ew he sounds disgusting. What do you get out of this relationship? He's living like a hormonal teenage boy, playing all night and sleeping in all day! Asking for sex! Sounds disgusting to me.

I would have so let those blooming cats in ....

He's still abusive. He has not stopped. He is not part time abusive.

He is abusing you.

Please dont raise your daughter with this man. Seriously. He's got serious problems. Start thinking about what you need to do.

'Get out of sex' wtf does he like the idea of forcing you? Bloody hell.

Ugh what an absolute arsewipe

On the plus side you’re single now according to him so you don’t have to put up with him

Have my very first ltb - Jesus I'm so sorry you live like this. He is a complete man child and you and your dd deserve better x

The first paragraph was enough for me. Get rid

So he's mean to you, your daughter and your cats. He sounds like an awful person tbh.

It would be the cats in and him out for me, all the way. You and your DD deserve better 💕

Leaving an abusive relationship is hard. I can see you've been recommended the Freedom Program and that's great. You should leave when you're ready, and don't let anyone rush you.

It does sound like you've had your moment of realisation with the episode that you posted about. So good luck with getting the support you and DD need to leave this terrible situation.

I'd move out of the sticks with your DD and into an area near your job with transport. Find her a new school near your new home. needs must

Get rid of the abusive man child. You wouldn't want your daughter to end up with someone like him, would you? So model getting rid of someone who treats you like shit, pressures you for shit sex, calls you names, and refuses to contribute meaningfully,

I think you need to get yourself out of the situation where you live 'in the sticks' and you can't drive, OP. It's incredibly isolating and makes you dependent on Mr Arsehole (conveniently for him).

So, you either need to move; or you need an intensive driving course and a car.

Depending on where you live, right now it's probably going to be quicker and less difficult to give notice on your tenancy and move.

He sounds like a spoilt teenager - not sure why you would you have a child with someone so immature to be honest. I would think you can do better than him, OP.

Leave him OP. You and your DD deserve to be happy. Leave him and live happily. He's a cunt. He'd have my foot up his arse and be out on the street if I was there.

@nimbuscloud

What’s the point of him?

Yep. Same thoughts here.

Is your DH a teenager? He sounds like one, gaming and wanting sex all the time and showing you no respect. Get rid of him and trade up to a better partner who shows you respect and consideration.

Your posts have made me feel sick, especially the controlling and abusive behaviour around sex.

I’m realising I want/deserve and need better.

You do.

You deserve better and so does your DD.

YOU WANT BETTER BECAUSE YOU DESERVE AND NEED BETTER

Sorry to shout but you need to get this message loud and clear. I wish I could do something fancy with text and images to make this stand out for you. Maybe another poster can turn it into something you could print out.

YOU AND YOUR DD DESERVE BETTER

Please stop accepting this awful treatment and walk away from your abuser.

WTF is going on with men? It's just endless threads on here about them being complete dicks.

OP, this is no life.

This is also what your DD will see as a normal life, and expect that is her role as a woman, to be with a total cunt like that, and put up with it.

"To get out of sex"

That wording is so incredibly creepy to me. Like he knows you don't want it but expects you to do it anyway.

Exactly.

That alone would have me leaving, but the gaming, no job and disrespectful way he speaks to you, icing on the cake.

I hope you find the strength to leave OP. I've been there. The damage to your self esteem and confidence is immense, but you will get there, on your own. You don't need him.

I was happiest single with my DS.

Good luck OP. He brings nothing to your life, but damage. Don't leave it longer. You have an opportunity to take time for yourself, and in time meet a man who isn't abusive.

Don't bottle it OP. In this situation, the grass really is greener on the other side

@kunterbunting

WTF is going on with men? It's just endless threads on here about them being complete dicks.

I know, I've read three new ones just this morning, it's sickening.

You don’t sound like a fool at all - you’ve just normalised his awful behaviour & he’s taking advantage in so many ways it sounds like he’s broken your spirit - he’s a nasty, lazy, cocklodger who is abusing your kindness. It’s so daunting to take the necessary steps to get away but you can do it, I hope you can gather the strength - you and your daughter deserve better & to be happy without him

WTF is going on with men? It's just endless threads on here about them being complete dicks.

I agree. Very worrying.

"To get out of sex"

That wording is so incredibly creepy to me. Like he knows you don't want it but expects you to do it anyway.

Yes very creepy. It's his "right" he seems to think. Ugh.

It upsets and saddens me that there are so many disgusting men out there. Selfish cunts that just want sex and their own way. Ugh.

To women with scum bags like this. Leave them, please, all of them ,when it's safe to do so. Please don't let these vile " men" ruin yours and your children's lives.

I want to Lorena Bobbit them all.

Throwing cats out of the door, texting partner when living in the same small house, gaming all night, and the worst, demanding sex. This all has the premise of a silly sitcom on the telly.