Not a typical mother and a weird person

[again2020]

I wanted to get this down. It's a bit of a rant, sorry. Maybe relationships isn't the correct board, I was unsure.

I'm not a naturally maternal or motherly type. Nor am I homely. I don't know what the opposite of homely is, but that's me. I guess I'm a free spirit. I used to rent a lot. I don't have many possessions such as furniture etc. I love running and being outside. It was cool when I was young but now I have a mortgage, partner and child (DD of 3).
I went back to work 4 days when she was 9 months old. I love my job. I have some good friends, I still like nights out and gigs (before covid!), I like going on holiday. I love days out.
I would never be contented staying at home so knew I could never be a SAHM. I had bad post natal depression and wanted to go back to work. I'm still getting over the shock of having a child and DD is 3.3!
She's brilliant and we do loads together. Painting, baking, playing and I can't wait for softplay to reopen. I think I'm a good mother but some people around me seem to think I'm not.
My SIL has a baby of 10 months and has given up her job. She is thought highly of by my partners family and MIL as better than me for this. She has barely left the house in the last year ( I know- a lot due to Covid) but has no plans and is happy to stay at home day in day out with her baby. By her own admission she has few friends and likes it that way.
In addition, both my SILs very homely and always have an 'interior design head' on and constantly thinking of decorating and DIY and cleaning. I don't. Why not? It's just not something that interests me. We have a nice house and I keep it clean. But it's not fun to me. I'm not massively into soft furnishings and always thinking about 'house stuff'. I'm quite minimal. Is this weird? Lots of women (and men) I know seem to think a lot about the house and it a hobby.

I do the bulk of the housework though. Ironing, washing up, mopping, bins, hoovering and clean bathrooms and toilets. My MIL always points to jobs I have missed ..such as yesterday it was bleaching DDs bathmat. I wouldn't have thought of this. Why not? My partner says it's because I am busy with work and don't take enough care. But I clean the house every week and I do my best.

I feel like compared to a lot of people in my life I'm quite weird as I have other interests and a different personality. My MIL and SILs, as well as a lot of friends seem to be very 'homely' or natural maternal types.
Thoughts? If you've made it this far and have an opinion or are like me let me know!
Am I really weird?

I think you need to do you really. You're not unusual for not being into home-making or wanting to be a SAHM. I don't find it weird at all.

I think you sound pretty darn good, to be honest!

Of course you aren't weird.
Also tell your partner to do stuff you don't"take enough care with" himself

They come to your house and comment on your housework?

Wow. I'd be telling them to leave. Not welcome.

And what weirdo bleaches a bathmat?

@KinseyWinsey exactly what I thought!

Thank you all for your comments.
@PleaseReferToMeAsBritneySpears ...too kind! Great name by the way!

It’s not you, it’s them.
Chuck it in the fuck it bucket and crack on with what you do.
You don’t answer to any of them.

You sound like great fun which is a big part of parenting.

It’s a skill to be confident in who you are and as you get older you will give less fucks what people think, as long as you and your family are happy and healthy that’s all you really need.

Hahaha ha. Bleach the bathmat?
Do what makes you happy. I would describe myself as houseproud and homely and we both always have a craft project on the go. I sound similar to you.

And yet my house often looks like a bombsite and I hold down a career aswell as several sidelines. And occasionally i see something filthy and think, oh I really must get round to that. And ignore for a while.
My husband gets a little more stressed by perceived untidiness but that's his deal. We both do what we can.
Sounds like you're an awesome mum and there's nothing as good as getting messy and having fun with your child. Xxx

Bleach a bath mat! Is thy a thing?? I've got. 14 and 4 year old and I've never done thy and they are still alive

Honestly who bleach's a bath mat?!?!

Bleaching a bath mat?!

And if it's such a necessary job, why didn't your husband do it?

You're fine as you are. It's a spectrum anyway. It goes all the way from squalid filth and hoarding to OCD obsessive cleaning and decluttering - neither of which are welcoming, relaxing homes to grow up in. Most of us are somewhere in between. You have a life and interests.

You sound pretty 'normal 'to me.
Please don't compare to other mothers , as you sound a very caring and loving mother.

If it helps, I'm not a homely type at all. I'd call myself maternal but I certainly don't iron or worry about home decor.
There are certain stereotypes people have and that's fine, I'm not living up to anyones.
Hopefully my children love me as I am.

I still feel like I'm in my 20s sometimes! And then I see people in their 20s and realise I'm def not, ha ha.

I’m like you Op! Love travel, adventure, gigs, my mates. I don’t do much to or around the house, I’m being living life.
Love my kids but they’re not absolutely everything in my life, I really enjoy my job and friends too.
You’re not weird

I was, and am like this. I always assumed it was because I was very interesting, and still had things to offer the world of work Your DH needs to give his head a wobble, and try not to rise to MIL's little digs.

You're fine @again2020
You sound a lot more fun to be around than the rest of your family. My 4 made it to adulthood alive and it never crossed my mind to bleach a bathmat

I’m astounded anyone still has a bath mat , yet alone bleaches it.
Your life sounds refreshingly good, and there is more to life than hours spent matching sofas to wallpaper.

I am reminded of the Shirley Conran comment of "Life's too short to stuff a mushroom". Or in this case, bleach a bath mat

When your partner says you 'don't take enough care'
What do they mean? Is it criticism?

Your child is your priority, everything else is down the list. In-laws towards the bottom

Anyone who came into my home and commented on my cleaning would not be crossing the threshold until they apologised.

And who the fuck does you partner think he is. You dont take enough care?
Why is cleaning your job?

You sound normal to me but judgmental of your SILs as your post reads as a bit smug / humble brag.

Everyone is different but you are not ‘weird’, it is normal to rent / not have a lot of furniture / want to keep working / enjoy plans with your DC.

It is also perfectly fine to want to be a SAHP

How would I bleach it? Wouldn’t all the colour run?

I’m assuming the bath mat is the not slip one the child sits on - we have one too and it probably does need bleaching as it is a bit gross underneath. I wouldn’t expect anyone else to be looking at it or commenting on it!